9, 10, Start Again
by SheWritesInCursive
Summary: "I have no idea if the home I am searching for is in Cairns, Perth or somewhere else entirely, but I know I want to find it." The witness protection officer said to start again. But that's easier said than done. Especially when you're dead.
1. Mortality

**A/N:** Hey again. So I've been trying to finish this story for ages and ages [literally] and after a lot of swearing and procrastination I decided to just rewrite it. I tried to keep it as close to the original story as before but there are a few changes. Lots of Nikki/Josh fluff and Zoe is now three-and-a-bit instead of 18-ish months. And and and also I want to kick my fourteen-year-old self for bringing back Ursula. Why couldn't I have just created a new character. So please assume that instead of Witness Protection for Ursula that she was free to resume a normal life as Gallagher was dead. Because let's face it, the only reason for the witness protection was to get her out of the show. Also, the Hammersley peeps get a lot of shore leave. Sorry. But it's just more fun that way.

Also I am now including Bird, Dutchy, Maxine [who I love!], 2Dads and any others my tired brain can't think of at the moment. Yes. Thank you so much to everyone who was poking me, reviewing, faving and subscribing for the inspiration and desperation. Thanks so very much!

* * *

**9, 10, Start Again**

**Billy Webb remembered that day all too well. **

It was just meant to be a regular FFV. Just another illegal fishing vessel full of poor, innocent, naive people trying to feed their families. People who they'd once again send over the line back to their homes, only to have them return the next week.

It was supposed to be just another routine boarding.

But it wasn't.

They weren't poor, clueless men trying to feed their families; instead it was home to a murderer.

_**[Screams]**_ – It had been the first indication that something was wrong. It had seemed so out of place and so improper that the entire boarding crew felt the hairs stand up on the back of their necks. And then it had registered. Bomber. Bomber was the one screaming. Something was wrong.

_**[Blood]**_ - She had been on the floor. Their XO. Pale faced and barely conscious as Bomber held her fingers tight to the wound. In the corner of the room, a man lay dead, blood trickling in a slow stream out of the small bullet hole in his head.

"_Don't just stand there! Do something!" Bomber had screamed as Spider stood in the doorway, taking in the scene. All the while, Kate's blood was pooling beneath her, spilling out onto the rotted deck of the ship._

_**[White]**_ - The pale face of the CO was almost as bad as the X's as he watched her being carried into the wardroom by ET and Bomber.

"_Just… just keep her alive, Bomber." He had whispered. For a moment, Spider could finally agree with all the guys about the boss' feelings for their XO. And then his mask went up and he headed back towards the bridge, yelling about Medi-Vacs and sprinting back to base. _

_**[Tears]**_They hadn't believed it at first. As RO had relayed the information, ashen faced, all his CO could do was shake his head**.** Because it was impossible, unfathomable, that their XO, Kate McGregor, had died. It was Buffer in the end who had told them all. Voice shaking, he told them all as best he could. She had never made it off the medi-vac.

_**[Anger]**_He had meant to kill her. He had meant to make her suffer before her death. He never gave her a chance.

* * *

**Rebecca Brown remembered everything about that day.**

It was just a regular day. The sun was high in the sky as the RHIBs skated across the water. From the moment the sun rose the crew were sure that this day would be a great one. Everyone was smiling and laughing, congregating on the bridge and reliving childhood embarrassments. Even the XO had been happy, her mood perfectly in sync with the weather outside. But then Bomber had picked up that damned FFV, and alerted everyone.

She was still conscious when Bomber found her. The man who had killed her was standing over her, ready to put a bullet in her skull, but Bomber shot instinctively and the man crumpled to the floor.

X's eyes flickered over to Bomber, green and full of terror. Thick, dark blood blossomed from her chest, ever growing with each beat of her heart. ''_Bomb... 'elp... ease.'' _She gurgled, and yet Bomber still didn't move. She was dying. She was going to die. Icy coldness filled her stomach as she fought to breathe.

And then something in her head clicked, and she processed the scene. _Blood. X. Help._

"_X!"_ She dropped to her knees and tried not to think of the blood soaking through her coveralls.

_''I need help here, NOW. I'm in the front storage. Get here now!'' _She keyed into her radio before placing her hands down on the wound. Each second of silence that passed stretched into eternity as the two sat, waiting for help to come.

_''Stay with me, X. Please don't die. Please don't die.'' _The words spilled from her mouth over and over again like a mantra until she was swept away onto the medi-vac and soon out of sight.

But it wasn't enough. Her moment of shock and fear had cost Kate McGregor her life.

The CO loved her. Everyone could see it. That sparkle in his eyes had vanished just like their XO had. Smiles were rare and disappeared fast, as if he felt he didn't have the right to smile.

But it wasn't _his_ fault. It was _hers._

_I should have reacted faster. If I had, then X would still be alive._

* * *

**Josh Holiday couldn't forget that day.**

The day their XO died.

The day everything changed.

No longer did their CO take risks. No longer did he bend the rules. Their pirate captain was gone.

That part of him had died with Kate.

Instead, all that remained was the mere shell of Mighty Mike Flynn. A withered husk of a once brilliant man. The remainder dying with the loss of his one true love.

ET closed his eyes and, just for a minute, imagined a life without Nikki. A life where he didn't see her twinkling eyes every day. A life where he wouldn't walk onto the bridge and see the swish of a chestnut ponytail. A life where there was no happy ending for the both of them.

But he could open his eyes. He could see the twinkling eyes and the chestnut ponytail. There could be a happy ending for them, if they wanted.

But there would never be one for Mike and Kate.

* * *

**Robert Dixon couldn't believe it.**

He wasn't exactly the most sociable person on the ship. In fact, he was most _definitely _the least sociable. But he and the X seemed to have gotten on well despite his 'uncommunicative' nature. He had liked the X. Not romantically of course,but as a respectable and kind woman. And, dare he say it, a friend.

* * *

_''Your explanation is accepted.'' _She had spoken quietly, her green eyes fixed forwards, and although he was in her direct line of sight, he knew she was looking straight through him. Despite his earlier moment of clarity RO's brow furrowed.

_''You haven't heard it yet.'' _Her eyes snapped back to reality, and for one moment he was sure she was going to cry. Even though she didn't answer him back he knew what her eyes were trying to say. _Yes I have._

* * *

There was a bond, an unspoken connection between the children of difficult and tragic pasts. Whether it was acknowledged or not, it was nice to know that someone else had some idea as to what many people lived without, blissfully unaware. And while he knew no details of what had gone on in her childhood, and she knew little about his, the connection was there. The understanding.

She had known when his father had died, and how it had torn him up inside. She had been there for him when he scattered his ashes, and had calmed him with her words. Afterwards, they spoke nothing of it, but something had shifted. She wasn't just an ice queen officer. She was a human. A human who had once been a terrified child just like he had.

She had helped him. So why couldn't he help her? Why did he have to watch her ashes scattered? Why did he have to watch their once cheerful captain close in on himself?

Mike had changed so much since Kate McGregor had… left.

At work he was by-the-book. No more risks. No more loss. He was curt and professional in every single manner.

On shore it was a different story. Their captain would go to a bar or pub nearby and drink himself stupid each time, attempting to drown the past in whiskey or scotch. On several occasions he would have to be collected by Charge or Buffer, though they all knew that he would just drink at home if he was unable to go out.

So the crew of the Hammersley instead devised a sort of 'watch rotation' for keeping an eye on the boss. It had worked well, for a while at least, but it was soon discovered and Mike developed another distraction for himself instead.

He started seeing Ursula Morrell again, much to the crew's dismay. After all, the girl was trouble, and RO failed to see how someone who could have potentially caused a mass poisoning would be anyone's ideal girlfriend.

Nikki was furious. He had never seen her so livid when she found out and she completely went off at him, saying that Kate had been gone barely a six months before he was off with some other woman. Of course, technically speaking, the boss had never been with the X. Neither one would be so foolish as to throw out the rule book for a slim chance at happiness.

Mike stood impassively as Nikki told her boss off. He didn't yell at her. He barely blinked. Nothing was ever said on the matter. In fact, nothing at all was said to her.

For close to four months Nikki had absolutely no say in the running of the ship. If they were headed for uncharted waters, he would handle the navigation of the ship. If he needed another officer on a mission, he would leave Buffer or Charge in control of the ship and go himself. It was not until Buffer, Swain and ET had told him that he was being reckless and irrational that Nikki finally got to perform her regular jobs again, even if her suggested routes were scrutinised over and over again.

It was never the same. And it was times like these – when the seat she had sat in eating meals remained painfully empty - when he wished it was all a dream. That he'd wake up after too many of Charge's guava mojos and Kate McGregor would be on the bridge as normal.

* * *

**Chris Blake wanted to forget that day, but for the life of him couldn't.**

Kate's funeral was small and subdued. There were no photos or stories, and no family. The crew of the Hammersley, Steve Marshall and their ex-chef Toby Jones all stood together as the sun set. Other than the Navy sailors, the only other people there was a man in his late sixties or early seventies who introduced himself to the crew as Bob and a girl in her late teens who never introduced herself, although Nav later told them that her name was Aurora, a girl who Kate had mentored in her free time.

Kate's ashes were scattered off a cliff top overlooking the sea, and for hours afterwards they sat, watching the waves crash against the rocks. When it was time to leave, Mike remained, and although he had resolved to allow him to grieve in his own way, Chris found himself walking towards Mike.

He didn't acknowledge Chris' presence for a long while, his knuckles clutching the ground desperately as if he would spin high up into the atmosphere without an anchor.

Then, just as Chris had decided Mike probably didn't want to talk, the silence was broken.

_"I loved her. I loved her and I don't know whether she knew that." __Mike spoke softly as if testing the words for the first time. He turned around and Chris was at a loss for words. His expression was pure desperation, and he was sure he would not be able to give Mike the reassurance he so desperately needed._

_"I know you loved her. We all... we all knew. And I know she knew too."_

_Silence. Everything was silent. Dead silent._

Chloe was too little to understand what happened to her much loved Auntie Kate. She didn't realise that she was never coming back. 'Forever' is a difficult enough concept for an adult, let alone a child whose only worry was whether she wanted pink or purple cupcakes for her sixth birthday party.

Everyone had been sitting together at the pub after her funeral, just sitting in silence. Of course, there is never complete silence in a pub. There is not even moderate calm. People still laughed. People still loved. People still shouted and squealed and sighed. Life went on as normal. Somehow.

But the Hammersley crew were quiet. No sculling competitions, no shots, no karaoke, no laughter, no smiles. Just pain and the cold realisation that Kate would never join them again.

* * *

**Pete Tomaszewski could remember everything that happened that day.**

He was on the boarding party. He should have realised something was wrong. Maybe he could have even saved her from getting shot. He should have realised sooner that the boat was too clean for an FFV. He should have sensed the trap.

She looked so childlike lying in the Wardroom, a stark comparison to the bloody bandages and frantic faces surrounding her. She was so unlike the tough XO he had known

The CO blamed him. He knew it. It was all his fault. He should have saved her. It shouldn't have been her. She should have lived.

* * *

**Andy Thorpe would take a billion mercenaries stabbing him with screwdrivers if it meant the X would live. **

He had been stabbed, several times in fact. Even now, almost four years on and he still awoke from the nightmares, gasping for breath, sheets clasped tight in his white knuckles. The physical pain may have left but the emotional pain sure hadn't.

But then he'd had to watch as the X was carried back onto the ship. He'd had to see Bomber's blood-soaked clothes and tear-stained face. He'd had to see the desperation in her eyes.

And then he'd had to hear that she didn't make it.

Of course he hadn't believed it at first. The woman had stolen his Tim-tams that morning, and twenty-four hours later she was dead.

She was 29. She had her whole life in front of her, and it had been taken away by some idiot pretending to be fisherman.

* * *

**Nikki Caetano couldn't forget that day.**

It was stuck in her head like some damned audio loop. _Kate… X… died on her way to hospital. She never made it off the Medi-Vac. _

_No! _She kept saying. _She's not dead! She can't be! _

She hadn't just lost a crew-mate. She had lost her best friend. No more Johnny Depp movie nights. No more chocolate runs. No more crying sessions. No Kate.

* * *

**Mike Flynn was in auto pilot.**

If asked who had taken Hammersley back to port in the hours after Kate's death, he wouldn't have been able to answer. He had spent the time hiding in Kate's cabin, back leaning against the door as he mentally catalogued everything of hers, looking for something, _anything_ that would bring her back to him.

He closed his eyes, imagining her lying down in her rack, typing reports at her desk or brushing her hair in the bathroom. He imagined it so vividly that when he opened his eyes again his heart dropped as his eyes flickered around the empty room.

_She's not coming back, __a harsh voice in his mind snarled_. Why was fate so cruel? Why couldn't it have been him? Why couldn't they have been together?

* * *

**Kate McGregor remembered that day too. **

Not all of it. Screams. Bang. Bullet. Pain. Blood. And being moved into the medi-vac. The councillor said that some memories may never return, and Kate found herself at least grateful for that piece of her mind that wanted to protect her.

That man had meant to kill her. But he had failed; the only damage a few flash memories and a scar on her chest.

She woke up in hospital a week later with her chest on fire and her head pounding. As her vision recovered from the bright white light searing above her head she saw a figure standing over her.

"_Kate, I'm Detective Paige Herron. This is Detective Dora Barnes. You're safe now. Can you hear me?" _

They had told her that while the man who shot her was dead, his employer wasn't. There would be more death threats, more attacks and more risk. So they gave her a deal. Witness Protection. Change her name, her appearance, her life. They say she died, and she gets a new life.

But of course, Stubborn Kate McGregor doesn't give in. She doesn't run and hide. She shook her head with as much strength as she could muster.

"_Kate, there are extenuating circumstances." _

A baby. A real life baby growing inside her stomach at this very moment. She looked down at the totally flat skin hidden by the sheets and shook her head again, this time in utter disbelief. There was only one guy who could be the father. There had always only ever been one guy for her. The one who left his mark on her heart.

It had only been one night, eight weeks before the shooting. If he remembered, he hadn't said anything. Maybe he didn't even remember. Maybe he thought it was just a dream. How she had wished it was just a dream as she woke up lying next to him, her head pounding as she made the mental resolution to never drink again.

Mike may not be in the picture anymore, but by some lucky circumstances both her and her baby had survived, and to Kate this was a sign.

She turned to the detectives and nodded.

Kate McGregor became Ashlee Barlow. Life started all over again. New job. New friends. New life.

And a baby.

Her beautiful baby girl Zoe. Three years old and ready to take over the world. Time had flown by. Zoe had rolled over. She had sat up. She had crawled and walked and talked. She may have missed out on the marriage thing, but she had her daughter and despite her earlier fears, it was working out just fine.

And now she was staring up at the sparkling sea as the Hammersley docked, free to resume her normal life. Paul Turner was dead. And Kate McGregor was alive again.


	2. Decisions, Decisions

**A/N:** _**Bold**** and italics is the email. **Italics are thoughts and memories. And emphasis. Emphasis is awesome._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Kate McGregor's stomach flipped.**

She watched as the Hammersley docked, safely out of sight from the disembarking sailors. From the other side of the beach, she watched Spider step off first, Bomber and ET following quickly behind. Swain was next, rushing to hug a very obviously pregnant Sally. Buffer and Charge followed, debating something so seriously that they didn't notice Chloe run to hug them until she had crashed into them.

From her viewpoint, Kate could see ET standing around the corner, waiting for Nikki to meet him and smirked. Hammersley's worst kept secret, those two. A few sailors she didn't know left too, and the dock was so crowded she almost missed the next person getting off altogether. Yet there was no mistaking that unruly brown hair or that smile.

"Mama?" Zoe asked, watching her Mum staring into the distance.

Kate seemed to snap out of her daydream, turning to her daughter.

"Sorry ZoZo. Mummy was just watching the boats."

"I like boats!" Zoe repeated happily, clapping her hands and flicking sand all through Kate's hair. "Oops." She giggled, turning to look at the boats too. "They're really big boats."

"Well, there are even bigger ones Zoe. Huge ones. I've been on a few really big ones. But I like that one there best." Kate pointed to the Hammersley, watching Zoe's eyes go wide as she thought of even _bigger _boats.

"Have you been on that big one?" Zoe asked, pointing at the Hammersley.

"Yeah, I was on that boat before you were born. It's called Hammersley. It was lots of work but really fun."

"What did you do?"

"Hmm… well we rescued people who got lost. We stopped bad people from getting into the country with bad things. But sometimes we had to stop good people coming into the country too. That was always sad."

"Can we go say hi?"

Kate turned back to the Hammersley, watching all their smiling faces.

"Maybe later, Zoe. Okay?"

She lasted four days.

It was just after 3am, yet another sleepless night for Kate. She had lain awake for hours, watching the moon shining on her daughter's hair. As she watched her daughter snuggle deeper into the bed in her sleep, her mind drifted yet again to Mike and the rest of the crew.

Why was she back in Cairns if she wasn't planning on seeing them? Why had she thrown away her new life just to come here and wallow?

She sat up slowly, sliding out of the bed as she tiptoed into the main room and booted up her laptop, opening her email.

_Really Kate? _She chastised herself; _You're going to tell them you're alive through an email?_

Her finger hovered over the keys, watching the cursor flash over and over. She wasn't going to call them. She wasn't going to visit. And if she emailed then they could always ignore her.

Not seeing what else she could do, Kate started a new email on her laptop.

* * *

**Mike Flynn was in love.**

It had been almost four years since she had died and the pain in his chest had yet to stop. Each day was a struggle; a fight against reality to stay breathing. Kate. Why couldn't it have been him? Why did it have to be her?

"Sir?" RO interrupted his thoughts, pushing a piece of paper into his hands. "Email came through for you."

"Intel about our stranded boat?" He asked, scanning the email's subject line. _To all the Hammersley crew_?

"No Sir, it looks like a personal email." RO turned around to head back to COMCEN but Mike stopped him, calling him back.

"Ah, RO, stay for a minute. It's addressed to you all." Buffer turned around from the helm, looking at him questioningly. Mike shrugged in answer to his unasked question, before picking up the intercom phone.

"Nav, Charge, Swain, ET, Bomber, and Spider to the bridge at the rush." He said, still examining the paper.

It took them little more than three minutes to assemble in the bridge, all standing by curiously. Mike had resisted the urge to read it, and was growing more interested by the minute.

"What's up, Boss?" Charge asked, staring at the paper. "Bad news?"

"I'm not sure. I just got an email addressed to you all." And then he began to read the letter out aloud.

_**I don't really know if I'll even have the guts to hit send. These last few years the thought of maybe seeing you all again has kept me going, but now that I'm free everything has changed again. **_

_**I've missed you all so very much, and every day I was wondering what was going on with you all. Praying you were safe, happy and healthy**_

_**I gather there's no easy way to tell you all this.**_

"Who's that from?" ET asked.

"Just keep reading." Nav urged, shushing him.

_**My name is Ashlee Barlow. Or at least that's who I've been for almost four years now. I've been in Witness Protection as Ashlee to protect me. The man on the FFV was hired by Paul Turner, who blamed me for his wife's death and sent someone to kill me. **_

_**But I didn't die, even though that's what you were told. For my own protection I was taken to a new location and given a new identity. Enter Ashlee Barlow. You were told that my death was completely coincidental. That the man on the boat was desperate and looking for any means of escape. Just another stupid accident.**_

"It that who I think it is?" Someone called, he didn't register who. Kate? Alive?

_**My answer regarding the Witness Protection offer would have been no. I try my hardest never to run from any fights. Never to give in. But then I had some unexpected news. **_

_**My daughter Zoe has just turned three. She's such a beautiful girl, inside and out. Honestly, if it wasn't for her I would probably have given up. I have lived in Fremantle for close to four years now, but it's not home. I miss my old life, and living near the water was never enough to settle the sailor in me.**_

"So, she's coming back here?" Spider asked. There were tears in Bomber's eyes and Nav was staring at the floor.

_**I have no idea if the home I am searching for is in Cairns, Perth or somewhere else entirely, but I know I want to find it for Zoe's sake. She deserves somewhere to call home with people who love her. **_

_**If seeing me is not what you want, then I completely understand. Rip up the paper and tell yourself I'm dead. I understand that may be easier for you. I will be down at the old pier where we had our Christmas party tomorrow at 10am. I understand you are just on a quick there-and-back mission and will be in port then. Be there if you want. If not, I understand. I have been dead for four years, and sometimes keeping the past in the past is easier. **_

_**Stay safe,**_

_**Kate McGregor**_

He looked up at everyone, their faces stunned and mouths hanging open. For a long time no one spoke, the only sound the occasional beeping from the radio equipment. Several times, someone opened their mouth to say something but found that there was nothing to say.

And then a small voice spoke up from the back of the group. "I don't want to see her."

A swish of brown hair, and Bomber was gone.

* * *

**Nikki Caetano was confused. **

When Nikki reached the galley she found Bomber cutting carrots with such force that pieces of carrot flicked onto the floor. With each cut the knife was bought down harder and harder on the chopping and Nikki feared that she would soon chop her hand off.

"Hey, hey!" She whispered soothingly, edging the knife out of Bomber's grasp and pulling her into a hug as she began to sob. "It's okay. It's _okay._" She rubbed circles on her friend's back as her sobs intensified.

"I thought… I thought I'd k-killed her. I thought it was my fault." Bomber's words were barely audible, hidden behind great, shaking sobs and hiccups.

"It wasn't your fault, Bec. You saved her. You saved her life." Nikki assured, still in shock herself.

"She was bleeding… so much blood… and I tried but they said… they said…" She broke off again, slipping out of Nikki's arms and pacing up and down the galley.

"She lied to us." Bomber finished, the words sour on her lips. In all her time, Kate McGregor had never lied to any of them. She had always kept her promises. She had always done her very best.

"Bec-"

"You're going to go. You're going to see her, aren't you?" Bomber demanded, wiping her eyes and staring accusingly at Nikki. Nikki took a deep breath before nodding.

"Yeah, I am."

* * *

**Andy Thorpe was silent. **

A lot can happen in two minutes. A baby takes its first breath. Someone takes their last. Someone laughs. Someone cries. Someone falls in love. Someone gets their heart broken. Someone gets the chance of a lifetime. Someone misses theirs. And in two minutes, someone can get a second chance. And someone can choose not to take it.

"I don't want to see her." Mike growled out, eyes angry and bitter.

"Yes you do." Charge interjected, causing Mike's face to flush a deep red.

"Excuse me?" Mike ground out, glaring at Charge.

"Yes you do," Repeated Charge calmly.

"And why would that be?"

"Permission to speak freely?"

"Go for it." Mike replied bitterly.

"You've been pining after her for four years. You've visited the cliff where we scattered her ashes every time you were in port and everyone knows you loved each other. And personally, I think you'd be mad not to want to see her. You've all spent time wondering _why _it happened, and now you've got a second chance, you won't take it. And that's more stupid then them trying to kill her in the first place!"

* * *

**Pete Tomaszewski had mixed feelings. **

When he thought of Kate McGregor, he saw her on that rotting deck of the hold, chest blossoming with blood like a grotesque flower. He saw her hands splayed uselessly at her sides. He saw her eyes wide and terrified. He saw her skin pale, a stark contrast to the crimson blood seeping from the wound.

He hated her so much for leaving them with memories of her like that. Defeated and broken. Nothing like the tough but kind Executive Officer that she had once been.

His stomach clenched at the thought of seeing her again. What if it was all some hideous prank designed to get their hopes up or tear their crew apart? Or worse, what happens if it _was _her and the police were wrong? He couldn't handle her getting hurt again.

And yet the selfish part of him wanted to see her again so much it hurt. She was a great friend. One of the best. She always had something to say that made him feel better. She was always trying to help people (even if it did get her into a lot of trouble). He missed her so much that he couldn't stop the words pouring out of his mouth.

"I'm going."

* * *

**Chris Blake could barely believe his ears.**

He had been sick on the day of the shooting, confined to his rack with an extremely high temperature and no voice at all, completely unable to help at all. Instead, that responsibility had fallen to Bomber as the second medic.

The announcement of her death had affected her a lot worse than others, and for a long time Bomber refused to be a second-medic anymore. Instead, the new Seaman Bird took over. Bird was squeamish and the ultimate girly-girl, but she had a big heart and was always there trying to help people.

Bomber on the other hand was so paralysed with fear that she confined herself to the galley or the bridge, giving the wardroom a wide berth.

But Kate being alive changed everything.

His mind alternated between two phrases as he sat on the bridge heading home. _She's alive._ _She lied_

But he knew in his heart where he would be the next morning.

* * *

**Robert Dixon did what he did best**

He left without saying a word, leaving the rest of the crew to glare it out. Heading down to the COMCEN, he buried himself in work. But even through tide charts and weather reports his mind drifted back to that day.

Did he want to see her again? He didn't know. She had probably been the person he had respected the most out of all on the ship, and her 'death' hit him hard. Kate McGregor didn't judge him, or accuse him of anything without knowing he was responsible. She was caring and considerate of his feelings.

He knew in his heart that he wanted to see her, but terror of the unknown fought him, squeezing the breath from his lungs like a thick python.

Fear. Happiness. Sadness. It was time for RO-bot to face his emotions.

* * *

**Josh Holiday was caught in the middle again.  
**He had thought growing up with three sisters was the most stressful thing he'd ever have to do, but as he stood in the bridge watching Mike glaring at Charge from the other side of the room with Nikki, Bomber and RO nowhere to be seen, he felt his stomach clench. They had helped the vessel in distress and were now headed back to port with the vessel under tow. Usually heading back to base after an interrupted shore leave was usually cause for celebrations and laughter, but today the bridge was silent, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

But at least it gave him time to think. This announcement had turned their whole worlds upside-down, but surely it was for the best? So why was everyone so bitter?

* * *

**Rebecca Brown was angry. **

Okay, scratch that, she was downright furious. Nikki had tried to calm her down but her soothing words only seemed to make her angrier, until all she could think about was smacking some sense into Kate McGregor. Did she really think that she could just waltz back onto the scene and expect everything to be alright? She was turning everything on its head and tearing apart the crew.

She was also upset. Hurt, even. She had spent so many sleepless nights in the last four years racking her brain to figure out what she had done wrong. She had searched for so long, trying to find out exactly why Kate McGregor had died. And what she could have done differently. Every single possible scenario was played on a loop in her head every day as she fought to understand what she did wrong.

But it was a lie. While everyone's life had been falling apart, Kate had spent her time playing make-believe with her daughter, living happily in Perth while everyone else's life had been plunged into a spiral of despair and bad memories.

* * *

**Billy Webb was conflicted beyond belief.**

He had dedicated his free time to spending time with Bomber. He wasn't stupid. He knew she still woke from nightmares sweating and terrified, even now. He knew that she had been hit hard by Kate's death and that there was no way she would be going tomorrow. But while part of him wanted to keep her safe and happy and stay with her no matter what, he knew that he needed to see Kate. If only to see that the whole letter hadn't been a complete hoax. He knew that if he didn't he would never forgive himself.

He just hoped that Bomber forgave him afterwards.


	3. A Meeting on the Sand

**Chapter 3**

**Billy Webb had his answer.**

The way he saw it, it wasn't like she had a say in what the police had told them while she was unconscious. They had told them that she had died on the medi-vac, but she was saying she hadn't awoken until six days later. She didn't lie, the police did.

He and X had never been on the best of terms. In fact, he had never seen her as the time he had cruelly impersonated her at Chefo's engagement party. But they had sorted through it all, and he had fought his best to prove to her he wasn't a complete drop-kick. And she'd noticed and praised him for it. Of course, he'd more often than not take one step forward and two steps back, but despite everything she'd tried her very best to help him. And he'd done his best to make her proud, even after she'd died.

He'd gotten a promotion in the last four years, and he knew that if he'd never met Kate McGregor it wouldn't have happened at all.

He wanted to see her. He was going to see her. If only to say thanks.

* * *

**Rebecca Brown didn't know what to do.**

Part of her wanted to see Kate. Wanted to reassure herself that she hadn't killed her friend.

But she was terrified. Short fuse. Look at what she'd done to Spider over a few chips. What would she say to Kate after she'd let them think she was dead?

She shook her head and kept cutting steak with a sharp knife, gaining a small amount of satisfaction every time the blade cut through the raw meat. She wasn't going. She couldn't.

* * *

**Josh Holiday usually hated it when he had night watch.**

But tonight, he didn't mind. It gave him time to think which was a rare feat in the Navy and especially on a Patrol Boat. The relaxing forward and back of the ship against the waves calmed his whole body, and as the rhythmic beeping of the radar continued in time with the waves, his mind began to drift.

He found himself thinking back five years ago to their shootout with the insurgents on Ray Walsman's boat. When he had been hit squarely in the chest and fallen to the ground. Bullets rained all round, yet Kate had leapt forward, quickly firing back and taking one of the men out before seizing the back of the Kevlar vest and dragging him back to cover. She risked her life to save him, dragging him to safety at great personal danger.

At that moment the door was ripped open as their new XO Lieutenant Sampson entered the bridge, banging the door loudly after him.

"Sir?" ET asked, biting his tongue to stop himself snapping at his new XO. From the moment he had come aboard six months ago, the man had been nothing but trouble. He seemed to think that he was above the crew, not just in terms of rank but in intelligence and worth as well. Like Kate McGregor all those years ago, he had preferred big ships, but unlike her, he had not bothered to try to adapt. Frequently referring to the Hammersley as a 'big old rust bucket', he had become the most hated crew member in record time.

"I came to check that you hadn't crashed the boat.'' Sampson grinned smugly, running a finger along the control panel of the EOD. ''Not that it would be a huge waste, but it would look terrible on my record to lose a boat.''

ET grunted noncommittally, keeping his fists clenched and eyes forward.

''So what's the deal with Princess Perfect coming back?'' Sampson continued, turning to ET when he didn't answer.

"Leading Seamen, I asked a question." He threatened.

''She was in Witness Protection. There was a threat on her life.''

''Hmm... I never liked her. She was very stuck up.''

''Funny, I never got that opinion.'' ET shot back, and Sampson pivoted to look at him.

''Well you never met her at ADFA. Us officers pick up things you _junior _sailors don't.'' Sampson turned towards the EOD again before revealing the piece of information he had so obviously been dying to use since he boarded the ship. ''I bet you didn't know that Princess Perfect only got top of the class after sleeping with her instructor.''

''You shouldn't trust the rumour mill.'' ET managed to grind out, his teeth gritted so tight he was sure that they would soon start breaking. Sampson ignored him though, the smug look still firmly on his face.

''Princess Perfect and her instructor Mike Flynn. How interesting. I bet there was some tension there when she first boarded-''

''Shut your mouth, Sampson!'' ET leapt to his feet, taking a few steps to his boss.

Sampson turned around, his eyebrows raised. ''Bordering on insubordination, Leader-''

''I don't care, Sampson.'' He cut him off, invading Sampson's personal space and gaining a small amount of satisfaction at his terrified face. ''If you say anything against Kate McGregor again I can guarantee you no one on this ship will have any qualms against throwing your smug face overboard.''

''You wouldn't dare cross me-''

''Oh, I would. Because Kate is a good person. An amazing person in fact and I won't stand for her being insulted and her name slandered out of pure spite and jealousy.''

''How dare you-'' Sampson seized ET's collar and slammed him against the wall.

''What the hell is going on? 'Nav's voice called out angrily from the doorway. She strode forwards, separating the two men.

''Leading Seaman Holiday reacted badly to something I told him.'' Sampson cut in, straightening his clothes.

''And what did you tell him?'' Nikki demanded, and for a moment Sampson squirmed under her glare, seeming to forget he outranked her. Then the coldness returned to his eyes.

''Nothing to worry your pretty little head over, Lieutenant. Now I have to lodge a report of the assault-''

''No you're not. I guess since you don't want to tell me what you said, it's lucky I heard.''

''Sampson, in the six months you have been here you have made no attempt to fit in at all. In fact you have done your best to swing your weight about the ship. But let me tell you, Leading Seaman Holiday is correct. Hammersley is a family, and pissing off an entire crew is not a good idea, especially when Kate is like a sister to them. And I'd be more than happy to send you swimming with an anchor attached to your feet if you don't shut up. Got it?''

Sampson flinched, speechless, before pushing past her and running out of the bridge.

* * *

**Robert Dixon was sick of all the tension. **

They were due to dock back in port at 0645 today and it was just passed 0600 now. Normally at this time everyone would be taking advantage of the last meal made for them by Bomber for a while. Today though, no one felt like eating, for in less than four hours they would see Kate again.

Of course not everyone was going. The new gap-girl, Bird, never met her in the first place. The Boss had refused point blank and Bomber had ignored anything to do with their ex-XO. As far as he knew, everyone else was coming, eager to head down to the beach for a friendly reunion.

And while he was happy that he would be able to see her, he hadn't forgotten everything else. How when he passed Bomber's cabin at night time he could hear her crying or waking from a vivid nightmare. How everyone's blood would run cold every time they boarded a vessel. wondering who would be next. How the CO and Nav barely spoke. He hadn't forgotten.

* * *

**Chris Blake's stomach was in knots.**

As they all disembarked the Hammersley no one spoke, instead silently heading for the car park or in the direction of Naval housing.

''Petty Officer?'' A voice called out behind him. He spun around, pulling his scattered thoughts together as he saw who it was. Commander Maxine White had taken over from Commander Marshall as head of NAVCOM almost two years ago now, but Swain had had little contact with her.

''Yes Ma'am. Sorry. We're all a little distracted.''

''So I saw. A problem I need to address?''

''Not really Ma'am. Just some unexpected news.'' It was clear she wasn't going to let him off the hook, and so he explained everything to her while she nodded.

''Well I can understand why you were all distracted. That's... that's huge.''

''Yeah it is.'' He paused for a moment before throwing caution to the wind. ''Kate and the CO... it was never acted on but they loved each other. But he's so angry now and... well, I know you two are friends. Maybe you could talk to him?''

Maxine's eyes widened for a moment as if some mysterious piece of a puzzle was finally clicking. Then she turned to look up at the ship. ''Yes. Yeah, I'll talk to him. Good luck today. And thank you.''

* * *

**Pete Tomaszewski was nervous beyond belief.**  
His gut was churning so much he had to will his stomach not to empty itself, taking deep breaths of fresh ocean air. He was terrified that it was all going to be some ridiculous hoax and the empty beach would be the last straw for them all.

They met at the ship at 0930, with the exception of Mike and Bomber. But they had expected nothing else and so the seven of them trundled down to the beach together, hearts in their throats.

Nobody spoke. Instead they all walked in complete silence, occasionally chancing a glance around them before their heads turned back and they focussed on their footsteps instead. Left, right, left, right, each step accompanied by the pounding of their hearts in their ears. Left, right, left, right, onto the sand.

It was a cold morning, and only a few surfers braved the icy water. No one payed any attention to the seven sailors walking onto the beach.

As they looked towards the old wharf, their hearts collectively sank. There was no one there.

Buffer turned to the rest of them behind them, trying to find the right words to say. This had to be the worst kind of torture ever. A cruel hoax. He could not believe anyone could be that heartless, but he had been surprised by the actions of people many times before.

And then Spider smiled and pointed. He turned around to follow Spider's eyesight and grinned. As he looked closer to the sand dunes he saw her sitting there, digging in the sand next to Zoe.

Kate.

* * *

**Andy Thorpe was **_**really**_** nervous.  
**This was it. No turning back. They had all hoped and prayed and cried and shouted and now here was their second chance, ready on a platter. And yet none of them moved, frozen in a mixture of happiness, shock and relief.

She hadn't noticed them yet, her back to them as she patted the bottom of a bucket, lifting it up to reveal a prefect sandcastle.

"She looks so… different." He muttered as they all watched, awestruck. Her hair was longer than four years ago, hanging down her back. She was only wearing jeans and a light cardigan over a singlet, though she didn't appear to be feeling the cold, though the child – _Zoe_, he reminded himself – was all rugged up. But it wasn't just her appearance that was different. It was the way she moved and the way she tickled her daughter as a tiny fist turned the sandcastle to ruins. No longer did she only exert authority and power. As Charge looked at the woman they had all thought they'd lost, he saw a mother.

Her head whipped around suddenly, leaving Charge with the unnatural feeling that she knew exactly what they were all thinking. As she stared at them all he could see her eyes darting between them all, and knew she was looking for Mike. But her disappointment seemed to only last a few seconds before she stood up and began walking towards them, Zoe's hand clutched tight in her own.

And then she was there right in front of them and he could barely believe it. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions and yet all he could do was smile like there was no tomorrow.

And then with a flash of brown hair Nikki had thrown herself into Kate's arms, hugging her tight and the spell was broken.

"I've missed you all so much." She whispered, hugging Nikki tight. As they broke apart she looked up at the rest of them and Andy could see that her eyes were bright with tears. He could count the times he had seen her cry on one hand, and it tore at his heart to see her tears now. She ducked her head for a few seconds, furiously wiping her eyes before turning back to her ex-crewmates.

"Where have you been?" Nikki asked, leaning slightly into ET's arm.

"D… do you want to sit? It's a long story."

* * *

**Nikki Caetano was overwhelmed with happiness.**

They sat on the sand dunes, staring out at the waves as Kate talked.

"I'd had threats before the shooting. I'd been in danger on shore leave. You all saw how jumpy I was on that last shore leave at the pub. But I did feel safe on the boat. I think that's why he did it. Why he hired that man to shoot me at sea. He would have known that if I survived I'd never want to be at sea again." She looked away, trying her best not to cry.

"After I came to in the hospital, there were two police officers. They told me that for my safety and my baby's they'd told you I was dead. I… I got so mad. They had no right to do that without my permission. But then I found out I was pregnant and as much as I hated to run I… she was my baby. I could risk my life but I wouldn't risk my child's. They had my evidence and after Taylor was put in gaol I was moved to a safe house. I was still recovering and I slept a lot of the time. I don't remember much of that. I was there for two weeks, with medical care and physical therapy. Some days I wished I would just die. I hated it. I couldn't go outside. I couldn't be alone. And then they moved me again to another house in Melbourne. I was there until I recovered well enough to function by myself. Then I was moved to Perth. Fremantle, by the water. It was nice, I guess. They thought I'd miss the ocean. Truth is I was so terrified of it I used to go out of my way not to walk past it. I'd keep my blinds shut in my room so I couldn't see the water." They all turned to look at the waves crashing on the shore, silent as Kate continued.

"I was still under police protection. I had to call in twice a week, and then later it was once. I was Ashlee Barlow out in the real world, and I had to remember every single thing about her so I wouldn't let anything slip. She was twenty-nine, born at the end of June. She was recently divorced from her childhood sweetheart. He'd cheated on her and told her he wanted nothing more to do with her or her kid. Soon to be a single mother. She'd wanted to be a dancer when she was young but she worked in a homemade jewellery shop in Bicton. Her favourite colour was blue. She was an only child raised by her now-deceased grandmother. She grew up in Tasmania. None of it… none of it was me. I felt like… it was so _hard _to get to know people when I didn't even know myself. I mean, what I'd done, who I was, it was all gone. The only thing I got to pick was what my daughter was called. It was like I was living someone else's life."

"That must have sucked." Spider muttered.

"Yeah, it did. But I made one good friend. And I have Zoe. It definitely got better. And then I got a visit from my Witness Protection officer. I had a choice of coming here and seeing you all, or I could stay as Ashlee Barlow and we'd never speak of it again. And I felt like… I needed to at least come here, you know?" There were a few sombre nods but still no one spoke for a very long time.

The waves crashed heavily with the winter weather as the sun was yet again blocked by thick grey clouds. An icy gust of wind caught them all and Charge found himself staring at Kate's light cardigan.

"Aren't you cold?" Kate looked down at her skin through the black wool, shaking her head.

"I don't usually feel the cold. It's the heat that used to bother me. Zoe?" She called her daughter over, pulling her jacket sleeves down and zipping the zipper higher.

"Are you coming back to work on Hammersley?" Spider asked as Zoe sat on Kate's lap.

"I'm out of the Navy altogether, Spider." Kate turned to him, a wry smile on her face. "Why, missing me?"

"The new XO's a dic-" ET started to explain, but was silenced by a sharp whack to the ribs from Nikki.

"What was that for?" ET demanded, doubled over and winded. She glared at him, fighting the urge to laugh at the likeness between ET's face and her nephew's after his mother said he couldn't have ice-cream. Keeping a straight, serious face she gestured at Zoe.

"You can't talk about your XO behind his back, let alone swear in front of a child!"

"Because you guys _never_ spoke about me behind my back." Kate cut in, smile wide. Spider and ET immediately went to protest, but Kate's eyes narrowed as she stared Spider right in the eyes.

"Chefo, you big spunk?" She prompted, her voice completely deadpan. Spider blushed a furious shade of red and ducked his head, trying to gather his thoughts.

"She got you there, Spi."

"Yeah, I did. So who's your new XO?" Kate asked, turning towards Buffer and Swain.

"Mama, what's an XO?" Zoe asked before either of them could answer.

"Oh, Executive Officer. Like a second in command."

"Shouldn't it be EO then?"

"Navy sailors aren't as good at spelling as you are, ZoZo."

"Yeah Zoe, I think that's why your name only has three letters. Sailors can't spell. And our newest XO is Lieutenant Sampson."

"Roger Sampson?"

"Yeah. He says he knows you."

"Yeah, we go way back. He doesn't like me."

"Why not?"

"Oh, nothing much. Never you mind." Kate said slyly. "But if he gives you any trouble hum the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy underneath your breath. He'll leave you alone."

Mike Flynn watched from afar.

They had all seemed to forgive her so easily, giving her a second chance she didn't deserve. They may have forgotten all the heartache and nightmares she had left in her wake. They all thought he was the one that was wrong. That he was throwing the opportunity of a lifetime, but he knew what was best. Kate McGregor was like a drug. He could never get enough of her, even when she was killing him slowly and painfully.

But he'd been unable to completely resist, so instead he watched from afar as they all smiled and laughed. He didn't want to talk to her. Never ever again would he fall victim to Kate. It was a maddening dance. He broke her heart, she broke his and the whole charade began again.

He didn't need her.

He was with Ursula. He loved her.

_I love her, I love her, I love her, _he repeated over and over again in his head as he wondered exactly how long he'd been lying to himself.

* * *

**Kate McGregor was exhausted.**

It was 2000 hours and Kate was in the hotel room trying to coerce her daughter into her pyjamas as she ran, giggling, around the room. It was small and contained only a queen sized bed and a small lounge chair. The TV attached to the wall was said to have forty channels, but Kate had deduced thirty-five of them were static, and at least two showed the news reports of countries she'd never even heard of.

Underneath the tiny bench in the corner of the room sat a tiny bar fridge that hummed loudly and an electric kettle that left her coffee tasting slightly metallic. There was a small sink and microwave, but mostly Kate and Zoe ate out at restaurants or had sandwiches on the beach.

As Kate's eyes roamed around the room she longed to be back in Fremantle. Their small white and blue cottage was certainly not luxurious, but it had been home for almost four years, and to be away from it now was killing her. Not that it seemed to bother Zoe. It was all one big adventure to her.

"But I'm not tired." Zoe protested as she bounced on the bed. Her curls hung down her back as she jumped to the door, dodging Kate's outstretched hand.

"But I was thinking we might be able to go to the park tomorrow. And we won't be able to go if you're tired tomorrow."

"But I won't be." Zoe assured her mother, picking up her stuffed white rabbit toy from the bed and sitting herself on the lounge.

"What about Evie? Won't she be tired?" Kate asked, nodding at the bunny toy. Zoe looked at her bunny, peering at it quizzically.

"Evie is a bit tired."

"Well how about you lie in bed with Evie and I'll read you a story?"

Her daughter frowned for a moment, trying to decide if she was being tricked, and Kate had to force herself not to laugh.

"Only if you read _The Faraway Tree_." The Faraway Tree had been a story Kate had read many, _many_ times as a child and not surprisingly it quickly became one of Zoe's favourites too. She loved the story, but was more taken to the pictures in the book, loving the colours and magic in it, and Kate would often hear her playing it with her dolls back at home.

"_Faraway Tree_ it is." Kate smiled, grabbing the book off the bench and lying down on the bed as her daughter cuddled up to her.

Zoe had fallen asleep almost instantaneously and for a long time Kate had just sat and watched her daughter sleep. With any luck, she would never have to go through all the heartache that Kate had. Kate closed her eyes and breathed in Zoe's scent; vanilla and ice cream and grass that comforted Kate on the toughest of days. She felt her body relax as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When she awoke the sun was up, shining brightly through the curtains as the birds squawked loudly in the trees. She stayed still under the covers, basking in the warm glow the sun provided, a nice change to the frigid cold that had plagued them all for months.

Despite the fact that working in a store could be ridiculously boring, she had to admit it had its benefits. She had no mobile phone tying her down or waking her up at ridiculous hours. She no longer had to be up half the night chasing down drug dealers or pirates (although some nights when Zoe was a screaming baby she would rather the drug dealers, just for something productive to do.)

A knocking filled the room, jolting her back to reality. For a few moments she lay still and frozen, sure she had misheard. Who would want to talk to her? Just as she had assured herself it was a trick of hearing, it sounded again. She edged herself out of the bed, careful not to wake her still-sleeping daughter, and pulled a grey sweater over her shoulders.

The door hinges screamed in protest as they were opened to reveal...

''Nikki? What are you doing here?'' Kate prayed her voice didn't sound as tired as she felt, although seeing as she hadn't had any coffee yet that was highly unlikely.

"Did I wake you up?" Nikki's smile slipped as she looked Kate up and down. The blonde felt her cheeks flush as she tried to smooth the wrinkles out of her _Eeyore_ pyjama pants.

"I don't know. What's the time?" She spoke softly, glancing over at her daughter.

"Almost nine. I thought kids usually woke up at the crack of dawn?" Nikki muttered, peering over Kate's shoulder at Zoe.

"She usually does. She was pretty exhausted last night though. Look, I'm going to need some coffee if I'm to stay conscious during this conversation, no matter how metallic it tastes. Come in, just be quiet."

"I'll be as quiet as a mouse, Kate." Nikki assured her, nodding fiercely as Kate stepped aside to allow her entry. Nikki took a seat on the small lounge while Kate busied herself with the kettle, turning around every so often to check her daughter was still asleep.

"Yeah sure. Do you want some coffee?" She grinned, turning around with a coffee mug in her hand, head tilted in question.

"No thanks. I'm good."

"What about…" Kate burrowed around in a small bowl next to the microwave, "an arrowroot biscuit?" She held up the plastic-wrapped biscuit for Nikki's inspection. The brunette took the biscuit, nibbling on it as the kettle boiled.

"So why are you here at my hotel room at the crack of dawn, Nikki?" Kate queried, taking a sip of coffee and wincing as the bitter taste hit her throat.

"It's 8.50! I didn't think you'd still be in bed!"

"No more 4am starts in retail. At least not since Zoe started sleeping through the night."

"Sorry, I didn't think."

"It's fine. I was just lying there." She sat herself next to Nikki, beyond caring about her messy attire.

"I spoke to Bomber last night." Nikki started, watching Kate close to see her reaction. The blonde looked down at her toes, mood instantly dampened.

"And?" She prompted when Nikki fell silent.

"And she still feels the same way. She doesn't want to see you. At least, not yet. But give her some time." Kate nodded, although she felt like crying. If she could have gone back in time she would have found some way of letting her friends know she was okay. Especially Bomber.

"I feel so terrible. I should have made them tell her. I should have…"

"You can't change the past, Kate."

The pair fell into silence for several minutes, the only sound the birds outside and the occasional sighing from Zoe as she tossed in her sleep.

"So... meet any cute guys while you were away?" Nikki broke the silence, trying to lift the mood, and Kate had to stifle a laugh.

"Trust you to bring that up. And I worked down the road from the lifesaving club. So of course I did."

"Anyone worth mentioning?" Nikki pressed, her curiosity instantly tugged.

"One." Kate answered simply, refusing to give anything else away.

''And?'' Nikki pressed.

''And he was a nice guy, Nikk.''

''That's all I'm getting?''

''Pretty much.''

''Spoil sport. What about Zoe?''

''Well she's got a boyfriend named Rhys.''

''But - what?''

''Yeah. She got into a fight with him a few weeks ago and he picked her a flower to say sorry. She looked at the flower, sniffed and said_ you could get me more flowers. _By the end of the day she had an armful of flowers and they were best friends again playing mums and dads.''

''Cute. But off-topic. Zoe's Dad. Spill.'' Nikki demanded, emphasising each point with a poke to Kate's forearm.

"What about him?" Kate sighed.

"Does this mystery man have a name?"

"Everyone has a name.''

"Are you being deliberately evasive?''

''Of course I am.''

''What's his name?" Nikki continued, ignoring Kate's previous comment. Kate turned to Nikki, rolling her eyes.

''Give it up, already. You already know who it is. You're just fishing to check you're right."

"I knew it!' Nikki shouted, forgetting about being quiet and falling off the lounge in her excitement. A huge grin was firmly situated on her face as she grinned at Kate. ''Does he know?''

''I doubt he even remembers. I can barely remember. The next patrol he barely spoke to me and I have no idea if it was because he got the hint it was to be forgotten or he genuinely can't remember. Either way Zoe is mine, not his.'' Kate finished so forcefully that Nikki was rendered speechless for several long moments, her mouth opening and closing silently like a goldfish..

''But... but this is your second chance. You could be with him! You could live here and be together-'' Nikki babbled on and on. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. Mike and Kate were supposed to be together. They were supposed to try and hide their relationship for a while but Nikki knew they'd eventually get caught out. They were supposed to get married and go on some disastrous honeymoon and still love each other as much as they always had.

''Nikki, it's not going to happen. I'm sorry but Mike and I missed our chance a long time ago.''

''I don't accept that. If this isn't a second chance then I don't know what is!''

''He's moved on. He's happy.''

''Okay, if that's what you think then you are definitely not as smart as everyone thinks. Ursula is a distraction, plain and simple. He still loves you...''

''Nikki-''

''...and if you can't see that then-''

''That's enough on the subject. I mean it. No more.''

''Mama?'' A small voice murmured from the bed. ''I don't like elephants dancing in the bedroom. Don't let them dance. They'll spill their drinks.'' Zoe's words made little sense as she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

''Where did the purple elephant go?'' She asked quizzically, looking around the room.

''Baby, you've just had a dream. It's okay. There are no elephants.''

''I like elephants.'' Zoe whispered as she hopped out of bed, sitting on Kate's lap and closing her eyes again. It was obvious she was still half asleep, her words dreamy and nonsensical.

Nikki watched as Kate kissed Zoe's forehead, feeling like she was intruding on some private moment. Seeing her tough ex-XO acting so calm and motherly felt invasive, but she understood Kate's words. Kate loved Zoe with every fibre of her being. She didn't want to let anyone else in because she didn't want to lose that.

But why had she come back?

* * *

**A/N: **That story about Zoe, the boyfriend and the flowers is based off my five year old cousin. She's awesome.


	4. Normality and Grief

**Chapter 4**

**Kate McGregor now knew why most of the parents she knew chose to shop without their children.  
**

"No, Zoe." Kate shook her head for what seemed like the hundredth time as her daughter attempted to lift yet another unnecessary product off the supermarket shelf and into the trolley. Kate placed the box back on the shelf, earning a cry of despair from the young girl.

"Zo, we don't need it. You don't like Coco Pops and Mummy has some of her muesli back-" She almost went to say home, but then realised their tiny hotel room didn't qualify as home at the moment. Her old place in Cairns had been sold along with most of her things when she 'died', and their home in Fremantle sat still and quiet, awaiting its owner's return.

"Mummy, what's wrong? Are you sad?" Zoe moved closer to Kate, clutching on to her leg. ''Is it 'cos I grabbed the Coco Bumps, because I didn't mean to make you sad.''

"I'm fine, baby. It's fine." She shook her head, hoping that she could shake herself out of her thoughts as well.

''Well can I get juice poppers? I drink juice poppers and they're good 'cos you can take them to the park.''

''Apple juice or orange juice?'' Kate smiled, already knowing the answer.

''Orange please Mummy.''

Kate put the poppers in the trolley as her daughter skipped ahead.

"Want to ride in the trolley?" She called after her. Zoe paused, considering. Walking so far made her thirsty and tired, but if she sat in the trolley she couldn't help her mum pick what to buy.

''I'll walk.'' She answered determinately.

"Well, don't run off, okay?"

"I'll stay." Zoe chanted. Kate turned to grab a packet of pasta from the back wall, throwing it in the trolley just as Zoe spoke again.

"Mummy?"

"Yeah?" Kate prompted, looking at the bolognaise sauce. Expecting some story or random observation, her daughter's complete lack of response confused her. She looked behind her to see where Zoe had gotten to find her standing right next to her.

Kate crouched down Zoe's level, unsure as to what was going on. ''Zoe, did you have an accident?''

Zoe moved her mouth next to Kate's ear, her hot sticky breath tickling. ''Mummy, that woman over near the hair sparkles keeps looking at you.''

Perplexed, Kate turned to follow Zoe's gaze, freezing as she saw the woman Zoe had been talking about. Rebecca Brown.

"Bomber?" Kate broke the silence, Zoe taking the time to lift the Coco Pops back off the shelf and place them in the trolley.

"Ma'am." Bomber replied coolly, seeming to gather her thoughts.

"Rebecca, you can call me Kate. I'm not in the Navy anymore." She replied slowly and unsurely, having nothing better to say. She felt like she was opposite a poisonous snake, unsure whether it would strike or slither away.

"I know you're not in the Navy anymore." Rebecca spat back, glaring at Kate. Zoe hovered in the middle, uncertain about what was going on.

"Yeah?" Kate asked, unsure as to where this was going.

"Do you know why?" She started to walk back down the aisle. "Because you're dead."

The words slapped Kate hard in the face, and she gasped, unable to get enough oxygen into her lungs. She could not believe the fire and fury in her eyes. She had hurt her, yes, but seeing her like that made Kate realise just how much.

''Bec-'' Kate began, taking a few steps toward her.

"Stay away from me!" Bomber growled, turning the corner and leaving Kate feeling worse than she had ever felt before.

* * *

**Mike Flynn was drunk.**

But still not drunk enough. He was still thinking. He could still remember. The thoughts and memories were still swirling through his mind, and no matter how much he drank, they would not leave him.

* * *

"_Now what kind of girl goes to a bar in the city on a Friday night and reads?" Mike smiled as the young blonde turned to raise her eyebrow at him. She stared for a moment, green eyes flicking over his body before she replied. _

"_The type of girl who avoids men who interrupt her when she's reading a very interesting book." She quipped back, closing the book in her lap. _

"_But how else would I buy you a drink? You've been reading non-stop for the last hour and a half." _

"_Have you been watching me?" _

"_You're the most interesting thing in this bar." He replied with a small smile. She rolled her eyes slightly, gesturing around the room. _

"_Well given that the bar is mostly filled with drunken University kids and all the kids from ADFA, that's not the knee-weakening compliment you thought it to be." _

"_The city then. I'm Mike. Mike Flynn. Can I get you a drink?" _

"_Cute, but I buy my own drinks." _

"_How else will we keep this witty conversation going?" _

"_You could join me I suppose." _

"_You suppose?" _

"_Well I don't promise anything more than I can give, Mr Flynn." She turned to the bar, quickly ordering a glass of red wine for her and a bottle of beer for Mike. As the bartender returned, Mike quickly payed for the drinks before she could. She narrowed her eyes at him for a second but said nothing, returning her wallet to the black bag hanging over her shoulder._

_The pair returned to the lounge in the corner, sipping at their drinks. _

"_So, do I get to know your name at least? You know mine."_

"_Kate." _

"_Knew there was a reason I loved that name. Do you have a last name?"_

"_I do. Whether you learn it or not is a different matter entirely." _

"_Oh, I'll learn it, Kate." _

* * *

"_Where the hell's my top?" Mike awoke to Kate scrambling around on the floor. She was dressed in dark blue jeans and a black bra. _

"_Now I could get used to waking up to that." Mike murmured as he rolled over to get a better look at her. _

"_Give it a rest. I'm running late already. Do you know where my top is?" _

"_Try the kitchen." _

_The blonde returned to the room twenty seconds later with a black top on. She hopped on one foot as she struggled with her other boot, before running to the bed. _

"_Alright, I've got to go. Sorry. But I'll call you tonight." _

"_Call in sick and stay here today." _

"_You have to work. It's not just me that's busy." _

"_So I'll call in sick too. Come on. Live a little. We can stay in bed, have lunch on the beach, go see a movie..." Mike tangled his fingers in her hair, kissing her passionately. _

_Kate smiled against his lips, kissing him back for a moment before poking him in the ribs. He jerked away as she flashed him a devilish grin. "No, I have to go and you need to get ready. Besides, we've pretty much spent the last two weeks in your bed and now it's back to reality. But I'll see you tonight." _

_She was out the door before he could protest any more. _

* * *

_As it turned out they saw each other long before nightfall. She had been sitting in the corner, daydreaming about the last two weeks with Mike. He was the first person she had completely trusted in a long time and she was sure that she was quickly falling head over heels in love with him. _

_**Kate Flynn. **She smiled at the name like a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl, unable to believe how quickly she had fallen for Mike. The name rolled around in her head and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her life was changing and she wanted Mike to be in it forever. She was so deeply absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open or the class quieten until the door banged shut in the breeze. Her head jerked up to look at the new arrival, and felt her blood run cold as she saw who it was._

_''Okay everyone, I'm your new lecturer, Lieutenant Mike Flynn. Welcome to advanced navigation.'' _

_He hadn't noticed her yet, sitting in the corner fighting back tears. She felt a cold twisting pain in her chest like someone was actually twisting the organ. Heartbreak. Because just as she had finally found someone that made her happy, it was all going to be torn apart. _

_She watched him silently as he marked the roll, counting down the names until he saw her and their relationship would end. _

_''Kate McGreg-'' He looked up, shock written all over his face. Neither one had mentioned the Navy at all. Mike had said he would be lecturing and Kate had murmured something about classes. Neither one had imagined anything like these could happen._

_Until two weeks ago, the Navy had been the most important thing in Mike Flynn's life. Since he was seventeen his life had revolved around tides, watch rotations and boarding parties. He was happy being married to the sea. But in the fortnight with Kate the Navy had become a distant thought, like the memory of a childhood holiday. He had thought someone as smart and creative as Kate would be studying at University, not training to be a Naval Officer. But here she was, blonde hair knotted in a tight bun, eyes burning with fear and sadness. She was still so beautiful, and he longed to hold her. _

_''McGregor.'' He finished, moving his head back to the list. It wasn't fair that after years of loneliness and the occasional blind date he had finally met a woman worth settling down with and she was his student. Two weeks. Only one fortnight with her before they were torn apart by a number and a rule in the Navy Guidelines._

_He had no idea how he got through the rest of the lesson. He avoided making eye contact with her, rambling about sand banks and coral reefs while his students took notes unenthusiastically. She kept her head down the entire lesson, silently writing, and Mike didn't dare try encouraging her to do otherwise. Even from the other side of the room, every now and then he would get a whiff of her shampoo and get lost in memories again. _

_The bell rang suddenly, waking him from his thoughts and although he wasn't expecting it, his students seemed to have packed up earlier for an easy getaway. He had half-hoped, half-dreaded that Kate would hang back so that they could talk, but in a blink she had pushed her way through the door and disappeared from sight. _

* * *

He looked up, fighting back tears, and signalled to the bartender to bring him another drink.

* * *

**Nikki Caetano was excited.**

For the first time in a very long time, it seemed almost everything in her life was going great. She had her best friend back from the dead, things were going great between her and Josh and they had two weeks shore leave. What could be better?

She had just settled herself on the lounge with a glass of red wine and a trashy magazine when the phone rang, breaking the peaceful silence. Uncurling her legs from underneath her, she ran to answer the offending communication device, muttering under her breath the entire way.

If her shore leave was about to be cancelled...

"Hello, Nikki speaking." She answered brightly enough.

"Nikk," Sniffed the voice at the other end of the phone. "Can you please come over? I just – please?" Nikki had never heard her sound so defeated. But then she supposed a lot had changed these last few weeks and that it wasn't all good for her.

* * *

"I'm going to sound ridiculously naïve but I honestly didn't believe that she hated me that much." Kate concluded as she finished recounting her meeting with Bomber. The pair of them sat on a bench as they watched Zoe play on the swings in front of them.

''She took your death pretty hard, Kate. After the shooting, she stepped down from her duties as second medic. She'd have nightmares almost every night. And during her free time she'd read medical journals, notes on trauma, information on treating gunshots, anything she could think of.''

''I didn't know.''

''She doesn't like to talk about it that much. And I know she wants to see you but it'll take her some time.''

"No!" Kate stood up suddenly, pacing anxiously.

"I mean, what am I going to do? I'm living in a freaking hotel room with my three year old daughter. Everyone hates me. Zoe misses her friends back home. I mean really, what am I supposed to do here? It's not like I can just be your XO again. I'm out of the Navy for good. So why am I even here? I shouldn't have even come. I should've left you guys alone." Nikki grabbed Kate's forearm, wrenching her into a sitting position again. Kate's fingers drummed against her leg anxiously as her ivy eyes flicked anywhere but at her friend. In that instant, she wanted to take Zoe and run. She wanted to jump on a plane and go back to being Ashlee Barlow for ever and ever.

Nikki patted her knee as Kate bit her lip, fighting back tears.

"Hey... I know things are tough but... but you can't leave. We need you here. I need you here. Promise you'll stay?" Nikki spoke softly and reassuringly, although Kate was observant enough to hear the fear in her voice. But she really didn't want to have to lie to Nikki again.

"Nikk..." She began, concentrating hard on her shoelaces. She spoke with such a dejectful tone that Nikki could tell exactly what she was going to say.

''No.'' She cut her off, unwilling to accept any disheartened apologies. ''Do you honestly think leaving now will fix anything?''

Kate looked up at Nikki with mournful eyes, begging her friend to understand. For a moment Kate let her mask slip, allowing her friend to see the guarded and fearful woman beneath. Her answer was as plain as day.

* * *

**Andy Thorpe was exhausted.  
**He hated duty watch. Hated sitting in a dull grey bridge for hours on end when there was so much more he could be doing. Unfortunately though, tonight he had pulled the short straw, stuck bored and exhausted while a warm bed and a good movie were getting more and more enticing with every passing second.

Eventually after what seemed like an eternity Lieutenant Sampson entered the bridge. Charge wasted no time handing over the watch to the grumpy XO before taking his leave.

He had just gotten to his car when his phone began to ring and for a moment he just glared at the device that was potentially jeopardising his evening.

_**Incoming Call  
NAVY Mike Flynn  
Answer?**_

He sighed, hitting the green 'accept' button and lifted the phone to his ear.

"If we have been crash sailed I may just fake an illness." He said by way of greeting.

"Hello?" The voice that answered back was definitely not Mike Flynn's; that much he was sure of. Charge frowned, checking the caller ID again, before replacing the phone in its previous position next to his ear.

"Who is this?" He asked.

"Sorry to bother you. My name is Evan Thomas, I work at the Imperial. You know, the pub. We've met before."

Charge remembered the conversation he had with Evan just the other night about their football teams. He was a nice kid, even if his taste in footballers was terrible.

"Yeah, I remember you."

"Good. Well, I have Mike Flynn here. To be honest..." Charge heard some slurred yelling in the background, "...He's a little drunk. Actually, he's completely smashed and he refuses to leave the building quietly. Would you be able to pick him up? I'd call a taxi but he's refusing to tell me his address and-"

The warm comfy bed and good movie vanished as Charge looked at his watch. "I'll be there in five. Thanks Evan."

* * *

The first thing he heard when he stepped inside the pub was his boss's loud voice arguing with Evan and another worker.

"Listen... just wanna drink. Okkaaaayyy?" He slurred his words, throwing his wallet at the bar.

"Sir, you're drunk. Okay? We legally can't serve you. I've called someone to take you home, and you can have a nice sleep." Evan reasoned with him, looking up and seeing Charge.

Mike turned and followed his gaze, his eyes narrowing.

"'Arge! Won't lemme chrink."

"Boss, you've had enough. Come on, I'll drive you home."

"No! No no no no no..." He tried to stand, but couldn't.

"Yes. Come on." Charge grabbed Mike's shoulder, attempting to steer him towards the door.

"No! No! No! No! No!" Mike twisted out of Charge's grip, fists flailing.

"Boss, you need to go home. Sleep it off."

"No! Can't. Don't wanna." And with that he slumped against Charge and passed out.

Charge turned to Evan, holding his Boss up.

"I'm sorry. He's not normally like this. He's just... he's under a lot of stress at the moment."

"That's fine, Mate." Evan picked up Mike's wallet off the bar and handed it to Charge. As Charge went to pocket it, a small piece of paper fluttered out of it and onto the bar.

''Girlfriend troubles?''

''Something like-'' Charge stopped as he saw the picture Evan gestured to, lying face-up on the bar for the world to see. It was a simple photograph, a cheap polaroid probably taken by one of the people in the shot, but it was so frayed around the edges that Charge knew it was anything but a forgotten snapshot. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment, and scrambled to retrieve the fallen photograph, stuffing it in his pocket.

''Thanks Evan. I'll drive him home and he can sleep it off.''

* * *

It wasn't until they were out at sea that he was able to speak to Mike. He had tried to before, but Mike was so bent on avoiding them all that it was virtually impossible to get hold of him.

And so that's why he had cornered him in his cabin.

''Boss, you need to talk to her.'' He decided straight up and one-hundred-percent honest with him was the way to go.

''Talk to who?'' Mike feigned ignorance and began shuffling through papers.

''Kate McGregor.''

Mike flinched at her name but didn't look up.

''She's out of my life forever, Charge. I thought I made it perfectly clear earlier. I don't want to see her.''

''I'm sorry Sir, but that's crap.''

''Charge, she lied. She died. It's over.''

''If it's over then why do you keep this in your wallet?'' Charge pulled out the photograph he had pocketed the previous night. Mike stared at the photograph for a few moments, thumb twitching like he longed to stroke the picture. ''You were with her before Hammersley, weren't you?''

In the photograph, Kate and Mike smiled at each other, ghostly memories frozen forever in time. Charge handed the photograph to Mike and turned to leave, opening the door.

''She was in the past.'' Mike spoke softly, still staring at the photograph. Charge gave him a sad smile as he stepped out into the hallway.

''There's no reason she can't be in your future, too.''

* * *

**Pete Tomaszewski had missed being at sea.  
**Hammersley had been in port all week, still and silent while its crew were anything but. While it was nice to have time to relax, Pete had missed the feeling under his feet as the Hammersley soared over the waves like a magnificent eagle.

Of course not everyone had been as relieved to hit the waves. Lieutenant Sampson had done nothing but complain about their leave being cut short, moaning and groaning until Nikki had snapped and told him in not so many words to shut his mouth or get out of the bridge. He had left not long afterwards, embarrassed and angry, and Nikki had taken the ship.

Buffer had stayed by the radar, happily talking to Nikki and Spider about childhood pets, first homes and cubby houses amongst many other things.

Nikki's first pet had been a mouse when she was five. Her brothers had put in her bed in an attempt to scare her, but she had fallen in love with it. She had named him Yogurt and had looked after him for almost a three months before her mother found out and made her set him free.

Spider's first pet had been a lollopy Labrador named Bungy, who had been around long before he was. When he had started school, Bungy would walk him to the gate then trot back home, and would be there with his tail wagging when the final bell rang.

Buffer had owned only one pet in his entire life, a duck that had been around for more than twenty years. Her name had been forgotten many years ago but was affectionately dubbed 'Mrs Quackers' by the schoolchildren who had passed it on the way to school. The duck had fast become a family legend and on several occasions he had asked his mother if the duck had died and she'd simply bought another one. She'd denied profusely, and the duck eventually died at the astonishing age of twenty-five.

It was nice to sit and talk about memories not bogged down in tragedy and despair. Light-hearted chatter. No sadness this patrol. Especially seeing as it was his last.

* * *

**Chris Blake missed his family.  
**As much as he loved being at sea, he loved his family more. The time he spent in port with Sally and Chloe seemed to fly by, no matter how long they were docked for. He knew that this is what he had signed up for, but that didn't make it any easier. While he was at sea Chloe had learned to walk, learned to talk and had her first day of school. He had missed it all.

At least he had the opportunity to talk to her when he was away, even if it was only through email. No matter how little it compared to holding his family in his arms, it helped prevent the months from dragging on and on. And so after dinner he ran to his cabin to check his emails. He couldn't contain his grin as he recognised Sally's address. Eagerly opening it, he began to read.

"_Chris,  
_

_Took Chloe to the park yesterday with Cooper, one of her friends from school. They were playing Navy Boats on the playground. Chloe insisted on being the Coxswain just like her Daddy. Attached a picture for you to bore your crew with." _

Swain laughed out loud as he opened the photo, his beautiful daughter laughing on the play equipment not far from their house. Still smiling, he turned back to Sal's message.

"_I ran into Kate and Zoe at the beach today and ended up talking to her for a while. Chloe was really happy to see her. Even happier when she discovered that Zoe and Chloe rhyme. _

_I'm really worried about Kate though. She was outwardly happy but I could just tell she was putting on a brave face. She's really down on life, Chris. I don't really know what to do. I offered to take her out to look at somewhere to rent, but she said she probably wouldn't stay here long so I offered to babysit Zoe for a bit so she could clear her head but she didn't want that either. Chris, she must feel so alone. I really don't know what to do to help her." _

There it was. Confirmation of what he already knew. Kate didn't want to stay; she wanted to run.

Of course he couldn't say he was surprised. After all that she had been through, it would be difficult to confide in people and trust again. She had been forced to pack up her whole life with no time to prepare. Everything that she had been in Cairns had been stripped away, leaving her with a fake name and a fake life. And then, just when she had settled into the life of Ashlee Barlow, she had been told that she was free, just like that.

"_She's got the option of going back to Perth and staying as Ashlee Barlow, and I think she's going to take it. Honestly, the way life has been, can you blame her?"_

* * *

**Josh Holiday was so incredibly nervous.  
**He knocked on the door to the CO's cabin before he could back out, anxiously hopping from foot to foot. This was it. He was finally going to do it.

The door opened quickly, and ET's stomach dropped when he saw the angry expression on the Boss's face. However the harsh eyes softened when he saw who it was, and Mike forced a smile.

"ET. What can I help you with?"

"Uh, Sir, I was wondering if I might be able to have a word with you in private." Evidently the wrong thing to say. Mike's eyes flashed dangerously as ET hastened to clarify his words. "It's not about Kate. I mean, we can talk about her if you want. But I guess you don't." _Oh geez. Stop babbling. Just say what you want._ What I mean Sir, is that I'd like to talk to you about the possibility of a shore posting for me."

Mike looked up, surprised. "A shore posting?"

"Yes Sir. If you don't mind can we discuss it in your cabin?" ET gestured to the door, speaking quietly so that he wasn't overheard by the sailors walking past. Mike nodded and gestured for him to enter, offering ET the seat at his desk while he perched on the bed.

"If you don't mind me asking, is this something you've been thinking about for long?" Mike began, unsure whether it had been his behaviour of late that had caused this abrupt wanting for a transfer.

"It's been on my mind for a few years now Sir, but I've only recently decided that now is the time."

"I see. And would there be a reason for this transfer?"

ET didn't reply at once, but Mike knew the reason before he'd even asked the question and waved away ET's attempt at an explanation before he'd given it.

"Right, well I suppose you would prefer a Cairns posting?"

"Yes Sir."

"I'll send the necessary paperwork in to Navcom. But it will be up to them to approve it. You may not get the posting you want."

"Well Sir, my contract is up this year and if I can't get a shore posting in Cairns I'm considering leaving altogether." It was a shock even for him to hear the words coming out of his mouth, but as soon as he did it all made sense.

"Well, I hope for the Navy's sake you get a shore posting, but if you don't… well, Nikki is one lucky lady and I wish you two the very best."

"Oh, Sir, nothing happ-"

"I trust you both when you say nothing happened on the ship. Just keep it under the radar 'til you're off the ship, okay."

"Yes Sir. Thank you Sir!"

* * *

**Robert Dixon was no psychiatrist.**

He made it a rule not to meddle in people's affairs, whether they asked him or not. He was the socially-backward sailor, and was happy to keep it that way. No one ever came to him for advice, and he never asked for anything in return. He was happy being RO-bot the reclusive sailor.

But he felt their pain. He felt just as upset as anyone, even if he had no idea how to express it. It was difficult sometimes to stand by and watch but no one had ever wanted his help before, so he never offered.

Until now.

He had heard her nightmares, her screams and sleepless nights. He had seen the bags under her eyelids and the tear stains on her face. But he had never said anything.

But now she was sitting slumped in the galley, looking so defeated and un-Bomber-ish. His breath caught in his throat as he realised that she was asleep, her body no doubt having given in to the many sleepless nights. He stood silently in the doorway, watching her eyelids flicker and her soft whimpers and moans turn to desperate terror-filled shouts. In an instant he ran to her side, shaking her shoulder hard.

Her eyes flew open, hand grasping behind him, grabbing for something that was not there. Then as suddenly as she had woken up, her body went limp again as she collapsed into his arms. He rubbed her back awkwardly as she sobbed into his shoulder, not entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing.

He wanted to say something, anything to stop her from feeling like this again. But he could think of nothing, so he just held her tight as she cried.

He didn't know how long it was until she finally broke away from his grip, nor did he care.

''Another nightmare?'' He asked softly, handing her a tissue from his pocket.

''They... they stopped for a while. Now that she's back they've started again. And the kid... Zoe... she's in them too. Bleeding and crying for Kate. And I'm frozen to the spot and I can't help.''

Her voice cracked, exhausted from all the sobbing. She looked exhausted too.

''Bec, maybe you should take some leave for a while. Get it sorted out.''

''Robert, this job is the only thing keeping me sane. At home it's...''

''Yeah, I understand.'' And he did. It was a lot easier to deal with grief if you have a distraction, even if it wasn't the healthiest.

''I think you need to talk to her, Bomber. I really think that's the only way-''

''I don't want to talk to her. She can stay in Cairns and you can enjoy your little get-togethers but-''

''She's going back to Perth though.''

Bomber looked up, confusion covering her face. ''What? No she's not.''

''I thought you'd have heard. She's going back to Perth on the 22nd.'' Bomber looked at the date on her watch. The 12th.

''That bitch.'' She got to her feet and began pacing up and down the galley, eyes flashing with anger.

''I thought... you'd have been happy.'' RO spoke quietly and unsurely. He had thought the news of Kate leaving would stem the flow of nightmares, but all it did was make her angry.

''Happy?'' She spat the word out as though it was poison. ''Happy? She turns up out of the blue, turns everything upside-down and now she's going to leave again! In what universe did you think I'd be okay with that?''

Robert flushed a deep red and turned to the door. ''I suppose I thought you'd be relieved she was out of your hair, but I guess one again RO-bot gets it wrong. I'll leave you be now. We're half an hour out from port so you'll have at least 48 hours away from me to recover.''

Before Bomber could protest, he was halfway down the corridor.

* * *

**Rebecca Brown was pissed off.  
**All this arguing, the tears of frustration and exhaustion, their new XO, it was all traced back to one problem. Kate.

Nikki was sticking up for her, saying that it wasn't her fault that she disappeared. Charge was relieved to have her back. Spider was falling over himself trying to prove he wasn't just the screw-up kid she left behind. Everyone was falling over themselves to make _her _happy.

After all the grief she had put them through, Kate couldn't just come back after four years of leading everyone to believe that she was dead. It just didn't work that way.

And she was going to do something about it.

It was dark when she arrived, the winter sun having set a long time ago. It didn't matter though. She knew what number Kate was staying at. 14b. She took the steps two at a time, blood pumping in her ears. She felt a stinging in her hands and saw that her fingernails had broken the skin of her palm.

She reached the ugly green door and knocked hard on the wood, ignoring the scraping pain in her knuckles. It was no worse than the pain she already felt. That she had felt for four years.

The face flashed before her eyes, just like it did at night. Green eyes focused on something no one else could see, blood blossoming from her chest and smeared underneath her. And her dead cold skin.

And then the door was pulled open, and Bomber had to fight the urge to feel how cold her skin was. For a moment, no one spoke. And then Kate started to speak and the rage came back to her.

''You bitch.'' Bomber cut across her greeting. ''You're taking off?''

The tears fell, betraying her. Making her feel weak and angry. She took a step closer to the blonde and was pleased to see a flicker of fear cross her face.

"I mean, do you have any idea what you put us through?" She wiping the tears from her eyes. "You just came here. You just came back after four years and expected everything to be fine! And now you want to leave again?"

"What, did Sally broadcast it on the news?" She muttered, more to herself. Then she turned to the room. ''Zoe, go brush your teeth, please.'' She watched for a moment as Zoe skipped off and then took a step outside the door, closing it behind her.

She spoke quietly, but Bomber could still pick up the emotions in the words. Anger, sadness and... No. Regret?

"I thought it might make things easier. On you and Mike. I didn't want to cause any more drama then I already had."

''How considerate.'' Bomber muttered sarcastically, but Kate ignored her.

"When I was a kid... I didn't have the easiest life. In fact it was one of the worst. And when I was a kid I always dreamed of running somewhere new. I could change my name, start over, you know? But when I was Ashlee Barlow... I've never felt so alone in my life. I had Zoe, and I love her, but you know how difficult it is to make friends when your whole life is a lie? So when I had the opportunity to come back I did. But, it's making everything so difficult on you all and it's not fair on any of you. That's why I was going to leave. If I don't even know who I am and what I want, then how can I expect you guys to?"

''Do you want to leave?'' Bec murmured, unsure whether or not she wanted the answer.

''I have absolutely no idea. Yes, I think it's what's best for Zoe. And the sooner I'm gone the sooner everything goes... well... easier I suppose.''

''Who's deciding it would be easier?''

''You can't deny that me turning up has changed things.''

''So you're going to run away?''

''Good, we understand each other.'' Kate crossed her arms as she used her famous McGregor glare.

''I will never understand you.''

''Even better.''

''Look, Nikki needs you here. And you've got to sort out whatever is going on with you and the boss, not run away like a coward.''

''And what about you, Bomber? What do you think I should do?'' Kate challenged. Her companion didn't reply at first. The question had caught her by surprise, and she had no idea what she wanted. Five minutes ago she would have said that she wanted her to stay away, but now things were different.

"Well, maybe I don't want you to leave either."

* * *

**Billy Webb was excited. **

The crew – minus the Boss who had refused to come and the new Executive Officer they had _forgotten_ to invite – had agreed to a get-together BBQ at Buffer's place today, and Kate and Zoe were both coming as well.

It had been strange to see them all together again, with Kate so un-X-like. She filled them all in with stories of her life over the years, and they in turn filled her in about Hammersley's adventures.

Despite their CO's refusal, they had decided to have a good time none-the-less, and the BBQ was sizzling by the time Swain and Sally finally arrived.

Zoe spent a lot of the time playing with Chloe in the tyre swing outside while her mother chatted with Nikki and Sally. Bomber drifted between the three women and the boys, still feeling awkward and angry despite their apparent truce.

It was nice to have just a day to relax and talk without responsibilities. But the real surprises came after lunch.

"Can I get a bit of silence here?" Buffer yelled out, everyone instantly turning to him. "Thank you. Now I just have something to say. I… I've applied for a transfer. I've decided that _Hammersley_ has become a home to me and while that's great, I feel like I need a new challenge. I believe I'm getting a frigate posting in a month or so. Last patrol was my final one."

The chatter broke out at once. For Swain and RO it was no surprise at all. For others like Bomber and Spider, the news was completely out of the blue. But the general consensus was negative.

''Hey! Hey! _Hey!'' _They all fell silent as they turned to the woman who had yelled. ''Everyone just settle down. Buffer is choosing to further his career and you could all be a little more supportive!''

''Yes Ma'am.'' Chorused Bomber, Spider and ET. Kate raised an eyebrow.

''Ma'am? I'm off the ship. No longer your XO.''

''Sorry. But you used your XO voice!'' Spider protested.

''My XO voice?''

''Yeah! You know, the you-are-so-cleaning-toilets-until-the-end-of-time voice.''

''I don't have an XO voice!'' Kate protested.

''What about when Lucy broke your shoes?'' Zoe giggled.

''They were my favourites! And don't you gang up on me!'' Kate tried to defend herself but failed, laughing along with the rest of the crew.

''Everyone, I'd like to say something please.'' ET called out to the group. No one reacted.

''Oi, you lot! Shu-'' Spider caught sight of Zoe and Chloe. ''Uh... shoosh! ET's going to make a corny speech.''

They all fell silent and turned to ET, who appeared suddenly bashful.

''Okay, well there's something I want to say. Buff, I'm sorry to be stealing your thunder but I... I applied for a shore posting and it finally came through today. I'm officially off the Hammersley too.''

''What?'' Nikki squealed along with the rest of the crew. ''Why?''

''Isn't it obvious?'' Kate cried out, unable to contain it any longer.

"No." Charge, Spider and Swain answered at the same time. Everyone turned to face ET again, still waiting for the answer, although the girls all had knowing smiles plastered on their faces.

"Because I want to be with the woman I love." He answered, turning to Nikki.

* * *

**A/N: **Just a quick note that the story about the duck is somewhat true. Except ours lived to be about 35. No joke. She was pretty awesome.


	5. Bridging the Gap

**Chapter 5**

* * *

**Billy Webb couldn't believe how much sugar Bomber had in her coffee. **

Enough for an all-day sugar high at any rate. The sugar in her coffee had increased and so had the dark shadows underneath her eyes.

It was strange, because he had thought that Kate and Bomber had been sorting all their issues out, but after the party at Buffer's Bomber had gone off the radar. It was only now that they were both on duty watch that they were able to sit down and talk.

"I brought you a coffee." He smiled as he stepped onto the bridge, passing the mug to her. She flashed him a forced smile before going back to staring blankly into space.

"How are you?" He pressed, mentally wincing at how lame that sounded.

"Fine. You?" She spoke blankly, without a hint of emotion as she busied herself with the radar screen.

"You're not fine, Bec." Spider spoke softly, making her stop.

"Since when do you call me Bec?" She asked, hoping to make the conversation less awkward for the both of them.

"I don't know. Since it's your name, I guess." _Stupid stupid stupid. Why can't you ever just talk seriously to someone? _

"I hate it. Rebecca. It's such a girly name and I'm just… not. I prefer Bomber." She rambled, shifting papers on Nav's desk to make it look like she was busy.

"Bomb, what's wrong? I thought you were managing to sort everything out with-"

"Four years aren't just going to get _sorted out _over one barbecue, now are they?" She cut him off, flashing him a glare. "Can we just get through this watch."

"No, we can't. Don't shut me out. We're friends." Spider watched her shoulders stiffen as she froze.

"I just need some quiet, okay." She murmured at last, and when she turned around Spider could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes.

"Okay. But I'm here when you want to talk." He promised her, hoping against hope he sounded more mature than he usually did. He needed to fix this.

* * *

**Rebecca Brown hated stupid questions. **

"How are you feeling today?" Matthew asked, peering at her over the top of his papers.

"I'm fine." She muttered, looking down at her feet. She focused on the glass of water sitting on the coffee table in front of her, trying to ignore Matthew's stare.

_28 minutes to go._

"How are you coping with Kate returning?" He pressed, watching her flinch when Kate was mentioned.

"Fine." She briefly wondered just how many times that word had been used by the crew of the Hammersley in the last week. _Fine. Fine. Everyone's fine._

"You know, you only get something out of our sessions if you are open and honest. Everything said in here stays in here."

She remained silent, cursing the mandatory _detentions _with the shrink.

"How do you feel about her returning perfectly healthy after all this?" He asked her, and despite her determination to stay silent she felt the words spill past her lips.

"I... I hate her for leaving. For lying and..."

_Bang. _

_Screams. _

_Blood._

She closed her eyes, as if that could stop the memories flooding her brain.

* * *

"_Bomb! Quick! Get her back to the Hammersley!" ET yelled as he lay the X down into the RHIB, blood staining his uniforms. He held his hands over the wound, trying to stem the blood flow but it seeped through his fingertips no matter how hard he pushed. Bomber jumped into the RHIB a second before it began to speed towards the Hammersley. _

"_Have you notified Swain?" Bomber yelled to be heard over the engine. _

"_He can't get up. He's got a severe infection and NAVCOM reckons we can't risk it. You're going to have to treat her, Bomber." ET yelled back, knees soaked in crimson blood. _

"_There's too much blood. I can't-" _

"_You're all she's got." ET gave her an encouraging smile before preparing to move Kate off the RHIBs and down to the wardroom. _

* * *

"-and making you feel responsible for her death?" Matthew interrupted her thoughts, repeating the words she had told him once before. _It was my fault._

"Yes." She agreed.

* * *

"_X, can you hear me? X!" Bomber called out, pressing down hard with a pressure bandage to staunch the blood flow. _

"_Fleet medical on the line." RO called out from the doorway as he put the headset on her. _

"_Able Seaman Rebecca Brown, 2nd Medic. I have a 31 year old woman with a gunshot wound to the chest. Serious blood loss. Bullet is still in. Some advice would be great."_

* * *

She was silent for a while, but Matthew continued to dig.

"But does part of you understand her side?" He pushed, and she sighed.

"I can understand. She was protecting her daughter. I used to... to see the kid as an excuse. But she's a human, right? Not just an excuse."

She looked up, seeking conformation. Matthew nodded, urging her to go on.

"So on the one hand... I hate her. But on the other... I'm so glad she's back."

"Did you speak to her?"

"I was mad, and I went to try to make her feel how I felt. But she just took it. She... she felt bad enough. She was nice to me, even when I was a total bitch to her. She... I felt bad for getting mad at her."

Matthew nodded, before writing something on his clipboard.

"Rebecca, this may seem a silly question but please humour me. Did you ever see Kate as a maternal figure, given your estrangement with your own?"

_What a stupid question. 24 Minutes to go. _

"Rebecca, answer the question." Matthew pressed and Bomber sighed.

"Sometimes I guess. She was more like my perfect, bossy older sister. She was... she helped me. She helped me when I needed it and... and she pushed me to be better. She was nice to me when I needed support and help, but she was also logical and smart. I... I looked up to her."

"Good." He gave her a smile before moving on to his next question.

"So despite all past hurts, are you glad she's back?"

* * *

**Josh Holiday had the place to himself**

Of course, it was _his _house. But now that he and Nikki could be together it was at the risk of being overrun with high-heeled shoes, singlets, fitted tops, skinny jeans, boots, mascara tubes, nail polish bottles, and many, many other items of clothing belonging to Nikki. And that was just his bedroom. Quite frankly, he was too scared to check the bathroom cupboard.

He loved Nikki, but going from the self-professed lady's man to the boyfriend was terrifying.

Of course, he had loved her for a long time before they moved in together, but on the ship it was different. They had always had to pretend there was nothing between them, and it had given them a sort of safety net. Now that they could openly be her boyfriend he was terrified of doing something that would convince her she had made a mistake. And he knew now that once he had fallen in love with her he could never let her go again. At least not for longer than a footy match.

She wasn't here at the moment, having dragged Kate and Zoe out to the shops. As nice as it was to have her with him there were some benifits to being alone and while she was out he fully intended to use them.

He sat down on the lounge, beer in one hand and TV remote in the other. _Alone at last. I can pick whatever TV stations I want. I can talk however much I want. I can eat what I want. This will be great._

Five minutes later he stood up, already bored with the monotony of his surroundings. Why on the day he had to himself was there nothing but golf and Dora the Explorer on TV? He sighed and picked up his mobile.

"Yeah. Hey Buff. Hey. BBQ at the park? Just the Hammersley guys. Lots of alcohol."

* * *

**Chris Blake was hung-over.****  
**It wasn't often that he stayed out late with the boys, but Sally had taken Chloe to go see her parents and so Swain had decided he might as well make the most of it. But maybe he'd overdone it.

"Come on Swaino!" Buff yelled, easily lifting a box out of the truck and passing it to Bomber.

"Yeah, yeah." He muttered, cursing how much stuff they had to loud onto the Hammersley. "Why are you even here? Aren't you off Hammersley now? Missing us already?"

Buffer dropped the box, turning to Swain. "I thought you lazy slackers could use some help. Getting too old to party, are you Swaino?"

"You're older than me, Buff. You tell me." Swain yelled out, but instantly regretted it as the gremlin operating the jackhammer in his head called in a few of its workmates.

"Hey, technically he's not Buffer anymore." Spider called out from the back of the line.

There was quiet for a few more moments before Swain answered. "Nah. He'll always be Buffer anyway."

"Why thank you, Swain. But you'd better not keep drinking, Swain. I suppose you'll be helping X- Kate to move soon and I might not be around to pick up the slack." Buffer smirked.

"She's going back to Perth." Swain replied, fumbling with a box of paper towels. "She's got a flight booked for the 22nd."

"Nav will talk her out of it." Spider murmured, a determined look on his face.

RO looked up from his quiet eavesdropping, rolling his eyes. "Oh, gee Spide. You really think she's going to stay? What about... oh I don't know. Maybe the kid. The Boss-" RO cut himself off as he noticed Mike standing there watching them, an angry look on his face.

"Is she going back?" He demanded, his voice faltering slightly in spite of his determination.

Spider, RO, Buffer and Swain exchanged looks before Buffer jumped in. "She's leaving on the 22nd."

Through his alcohol-clouded brain, Swain could see the pained look on his Boss' face before it closed over and his mask went up again.

"Good. The sooner she's gone, the sooner all our lives can get back to normal.''

* * *

**Pete Tomaszewski was determined to fix things.****  
**He knew damn well that this could count as insubordination. He knew that it was disrespectful and he knew it was just plain mean, but then this was something that needed to be fixed. All patrol, Mike had been angry and unfair – so much so that he had reduced the new Gap Girl Bird to tears three times as she helped Bomber cook. His bad mood was affecting them all, and as a Buffer, it was his job to keep the crew safe. Even if he wasn't officially the Buffer anymore.

He knocked on the door before he could change his mind, waiting for it to open. When it did, it was not Mike that opened the door, but Ursula.

_Great. _

Even so, Buffer was polite to her.

"Hi Ursula, how are you?" She wasn't convinced. She knew what the crew thought of her.

"What do you want?" She sighed, glaring at him.

"I'd like to talk to Mike, please."

"What about?" She sighed irritably, flicking her hair.

"Ursula, I just need to talk to him, okay?"

She gave him a look like she was trying to read his mind, leaning against the door frame. "It's not about _her_, is it?"

"No, it's just guy stuff. Ursula, I need to talk-"

"Ursula? Who is it?" Mike called out from down the hall. Before either one of them could answer, Mike had appeared at the door.

"Pete? Everything okay?" He asked, no doubt worrying about the ship.

Buffer rushed to reassure him. "No, no, everything's fine. I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something."

Mike nodded, perplexed but invited Buffer in. The three of them hovered awkwardly in the living room. Buffer looked towards Ursula.

"Alone?" He finished, staring pointedly at Ursula.

"Oh. Right. Ursula, do you mind?" It was very clear to both men that Ursula _did _mind, but she left the room, glaring at Buffer as she did.

For a second Buffer forgot why he was there, but quickly recovered, turning to Mike.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I'm here to tell you that you need to talk to-"

"Pete!" Mike cut him off, but he just kept going.

"-Kate because you're lost right now, Boss."

"Just drop –"

He knew that he was digging his own grave, but he figured if he was going to be written up for harassment then he'd better try to harass well. "No, I will not drop it. You were in love with her, and whether you're in love with Ursula or not, you still have feelings for Kate."

"I wasn't in love with-"

"No, you were too. Everyone could see it. So how about you sort it out?"

"Petty Officer-"

"I don't care if you want to pull rank right now. I'm just telling you what you need to do. And what everyone else is thinking."

He turned to walk out the door, but a thought occurred to him. He turned back around, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket and scribbling an address down onto it. He handed it to Mike, pocketing the pen.

"That's the hotel she's staying at. Go see her. Do yourself and all of us a favour and sort it out."

Mike slammed the door behind him, shutting Buffer out. But when the door was closed he gripped the piece of paper for comfort.

* * *

**Andy Thorpe knew when a mate needed an ear. **

"Buff, what's up mate? Girlfriend drama?" He asked as he plonked himself into the chair next to Buffer's hunched frame.

"Not this time. Just thinking." Buffer stared at his beer.

"So that's what that sound is." Charge grinned.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we can't let Kate go back to Perth."

"Mate, we can't force her…" Charge began, a pained look on his face.

"I know that. I understand. But for her sake and Mike's… even if it's only forced-Christmas-Dinner conversation, they need to talk. I just came from his place. Told him… I told him that it was obvious that he was in love with her. Gave him her address."

"Mate…" Charge began, looking uneasy.

"Look, he needed to be told. And if it sorts this whole mess out… it's like tough love, isn't it? He needed to hear the truth. Besides, I'm off Hammersley now. Not like he can give me the cold shoulder like he did with Nikki."

"Yeah, but he could write up a report on you."

"I doubt it. Deep down he knows we're right."

* * *

**Nikki Caetano was frustrated****  
**"Have you spoken to Bomber?" She asked, flicking her tongue between her teeth. Kate looked up from small bench where she was making Zoe's lunch for tomorrow.

"Things with Bec are a bit weird at the moment." She muttered, before turning to Zoe, who was sitting playing with her doll.

"Jam okay?" She asked Zoe, who nodded.

"Weird?" Nikki pressed.

"I thought we were doing okay... but then all of a sudden she's avoiding me again."

She didn't know why. Maybe it was that the relief of having Kate back had worn off and Bec's anger was rubbing off on her. Or maybe it was the fact that Kate was so calm. And it was probably aided by the fact that she'd had four glasses of wine. Whatever the reason, she wanted to yell and scream.

"You don't know how much you hurt us, do you?" Nikki growled. Kate dropped the knife in the sink and froze.

"Nikki. I- I thought you said you were fine."

"Oh, I'm _fine. _Mike's _Fine. _Everyone's _fine. _You seriously think I'm okay? You were my best friend, and you just disappeared for four years. How would I be _fine _after that?"

"You didn't tell me you felt like that. You should have told me –"

"Don't you dare lecture me about telling people the truth!"

Kate froze, tears pricking her eyes.

"Do you know what happened, when you were gone? ET almost died again. He was almost killed by some Marine Divers who were skimming petrol. I- I was almost killed. Campbell Fulton came back. He… tried to kill Josh on their orders, because he was Navy and he could have figured out what they were up to. Fulton killed half of ET's dive team along and when we found him… I thought he was dead too. I kept turning bodies over and then I found him and it was like a nightmare. He was so… so cold and I thought… I thought I was too late. But he was still alive – just. I was a wreck and I needed you there, Kate. But you were off living your new life-"

"Look. I'm sorry. What else can I do? I tried to do everything I can to make things easier on you. But I wish you'd tell me."

"Coming from the woman who's too scared to tell Mike he's got a kid!"

Both women froze, Nikki opening her mouth to apologise.

"Kate..." She began, but Kate moved closer to the lounge and lowered her voice so Zoe couldn't hear.

"I... I wasn't going to come back. I... I chose to stay as Ashlee Barlow. For Zoe. She's only little... and I didn't want to confuse her. But... I ran into Sally, while she was in Perth." Nikki seemed to forget her anger, her mouth dropping open.

"But. She never said-"

"She didn't see me. I watched them for a bit. While she was sitting there in a café with Chloe and she got a phone call from Swain. Chloe picked up the phone and was talking to him... she was so happy to be talking to her Daddy and I felt like… like Zoe would miss out on everything. And I figured that maybe I should give it a go. I mean, what are the chances of me seeing Sally in all of Perth? But it happened and I felt like it was… I dunno, fate or something." As she moved closer to her, Nikki could see the tears in her eyes.

"I really hate you for leaving." Nikki whispered, and although it was meant to be an attack, it came out more like an apology.

"I hate me too, Nikki. I mean, do you think it was easy for me? I was dead, there was no chance of you seeing me again and you knew that, but I had to be a single Mum every day knowing I was so out of my depth and that the only people who could help me I could never see again. I used to worry so much about you all, knowing that I could never help if you got into trouble. I had to live wondering about what was happening to you every minute of every day. So please don't tell me I had it easy!"

There was silence, both women standing on opposite ends of the room, breathing heavily. Several times Nikki opened her mouth to apologise, but realised she had no idea what to say. Even when Kate had first came on board, they had never fought like that before, and Nikki had no idea why she had completely lost her cool so suddenly.

She had said she was alright. She had been. So why was she so angry now?

A sharp rapping on the door cut the silence like a knife through butter. Both women jumped, staring at the door. For one moment Nikki thought Kate was going to ignore it and round on her, but then Kate stood up, reaching the door in three long strides.

Nikki sat down heavily onto the bed, staring at the window on the opposite side of the room. She was so ashamed of her outburst that she wished she could melt into the ground and disappear. She was all set to leave when she heard a gasp from the door.

She leapt to her feet, quickly reaching Kate. Her mind was racing, endless terrible scenarios flooding her mind. _They've found Kate again, she's in danger. _But when she peered over Kate's shoulder at the doorway she was not greeted with a gun-wielding maniac or a big bulky thug. Instead a tall man with scruffy brown hair and a cute grin stood in the doorway, staring at Kate.

"Ben?" Kate gasped, and Nikki looked between them frantically. Who the hell was Ben? And then a stumbling of feet and Zoe ran up to the man, wrapping her arms around his leg.

"Benny!" Zoe squealed, hugging him as hard as her little arms would let her. He grinned, lifting her up high in the air and spinning her around.

"I've missed you, you little Monkey." He laughed, throwing her over his shoulder. Then he turned to Kate, who was still standing shocked in the doorway.

"Surprise?" He tried, an unsure smile on his face.

"How did you find me? I… I said…" She stuttered, trying to formulate a proper sentence.

"I called in a favour from my brother. Begged him to find out where you were. I'm now babysitting the terrors for the next three years whenever he wants but… I missed you."

"Is Benny staying?" Zoe asked, snuggling into his shoulder.

"I'm staying here for a bit Zoe in my own place." Ben answered for her, still unsure whether this was a bad idea.

"Mmm'kay." Zoe muttered, closing her eyes as she burrowed deeper into his neck. For a while no one said anything and it wasn't until Nikki coughed to alert them to her presence that anyone moved.

"Um… Nikki, this is Ben. Ben, this is Nikki." Kate introduced lamely.

"The Navigator, right?" Ben asked Kate.

"Yes." Nikki answered, more unsure than ever.

"Right. I've heard lots about you-" Ben put his hand out to shake Nikki's but Kate cut them off.

"Ben, Zoe's got to go to bed. You should probably go." Kate managed to gather her thoughts, taking her daughter from Ben and resting her on her hip.

"I want to talk to you tomorrow. No excuses." Ben prompted.

"Fine." She resigned herself to the fact that she couldn't refuse.

"Tomorrow, I'll come back here and we'll go to the beach. Around ten."

She nodded softly, avoiding Nikki's eyes.

"Right. Fare thee well, young Zoe. May your sleep be peaceful and relaxing." Ben spoke louder now, in a bold voice that made Zoe giggle sleepily.

"Nigh' nigh'" She whispered dreamily, before closing her eyes. Ben waved goodbye to Kate and Nikki before walking down the veranda and the steps into the darkness. Kate shut the door behind him, before turning to Zoe.

"Come on Baby, you need to have a quick shower." She grabbed some clothes from the suitcase on the floor before heading towards the bathroom, Zoe balanced on one hip.

"Kate!" Nikki yelled, rushing after her.

"Not now Nikki." She cut her off, gently pushing her backwards and closing the door behind her.

* * *

Kate read Zoe her story – another _Faraway Tree _tale and left her daughter breathing deeply in her sleep. She headed outside for the veranda surrounding the hotel rooms and was surprised to see Nikki sitting on the bench outside. Slowly and unsurely, she sat next to her, watching the stars slowly come out.

"Who's he?" Nikki asked, motioning to the door where Ben had been.

"He's… he's just a friend. From when I was in Witness Protection." Nikki raised her eyebrows and Kate averted her eyes, mumbling, "He's a paediatrician. He was Zoe's Doctor and became a good friend to me."

"Looks like more than a friend." Nikki commented, sure she wasn't getting the full story.

"Please don't go there, Nikk." Kate muttered exasperatedly.

"Why shouldn't I? I saw the way he was looking at you!"

"Look, he was good to me… and to Zoe. He was like a Dad to her sometimes. And… he made it pretty clear that he wanted to be more than friends with me, but I turned him down. He was okay about it. I told him that I was coming back here. And who I really was when I got the all-clear."

"And he followed you here."

"Apparently." Kate sighed heavily, closing her eyes.

"What about Mike?" Nikki asked, eyebrow raised as she glanced back at the doorway.

"What about him, Nikki? He wants _nothing _to do with me. Or Zoe."

"Kate-" Nikki began, but Kate raised her hand, cutting her off.

"Please don't tell me it will all work out, because it won't. Don't tell me it's all okay, because it isn't." Kate stood up abruptly, heading towards the door, her hands rubbing her tired eyes. "Please just go, Nikki."

* * *

**Mike Flynn was confused. **

Should he even be here? He didn't know. _Kate. _In a few moments he would see her again. It was strange. His heart was telling him to hold her and never let her go, but his head was telling him to run.

Mike shut the car door, taking a moment to lean against the vehicle and focus on his breathing before walking up the steps, looking for 14B. He found the door, knocking before he could change his mind.

_Just don't throw up. Don't throw up. _

It felt like he had waited for hours even though his head knew it had probably been less than thirty seconds. _Not too late to make a break for it. Not too late. Go. Now! _

He turned to leave and almost bumped into a tall brunette man.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"No problem mate. I'm Ben." He grinned. He had a wide smile and floppy brown hair that hung just over his eyes. Not that it seemed to bother him.

"Mike." He muttered. "Sorry, I've really got to go-"

He was cut off by a scrambling at the door of 14B and the loud squeaking it made when it opened.

"Ben, I'm sorry. I heard you knocking but Zoe wanted to wear her party dress today even though we were heading to the beach and -" Kate froze mid-sentence as she stared at Mike.

"W…what are you doing here?" She muttered, nervously tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. It had grown longer in the four years since they had seen each other, and now hung loose down her back. She was wearing a plain green dress and black strappy sandals, and behind her a child, _the child _hung, clutching Kate's hand.

"So you've moved on, then." He spat at her, though it was more of a statement. Her eyes widened.

"Mike-"

"So he's… he's the kid's Dad then?" He yelled. She shook her head. "You told him about the Witness Protection but you couldn't tell me?"

"Ben, you and Zoe go to the beach and I'll catch up." Kate muttered. Ben shot Mike a warning look before heading down the steps clutching Zoe's hand. Kate locked the apartment door behind them before heading to the bench on the other side of the balcony. Mike followed, perching on the bench as far away from her as he could.

"Mike, I met Ben in Witness Protection. He was good to me and Zoe. He… he was there for me."

"I would have been there for you! If you'd told me."

"You would have been there for me?" She repeated, letting out a little laugh. "Mike, your one true love was always going to be the sea. How could I drag you away from all of that? Besides, I had to put Zoe first. It's what being a parent is all about."

Mike got up and began pacing up and down. "So you… you just disappear, do you?"

Kate stood up too and tossed the hair out of her eyes. "Mike, I _didn't have a choice!_ You're all at me like I purposely set out to hurt you. Well, I didn't. The worst thing I did was love my baby. Is that so wrong?" She took a step closer to him, her face full of anger.

"Her name's Zoe. It means life. Her middle name is Sasha. It means gift. She was a gift, Mike. She was a gift to me and it is a gift now that she is alive today. And if I had to upset you in order to keep her alive, well then I'm sorry. But I love my daughter with all my heart and I wouldn't change a thing." She turned away from him, heading for the steps leading down to the road and the beach. Her hand had just touched the railings when he spoke again.

"I loved _you._" She froze for a moment and he found himself begging for her to turn around and acknowledge that he was talking.

"Well, now you're in love with Ursula, so you can go home and love her instead. I'll be out of your hair soon. I'm going back to Perth. So you can stay out of my life and I'll stay out of yours!" And without turning back to look at him, she ran down the stairs and out of sight, once again leaving him alone.

''I love you.'' He whispered to her retreating back.

* * *

**Kate McGregor hated crying. **

She had done so much of it the last four years that she seemed to be a mere weak portion of the XO she once had been. Nevertheless, she had put on her brave XO face as she headed down the sand dune towards Ben and Zoe, her sandals clutched in her free hand.

Zoe was stabbing at the sand happily with a plastic spade, and Ben was watching her happily. Kate sat herself down next to Ben, who immediately turned to Kate. She had to fight the urge to laugh as she saw his face was covered in fluoro zinc.

"Zoe. Not me." He muttered. She nodded, trying to keep a straight face.

"I'm liking the pink. Very macho."

"I thought so too. Want some?" He brandished the zinc wand like a weapon.

"Ew. No. It's pink." She laughed, shoving him playfully in the arm. He jumped up, an evil expression on his face.

"Hey Zoe! I reckon your Mummy wants to have a swim."

"No! No no no no NO!" She screamed as he picked her up and headed towards the water. "Zoe, stick up for me. I gave you life!" She screamed before Ben dropped her and her waist down was covered in water.

"Oh, you're going to pay for that!" She squealed, using all her combat training to knock him over into the water.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Kate was sitting on a towel next to Ben, Zoe now building a sand castle on the high tide mark. Kate and Ben were both soaking wet and rugged up to protect from the cold winter breeze.

"My feet are cold." She muttered, wriggling her toes.

"Get over it. You grew up in London." He muttered and she wrinkled her nose.

"So did you and you're cold too."

"But I'm not complaining." They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment before he turned to her again. "How'd it go?"

Kate had to fight the urge to cry again, and he wrapped an arm around her. "Bad."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope."

"Why are you here? In Cairns. Why not just stay in Perth as Ashlee?" Ben asked Kate, sitting up better to look at her.

"I don't know Ben. I just... I wanted to see them again." He nodded and once again all they could hear was the crashing of the waves before Ben broke the silence again.

"That Mike guy, is he Zoe's dad?"

Kate hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yup."

"Huh." Ben smiled.

"What?" She demanded, turning to look at him.

"Well, he just doesn't seem your type."

"My type? What is my type?" _Clean cut, intellectual, going slightly grey type? Or funny, caring, floppy haired Paediatrician type? _

"And he hasn't spoken to you since?" Ben pressed on, ignoring her previous question.

"Nope."

"Huh. Skittle?" He pulled a packet out of his pocket and handed some to her.

She laughed. "Do you ever travel anywhere without these?"

"Nope."

"You'll get my baby girl hooked onto them soon."

"Eh, I'll wait another couple of months." He grinned. "Not good for her teeth at the moment." The pair sat in silence for a long time, watching Zoe run from the waves every time they got close.

"Ben? I'm glad you're here. I really needed a…" She hesitated for a moment, unsure whether or not to finish the sentence. The last time they had seen each other had been awkward enough. But Ben just smiled, offering her the Skittles again.

"Don't mention it. What are friends for?"

* * *

**A/N: **When I imagine Ben, I sort of picture Tom Wren. If that helps...

Thank you so much for reading. Review if you want. It really helps with motivation :)


	6. A Day at the Beach

**A/N: **Hi again. Am just popping in to post the next chapter of _9, 10, Start Again _for you all. Once again, I am not entirely happy with it but I'm at the point where if I don't post it, it will just sit on my computer for another three years or so.

I have random future parts written so hopefully I can piece them all together, but I have lost a lot of inspiration for this story. I really just want to finish it so I'm trying to just get it done, but I'm also doing work experience, trying to get a job and figuring out TAFE so life has been pretty busy lately.

But anyway, I hope that this chapter doesn't seem too… I don't know… complicated for you. It just seems a little boring to have a whole story on Mike being a loser.

Anywho, before we start I would really like to thank everyone who read/is reading this fic. It really does mean a lot to me. An extra special thanks to everyone who reviewed too. Usually I would have replied to each one personally but at the moment my life has been really crazy so I am really sorry about that. But yeah, I really hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

_**Chapter 6**_

**{Kate} **

She didn't have the guts to run completely. In Witness Protection, fear had always been the thing that had kept her grounded. Keep a low profile. Be able to disappear at a moment's notice. Average job. Average girl. Average life.

No matter how she was feeling or what she wanted to do, that fear kept her from reckless impulse. And now she was being told she was free and safe, but the fear was still there. It ate at her during sleepless nights, making her get up each night to triple check all the doors and windows were locked. It terrified her out in public, causing her to whirl her head around in shopping centres and fields, watching for gunmen or attackers laying in wait.

She understood it all. She would never _truly _be free again. The fear would keep her terrified, hiding and waiting for the end.

She had run from it again, although not quite as far as last time. The two bedroom holiday cabin by the beach was merely ten minutes away, but no one knew she was there yet. Zoe had loved its proximity to the water and the playground. Kate loved the seclusion from the rest of the world, seemingly miles and miles away from the mess she had caused in everyone's lives.

Ben had followed her, keeping her safe like he had tried to every day since their first meeting. His own cabin at the holiday resort was on the other side of the park; far enough to give her space but close enough to give her support. And although he swore it was just a holiday for him, she hadn't been fooled. Like he had done ever since she had first walked into his examination room, he was keeping her safe.

She was sure that she was going to go back to Perth, but Ben's advice had never failed her, and he had told her to stay and be sure. No matter how scared or hurt she was, Ben never failed to make her smile. And annoyingly enough, he was always right. It just didn't make staying in Cairns any easier for her.

It was times like these that her chest would pain her more than ever and she would feel the familiar burning where the bullet had entered her. There was no predicting it. Medically, there was no reason for it. They called it psychosomatic. She hated that word, hated that condition. It was unfair that she had gone through so much and she still had to deal with the near unbearable pain in her chest that came and went when it pleased. She had lost count of the number of times she had bitten through her mouth to stop herself shouting out in pain. All she wanted was for the pain to stop.

As if on cue she felt the all too familiar stabbing pain as she fought the urge groaned in agony. But she couldn't scream. Not in front of Zoe.

"Momma?" Zoe broke the silence as Kate's eyes began to water, the pain almost unbearable. Sometimes she never had to say anything. Sometimes Zoe just knew.

"I'm fine, honey. Just a bit sore." She whispered, taking a deep breath and managing to retrieve the cereal from the cupboard without further incident. She poured some into a bowl as the throbbing in her chest subsided, but Zoe didn't look away.

"Do you need a bandaid?" She asked, cocking her head to the right like she did so often when she was thinking.

"It's fine, Zo. I promise." Kate whispered, sipping a glass of water. "Just eat. I can hear your tummy grumbling from over here."

Zoe giggled, tucking into her cereal straight without asking any more questions and managing to splash milk all down her chin.

"So what do you want to do today?" Kate asked as her toast popped. The pain had dulled to a minor throbbing, easy enough to hide. And she wasn't going to let it control her.

"Beach." Zoe smiled back, splashing her spoon in the cereal and sending milk flecks everywhere.

"Again?" Kate pressed. Every day they were in Cairns they had ended up at the beach, no matter what the temperature. Zoe nodded her head, her blonde curls dangling dangerously over the cereal bowl.

"We've got the beach back at home. We could go to the park, or we could go to the Butterfly Farm. We could go to the movies, or go shopping-"

"I like the beach." Zoe frowned, cutting Kate off.

"I know. I just thought you'd like to do something different." Zoe didn't react. "Okay, beach it is." Kate smiled, tucking into her toast.

"Yay! Can Benny come?"

"How about we drop by his cabin and see? But Ben might have better things to do on his holiday."

* * *

"There's absolutely nothing better to do than sit on a beach and relax." Ben murmured, watching the waves crash on the shore.

Kate's brow furrowed as she turned to her companion. "We live right next to the water in Perth."

"Exactly. And I'll never get tired of it. The beach. The water. The sun reflected off the ocean. It's beautiful."

"Yeah, it is." She watched as Zoe built a sandcastle some ten metres away. "When I was… when I was a kid it was the only place I felt safe. I used to sit at the bottom of the pool or the ocean and wouldn't come up until my head was pounding and my chest was bursting. Nothing… nothing could hurt me there." She trailed off. For less than an hour she'd completely forgotten who she was. Marked. Scarred. Damaged.

"What changed?" Ben spoke softly, letting her know that she could back out at any moment. He knew that she had been shot; he had read that in her fake medical file when she was pregnant with Zoe. He had been told it was a hunting accident, but after she was able to leave her protective custody she had told him the basics. He now knew that Turner had tried to kill her, but she hadn't told him everything. Piece by piece he gained new information, and although it was obvious he wanted to know everything, he had never pushed her.

She shifted uncomfortably, her mood instantly darkened by the thought of that man. Her voice shook as she felt the searing pain that had accompanied the bullet in her chest. She felt it more and more these days, and the nightmares grew worse with each passing day. However she wanted to tell him the truth. He deserved the truth. "Paul Turner."

"You don't have to tell me… if you don't want to then that's-"

"No. It's okay. It's good to… to have someone to talk to… if you'll listen." Her hands shook as she focused on the ground.

"Anytime." Ben promised, smiling at her. She loved that about him. He had never pushed her for information. Everything she had told him, she had wanted to, no matter how nervous it made her feel.

The sand beneath her toes was doing nothing to calm her nerves, so she focussed on her daughter. Her sweet, innocent baby girl. If Kate had anything to do with it Zoe would never hurt like she had.

"A few months before… before the shooting, we got called into NAVCOM. Everyone, the officers, petty officers, junior sailors. Every single sailor. It was an majorly important case. A notorious killer and drug dealer were organising a large deal and after that the dealer was skipping the country with his family, heading to some place with no extradition treaty with Aus. We got called in to intervene." She spoke as emotionless as she could, as if it removing herself from the memories would stop the pain.

"What happened?" It wasn't like he was pressing for information. It was softer than that, kinder.

"I was boarding officer." She continued, still focusing on Zoe. Sweet, innocent Zoe. "We got on the boat and… after some resistance, got it under control. We took him into custody but we soon discovered that other boat hadn't rendezvoused like it was supposed to. We used his boat, kept him and his wife on board to make it effective. They knew he was trying to get out of the country and would keep them with him. But… it went sour. When it came to the crunch the wife couldn't take the pressure and ran out of the wheelhouse where she was supposed to be staying. She got caught in the cross-fire. She got a gut shot. It was a long and painful way for her to die."

She wiped her eyes, sniffing in an attempt to stop herself from sobbing. More than four years on and Jade Turner's limp, bloody body still stuck in her mind, haunting her. Ben pulled her closer to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Once again, she drew comfort from him, finding the courage to continue. "I tried to get to her. I… I had promised him I'd keep them safe. But I couldn't. He went to gaol, his kid ended up in the foster system and Paul... he swore revenge as he cradled his dead wife's bloody body."

"So how did he get to you from gaol?" Kate let out a bitter laugh at his question. Working with children his whole life, he had never been exposed to the dangerous side of life. He had never stared down the barrel of a gun. He had never been held at gunpoint. He had never been kidnapped. He had never been shot. He had never been targeted.

"He has friends on the outside. I wasn't important enough to be killed personally. The brakes were cut on my car, someone pulled a drive-by on my house and the police couldn't do anything about it. I only felt safe at sea. Until then. When I got shot. We boarded this other vessel, got it secure. But when I got below decks…"

She shook her head, her hair shining despite the overcast day. "I don't remember much else. From what I heard, Bomber was put on the hotplate trying to save me. Swain was really sick and he advised her but she was terrified of me... dying. And she tried her best, she really did. She saved me, but she got told I was dead and..."

She clenched her fists, trying to control the shaking. "When I woke up I was being told I'd been in a coma for a couple of weeks. And that I was pregnant." Once again her scar started to burn and she winced, though thankfully it was drowned up by the wind blowing past them. "They told me that I needed to be in Witness Protection, as long as Turner was alive."

"I take it he's dead."

"He's dead. Business takeover apparently. He got killed about a month ago in prison. Can't say I'm too upset. And they believe that if he's dead then it'll be safe for me to return. Start again. Easy for them to say. Everyone hates me."

"They don't hate you. They're just confused." Ben whispered comfortingly.

Kate stood up, throwing a handful of sand out in front of her in frustration. "I'm confused! I'm annoyed and angry and depressed and scared. But I have to be… me." She let out a bitter laugh, running her fingers through her hair. "Ben, I don't know who I am anymore. Ashlee, Kate, Lieutenant McGregor, who am I?" She threw another handful of sand, a pained expression on her face.

"I can't tell you that. That's what you've got to decide. But whether you're Ashlee, Kate, Lieutenant McGregor, Admiral, whatever, I'm here for you. " Ben placed a hand on her shoulder and sat her back down gently, smiling at her.

Kate smiled back at him, squeezing his hand.

She turned back to the beach.

Something was wrong.

An empty pink bucket sat alone on the beach.

"Where's Zoe?"

* * *

**{Mike}**

Twenty-four hours after their confrontation and he was still unable to get the look she had given him out of his head. It was loathing. Disgust and loathing. He knew it well, had seen it every time he looked in the mirror.

He had hurt her too many times for forgiveness to be an option. He had broken her trust and her heart, and she had held onto his.

He opened his clenched fist to look at the piece of metal sticking into his flesh. He had held on to it for almost four years. It was nothing special, a tiny emerald green stone with several dainty silver chains dangling from the setting. Just an earring, but he had kept it with him everywhere. Her earring.

Her earring and a recurring dream. She didn't hate him then. That one night after Bomber's birthday party. There had been lots of alcohol but they had been happy. With her hair tousled and a sheet offering some semblance of decency as her bruised, swollen lips smiled up at him. The earring had clung to a few tendrils of blonde hair, the other still in her ear.

She hadn't hated him then. She had loved him. But it could never be real. Because when he had awoken from his dream he was alone in a cold bed.

He'd found the earring tangled up in his sea-bag and kept it with him the entire time. He knew it was hers straight away; one of her favourites. She had worn it the night they had met, before the rulebook separated them and they were just Mike and Kate. He had kept it because it made him feel close to her again. If he just closed his eyes he could see her smiling face in front of him.

"Mike?" A voice tore him away from his thoughts so violently he felt whatever happiness he had left disappear in an instant.

"What?" He growled back, and from the corner of his eye he saw her flinch. Almost immediately he felt ashamed of the venom in his voice and ducked his head. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop Kate's words tumbling through his jumbled brain, echoing horribly. _You're in love with Ursula now so you can go home and love her instead!  
_

"I just wanted to know if you were okay." Ursula whispered, her voice hoarse as if she had been crying.

"I'm fine." He managed to grind out.

"Mike, look at me." She whispered. He didn't oblige, instead continuing to stare at the earring clutched in his hand.

"Dammit Mike, look at me!"She yelled. Mike's head jolted at her shouts, turning to take her in. She took half a step forward and passed a window, her blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight, though it was nowhere as spectacular as Kate's.

"I'm not Kate." She whispered, and Mike wondered for a moment if he had spoken the words outside. "I love you, and you love her."

"Ursula-" Mike started, wanting to say something. Wanting to _feel _something.

"Save your breath, Mike. You know after Gallagher... after I saw how I'd been manipulated I swore to myself I wouldn't ever be used or controlled ever again. You need to see Kate and to talk to her. Because I'm not settling for second place."

It was only then that he noticed the already packed duffel bag lying at her feet. And what a crappy person he was.

"Ursula. I'm sorry. I'm so... I'm so sorry."

She turned back as she reached the door, nodding curtly.

"I know."

* * *

**{Nikki}**

She hadn't gotten much sleep the last four days. Instead she had lay in bed, counting the dots on her ceiling fan and memorising every blemish on her roof. Every time she closed her eyes the look of pain on Kate's face flashed before her eyes, and her heart would start pounding again.

They had fought a lot when Kate had first come onto the Hammersley. She had played the rank card and Nikki had played with Kate's emotions. She had done nothing when the boys commented on her attitude, looks or record. She had smirked and let it all play out. Kate on the other hand had been more assertive in her attacks; commenting on Nikki's navigation plans or pulling her up for disobeying some rule.

But this was worse than any fight they had ever had. In all their fights, Kate had never simply dismissed Nikki like she had that night. She had always fought back.

As the sun rose and her bedroom got lighter, Nikki began to dose, her sleep plagued with nightmares.

She was in the ocean, drowning. She spotted Kate and paddled furiously towards her, but no matter how hard she swam she didn't get any closer. Then a scream, and she'd turn in the water to see Zoe falling beneath the waves. And Josh to her left, head barely above water. Then the screams of Bomber, Spider, Buffer, Mike.

She woke up just after eleven feeling as though she had just run a marathon. She wasn't any good at fighting with someone she cared about. Sure, she could glare and ignore all she wanted, but when it came down to someone she loved, the self-loathing ate her from the inside. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she got up and looked at her phone.

It had been four days since they had spoken and she had told her to go. Not even a week and the guilt was eating her up inside. Taking deep, shuddering breaths she stood up, reaching one shaking hand towards the phone and selecting Kate's mobile before she could change her mind. It rang only once before it was picked up, Kate's voice filled with terror as she spoke.

"Did you find her?"

"Kate. It's Nikki. Find who?"

Kate's voice shook even more and it seemed that she could barely get the name out.

"Zoe."

* * *

Less than twenty minutes later the crew of the Hammersley, save for Mike and their new XO, were on the beach, checking in caves and behind rocks, anywhere the three year old could be. Their new Bosun and Electronics Technician had joined them too, looking anywhere they could think of.

The minutes ticked on as the surf got rougher. On the beach it was incredibly difficult to see anything in the crashing waves and underwater it was near impossible. The temperature had dropped as the sun hid behind the clouds, and the sea-breeze became stronger and stronger, freezing everyone to the bone. But no one was ready to give up.

"No! I have to go back there! I have to-" Nikki whirled around to see Kate, soaking wet and fighting Ben with all her might. Ben held her fast, wrapping a towel tight around her and forcing her to sit.

"Nikki, she's freezing and barely stopping for breath."

"She's my _daughter_!" Kate shrieked, trying to stand up and stumbling.

"We're all looking. You're no good to her if you're unconscious. And it's not good for your heart if you're stressing your body out."

"I'm fine, Ben!"

"That's why you've been having stabbing chest pains since the start of the year?" Ben challenged, raising an eyebrow. Kate looked away, unconsciously raising a hand to the scar. "Kate, I'm going back to look. Please just sit here for… two minutes, okay?"

Nikki sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her as Ben ran back to the crashing waves again.

"Kate, we'll find her." Nikki whispered in her ear as a new wave of tears began to fall.

"She's just a baby, Nikki. She can barely swim." Her voice cracked as she began to sob.

"Well was there anywhere else around here that you took her to?" Nikki enquired.

"Only the park and the ice-cream store but Ben checked there already. Nikki, I can't lose her. I just… I can't."

Nikki turned to the sand dunes where Bomber and Spider were searching. "Spi, Bomber! Check the park and the ice-cream store. Look under chairs, in tunnels. Anywhere. We're not leaving without her."

"Kate!" ET yelled from near the water. "Is this hers?" In his hand he held a floppy white bunny rabbit toy. Water dripped off it and onto the sand as Kate broke down completely.

"Kate, it doesn't mean-" ET began, running up to Kate and Nikki.

"Well if she's not in the water then where is she?"

And before anyone could argue with her she was back in the waves, diving frantically for a glimpse of golden hair beneath the frothy grey water.

* * *

**{Pete}**

No matter what they knew this was a mission where there was no room for failure. This girl would be with her mother tonight. No excuses. No exceptions.

"Buff, what happens if we can't-"

"We'll find her, Spider." Bomber cut in, leaving no idea in anyone's mind about continuing the conversation.

"Spi, check under the slide over there." She muttered, running for the main playground. It was shaped like a pirate ship - albeit nothing like the ones she had seen in the Navy. They spread out, checking under everything they could think of.

"It's no use. She's not here." Buffer sighed, scanning the playground for any clue as to where she was.

"Buff?" Bomber cut him off, picking up something off the ground.

"So what? It's a lolly wrapper." Spider shrugged.

"It's the same lolly she was collecting the wrappers at the party. She thought they looked pretty."

"So? You know how many kids eat those?"

She ignored Spider's comment, turning to the toilet block next to the park. "Anyone check there?"

They shook their heads. "Okay, Buff, check the guys. Spi, walk to the hill over there and see if you can spot her. I'll check the ladies."

As a rule she avoided public toilets. The one near the park was filthy, with graffiti telling her to do all sorts of things not necessarily anatomically possible and toilet paper all over the floor covered in liquid she prayed was water. The last cubicle was locked.

"Zoe?" She called as she heard a small sob. "Zoe is that you?"

* * *

**{Andy}**

Kate was barely breathing, staying underwater for as long as she could handle without blacking out. Not listening to anyone, she refused to slow down, diving time and time again hoping for a glimpse. Something. Anything that would bring her daughter back to her.

He had never lost a child before. Jess and Jamie were troublesome at best, but they had never disappeared, and his stomach tied itself in knots just imagining what Kate was going through. And as he stared out at the waves crashing around them he knew one thing. If Zoe was still in the water, she wasn't alive.

Kate stood up somewhere to his left, coughing up lungfuls of seawater as she swayed from side to side. Almost immediately he was at her side, holding her upright. She was freezing, her teeth chattering in time with her shaking body.

"Kate, you need to rest." For a second he thought his voice had been drowned out by the roaring wind, and opened his mouth to speak again when she turned to face him.

"If it was your child out there, would you?" She knew the answer. He knew the answer. But she never gave it the chance to be voiced as she ducked beneath a wave and swam up the beach.

* * *

Five minutes passed. Then ten. He soon lost count. Swain and RO returned from the rock pools with nothing to report and joined them in the surf. No one spoke, not that the wind gave them much of a chance. All were just hoping and praying for Hammersley's newest member to be okay.

RO and Dutchy exchanged looks, though neither one said anything. Their searching was getting them nowhere.

The minutes ticked on, every second an eternity as they all grew tireder and weaker. The light was fading fast along with their hope of finding her alive. None of them would last much longer.

And then Robert yelled as all those above the waterline whipped around, dreading the worst. But he wasn't looking at the water.

"Kate!" Charge yelled as he reached blindly for the space where the woman had been moments ago, his fingers connecting with her shirt. She stood up, swaying heavily.

"What... is she..."

"Look for yourself." He gestured to a sandbank just to the right of their eye line. She followed his gaze before staggering out of the water and running up the sandbank. Up on the sandbank, Zoe's hand broke free of Bomber's as she ran to her mother.

They all left the water, heading up to where Zoe was standing, sobbing her heart out. She was alive. She was alright.

"I didn't know where you were. Baby, I was so scared." They heard Kate cry, holding her daughter tight in her arms. Zoe clung to her mother, despite the fact she was sopping wet.

"Don't ever do that again, okay?"

Zoe shook her head, hiccuping and sniffling. Kate turned to the group of soaking sailors, smiling despite her tears. "Th... Thank you. All of you. Thank you!"

And with that, Charge let himself grin, poking Zoe's arm lightly. "Just like your Mum, ey? She was always wandering off too."

* * *

**{Chris}**

The crew could think of nothing they needed more than a beer and a bath, (although after the day they'd had, just sitting with Chloe would be an attractive option for him). But for some reason Swain had headed back to his CO's place.

He gained no reply from the doorbell but he could hear music playing out the back. He headed for the side gate, easily pushing it open. His CO was in the corner near the backdoor, working his anger out on a punching bag.

"Boss?" Chris spoke aloud, feeling the need to announce his arrival.

Mike's shoulders hunched for a moment before he went back to his punching. Swain felt his motivation crumble and began wondering why he came here.

"I spoke to Kate." Mike tried to say it as nonchalantly as possible but he could hear the sadness in his voice. Glad that some lines of communication were being opened he put on an encouraging smile.

"Well, that's good."

"She had her boyfriend and her kid there playing happy families with her." The punching bag swung violently at the mention of Kate's 'boyfriend'.

"For what it's worth, I've heard they're just friends." Chris spoke quietly, hoping that he might be able to sort out their problems. _Heaven help us all when he finds out Ben's a doctor._

"I bet he's a smug prick." Mike growled, the punching back flung over towards the wall.

"I met him today. He really cares about her. And Zoe."

"You... you met him?"

"Yeah, briefly. Zoe went missing. Nikki called us all to help. Kate was really shaken up."

At this information Mike's head jerked up and he stared at Chris.

"Did they... is the kid okay?"

"She's fine." Chris assured him, his eyes keen enough to see the relief in his eyes. Mike nodded, somewhat dazed, before turning his attention to his hands again.

"Boss?" Chris spoke softly, choosing his words carefully. "Is there... I mean... Kate would have been pregnant before she left the ship. Did you and her-"

"No." Mike shook his head, cutting off Chris's words. Turning his back to his subordinate, he busied himself in removing his boxing gloves.

"You should give her a second chance."

"Don't start this again."

"She can't change the past. And neither can you."

"You don't understand!" Mike yelled, throwing the boxing gloves as far as he could.

"Then help me to! Instead of drowning yourself in booze and work. Help me to understand why you're throwing away your shot at happiness!"

"That kid could have been mine. _Kate _could have been mine."

"They still can be."

"How? She's never going to forgive me."

"Yeah she will. And you know why? Because what's in the past doesn't matter."

"How the hell would you know, Chris? You and Sal are the poster couple!"

"Are you kidding? Everyone has their problems. Including us." Chris took a deep breath before continuing. "Sally left me once. Chloe was sick and crying all the time. I was at sea. With my friends. I mean she was completely alone. Anyway, I got an email from her mother saying that Sal had left. I tried everything I could think of to get her back. I called everyone I could think of. Everyone. And it was tough, for both of us, but she came back. And we worked on everything. We still work on it. Nothing's perfect but Sal and I, we're stronger than ever. Because what you need to remember is that when you love someone you can beat anything."

* * *

**{Robert} **

He, ET and Nikki all sat on the veranda to Kate's small cabin, sipping hot coffee. RO and ET both had thick towels wrapped around them, but the winter cold had seeped right through to their bones. No one spoke, instead staring out at nothing in particular, replaying the events of today.

It could have gone so much worse. Right now, they could be at a hospital, or worse, consoling Kate as she sat in a morgue. No, the outcome was good. She was unharmed. But the realisation that it wasn't just on the water they were vulnerable had hit them hard.

"Crazy day." ET murmured, warming his hands on the ceramic mug.

"Yeah. I thought for a moment…" Nikki trailed off, not bothering to finish what she knew everyone else was thinking. _What if_'s had plagued them all the entire afternoon, but they all knew they would haunt Kate for a lot longer.

The screen door opened, interrupting their quiet reflection, and all three turned around to see Ben standing there, a cup of coffee in his hand too as he leaned against the wall.

"Kate's just putting Zoe to bed then I think she'll have a shower and warm up. I've got a cabin here too if either of you want to get changed. I have some clothes you can borrow."

"No, I'm fine thanks mate." ET replied, and RO nodded in agreement.

"How's Zoe?" Nikki asked, draining her coffee. A small smile crossed Ben's face at her question as he ducked his head.

"She has no idea of all the drama she caused. She just wanted to play on the pirate ship and doesn't get why Kate was so worried. I just heard her asking Kate if they could go to the beach tomorrow." He tugged the towel tighter around his shoulders as his smile faded. "Kate is pretty shaken up. I think she thought the witness protection guys were wrong. That they'd taken Zoe."

"Geez, I never even thought of that." ET muttered, taking another sip of his coffee. There was a sober silence for a few moments before Ben seemed to gather his thoughts.

"Anyway, thank you all for your help. I… I really can't thank you enough. Sorry, I know you're Nikki but you two-"

"That's RO. Or Robert. And I'm ET." ET answered him.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Is that your real name?"

"Only my Nanna calls me Josh."

"At least your Nanna gets your name right. Mine always mixes me up with my brother." He drained his coffee, placing the mug on the balcony. "I'm heading back to get changed. I'll be back in a bit."

"Okay. Thanks Ben." Nikki nodded as Ben left, walking down the pebbled path.

"Seems like a decent bloke." ET concluded, watching him disappear from view.

"Yeah, he is." Nikki smiled back.

"And?" ET pressed.

"And what?"

ET rolled his eyes at Nikki before leaning closer to her. "Are they together?"

"No, we're not ET." Kate muttered behind him, sliding open the door and sitting down with her back against one of the veranda pylons. She was dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a grey hoodie, and her blonde hair was wet and unbrushed, hanging down her back. Her eyes were blank and emotionless, and RO was sure that if she closed them she would fall straight asleep.

"Zoe in bed?" Nikki tactfully changed the subject, watching her friend closely.

"Out like a light." Kate leaned her head against one of the support beams for the step railings and fell silent for a while.

"Are you okay?" Nikki asked, moving to sit next to her.

Kate let out a hollow laugh, holding out a quivering palm. "My hands are still shaking."

"Hey," Nikki smiled, wrapping an arm around Kate's shoulders. "She has a knack of finding trouble... not much unlike her mother."

RO watched the two women drawing comfort from the other, and marvelled at how it seemed no time had passed at all. If only it was like that for them all.

* * *

**{Josh}**

They'd just gotten to his car at the beach car park when he realised he'd left his keys on the table outside Kate's place. After the afternoon they had all had, he figured he had the right to be a little distracted, but it didn't change anything.

"What's wrong?" Nikki asked as he stopped a few metres from his car.

"I left the keys on Kate's table." He groaned, looking to the lights of the holiday park.

"I'll get them-" She began, turning around and heading back in the direction they'd come from.

"No, Nikk, I'll go. It's just a ten minute walk or so."

"So I'll walk it with you." Nikki quipped back smartly, taking his hand as they headed back towards the cabins.

They walked in a comfortable silence the entire way, both reflecting on the day. He didn't know what he would have done if it had been his child missing. He doubted he would have been able to hold it together at all.

Kate had frequently left their conversations during the night to check on her daughter. Robert had left just after nine but Nikki, Ben and himself had conversed for hours. He was quite a difficult man to hate, but then again he doubted a certain Lieutenant Commander would have any trouble.

* * *

They reached the boom gates of the park just before eleven. They had all said goodbye at around ten-thirty and gone their separate ways. He figured Kate would be asleep now, probably cuddled up next to her daughter, so they walked the rest of the way in complete silence, treading lightly on the ground.

They found the path to Kate's cabin easily enough in the dark, despite having only been there once. Nikki took a seat on a bench chair just outside while ET walked up the path to the cabin obscured by flowering bushes. He'd just reached the end of the path when he heard Ben's voice.

"So you're still leaving?" The question caught him off guard. He knew there was only one person he could be talking to.

"Yes. If anything, today proved that." Kate's voice was quiet, nothing more than a flat murmur.

"Proved what? That you've got a great support network? That your friends will stick by you?" Through the flowering trees, he could see Ben and Kate standing next to each other on the veranda. It was too dark to make out facial expressions, but he could see how close together they were.

"Do you not want me to come back?" Kate demanded, turning to face him.

"Are you kidding me? I think I made it clear how I feel about you. Of course I want you to come back. But I want it to be on your terms, because you feel it is the best choice for you and Zoe. Not because you're scared."

"This _is _the best choice for Zoe. She grew up in Perth. All her friends are there-"

"And Zoe is a social butterfly. She'll _make _new friends. Hell, I moved to Oz when I was five. You moved to Oz when you were nine."

"And that turned out great for me!" Kate growled sarcastically.

"Don't be a smartarse. You know what I mean. Stop hiding all the time. Tell me the real reason you want to go back."

"I'm telling you-"

"No, you're not! You should be telling me that the real reason you don't want to go back is because you're having nightmares again. They started when you got back to Cairns and you think that heading back to Perth is going to change that!"

"How did you find that out?"

"Exactly my point! I should be finding this out from _you_, Kate. Not your three year old daughter."

"She told you?" Kate's voice was merely a whisper, and yet he could detect a whole cocktail of emotions in her words. Shame. Fear. Regret. Anger. Desperation. And then she pushed off from the balcony post, heading to the side opposite her companion. "I don't _want _to talk about it. I just want to sleep for one night without seeing people dying in front of my eyes. I just want to be normal, Ben. Not... damaged goods."

Ben was at her side in an instant, wrapping her into a hug as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"You're not, I promise. I promise." He felt like he was intruding, watching her cling to him like a life ring. And yet he couldn't turn away.

"I need to be back home with Zoe. I need to be away from here." She choked out as Ben soothed her, holding her close.

"Are you going to talk to Mike?" Ben asked after a long pause.

"No. We talked. It didn't end well."

"He has a right to know." Ben pressed, and any thoughts ET had about interupting their conversation vanished. _A right to know what?_

"He's happy. He's got a life. He doesn't want a daughter, and he's not getting one. Zoe is mine. Not his." His jaw dropped. Zoe was Mike's kid. _Zoe _was _Mike's _kid!

"Kate, if it was me in his shoes I'd want to know." Kate didn't answer Ben, and even from his hiding spot he could tell that Ben had overstepped. "Look, you've got the flight booked for the 22nd. Just… leave it 'til then, okay. Just stay and make sure. Six days. That's all." Once again she didn't answer at once. He hadn't thought she was that unhappy here. Maybe it was naïve, but he had thought she'd stay in the end. But now she was being forced into staying? "You know I'm only doing this because I want you to be happy. I really care about you and I want what's best for you and Zoe. That's the most important thing to me."

And then they were kissing so fast it was impossible to tell who kissed who. All ET knew was that all of a sudden, their being 'just friends' was looking like a load of crap. Either that or it was going to get complicated.

Kate's hands traveled up and down Ben's back as she moved closer to him, drinking him in. Ben began to slowly draw patterns on her back, pushing her jumper up, and ET backed away fast. He turned to leave, really preferring not to see what was about to happen. Stuff the keys. They could walk.

"ET, what's taking you so long?" All three of them froze as Nikki's voice rang out through the silence. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kate and Ben whip apart like teenagers sprung by their parents.

"ET!" Kate's voice called out across the path. She had seen him. And she knew he had seen her. He turned around to her slowly, ignoring Nikki's questioning look. The blonde struggled to regain her composure, standing on the edge of the steps and blushing a furious shade of red visible even in the halflight.

"I wasn't spying." He tried to assure her. "I forgot my keys." He chanced a glance up at where Ben was standing, hidden in shadow. Neither one of them moved, Kate frozen in shock and guilt, one hand rubbing her tired eyes as if she could erase what had just happened. Realising that he should just leave, he grabbed his keys off the table in two strides and headed back down the path.

"Have a nice evening." He spoke lamely, before grabbing Nikki's hand and dragging her protesting frame back down the path as fast as he could.

* * *

**{Rebecca}**

As she lay down later that night staring at her ceiling fan, she saw her ex-XO in a completely different light. The last time they had spoke, she had been talking to Kate, the woman. Kate, the one who had betrayed them all and left them broken and traumatised.

Today, she had been Kate, the mother. The terrified woman who had come so close to losing her daughter.

Her mind flew back almost five years ago. The day when Kate had been forced to shoot an insurgent. In the Navy, days blur together. FFVs come and go. Refugees are sent back to the very places they are fleeing. But she could still remember the look of sheer terror on Kate's face as she spluttered to breathe. As she watched the man semi-submerged in the murky water slowly bleed out.

She had worn that same face today. Terror. Dread. Guilt.

If today had been worth anything, then it would have been the look of relief on her face as she held her daughter close again.

Because in that moment Rebecca wanted her Hammersley family back together more than anything, whatever the cost.

* * *

**{Billy}**

"Look, we need to help fix this, Spi." Bomber sighed exasperatedly.

"It's none of our business, Bomb." Spider replied, watching the TV screen in the corner of the bar. She followed his gaze, rolling her eyes.

"The football is more important to you than keeping the X in Cairns?" She demanded. He turned to her, shrugging his shoulders.

"She's not our XO anymore."

"Exactly, so it'll be hard enough to see her on shore leave, let alone with her staying in Perth."

"So you want to remove her from all her support networks and her home just so she can go see movies with you and Nav once every three months?" He turned back to the TV, thinking he had stumped her into silence. But she wasn't giving up that easily.

"What I _want _is to keep us all together."

"Bomber, listen. If she wants to go back to Perth you can still see her. She's not going to just disappear again."

"Nav's thinking of a shore posting. Off the record. So Nav can help and then if her and the CO get together then-"

"Bomber, listen to yourself. You're practically planning out her whole life. If she wants to go back to Perth then-"

"But she _doesn't, _Spi. She's just going because she doesn't think we want her here."

"She has a job, a house, friends, all in Perth."

"So you want her to leave?"

"No! I want her to be happy. Why are you taking this so personally?"

"Because she is my _friend._ My _family _and I don't want her to leave-"

"The friend you weren't even talking to a week ago? I know you don't want her to leave. And neither do I. But-"

"I wouldn't count on her getting together with the CO." Both Bomber and Spider turned to see ET standing there, a sad smile on his face.

"Why not? They are totally mad about each other!"

ET frowned, slowly shaking his head. "I'm not too sure about that."


	7. Home

**AN: **So it's been a while. Sorry. Life has most definitely gotten away from me lately. I got a job, which is great. A traineeship, so I'm working full time and studying too. So when I get home I'm either sleeping or studying. But I'm having the best time. Downside is that I haven't had much chance to proofread the stuff I've written. Good news is I have now finished writing the actual story; all I have to do is edit it which is annoying.

A side-note, a lot of this chapter I'm not entirely happy with, plot-wise. But it's all tied together in the end so hopefully it all works out. I wanted to address some issues of the other crew members before I did the next few chapters. Also, this will be the last chapter I'm dividing into points of view. I felt like I was creating unnecessary filler to fill in certain bits, and I didn't want to have to do that in future chapters. Downside is that the chapters won't be as long, but hopefully I'll be able to get it done quicker. So… yay?!

Hopefully you all enjoy it. It's the Mike/Kate conversation you've all been waiting for, apparently. Hopefully you appreciate it in the end. Thanks for all your reviews, pokes, prods, messages, likes and faves throughout all the places I post this story. Hopefully it was worth the wait. Thanks

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

**{Billy}**

There was a storm on the horizon. The sun had retreated behind dark, heavy clouds as the temperature dropped rapidly. Even on the huge patrol boat, even the most seasoned of sailors stumbled and grabbed at anything bolted down as the boat rocked over the choppy sea.

Down below in the boarding party room, everyone prepared for the upcoming evolution in nervous silence. It was inexplicable, but somehow they just knew. Electricity was in the air and it was only a matter of time before it struck. Charge called it the Telling Tingle, that feeling they got when something bad was going to happen. Swain called it superstition, but whatever it was, they all respected and feared it. Because this was exactly how they had all felt before Kate had been shot.

Spider fiddled with the straps of his Kevlar, more out of restlessness than an actual need. They had been adjusted to the perfect length several minutes ago, but nervous energy was building in the room with each passing second.

Footsteps echoed loudly in the broken silence as Mike rounded the corner, looking around the room apprehensively.

"Sharpe, Spider, Bomber, Dutchy, Swain, in _Thunder_. Let's get this FFV and get out of here before the storm hits." As if on cue, a distant rumble of thunder reached their ears. They all glanced to the small hatch window as the CO continued.

"I know it's been a long patrol, but we all need to stay focused." Mike ran a tired hand over his eyes as he watched them all get ready, the dark shadows over his eyes telling them all that he had experienced another sleepless night. He had become even more focused on work in this last patrol, and it had yielded the results. But focus seemed to come at the price of sleep for their captain, and they knew that they had to keep a close eye on their boss in the days to come.

Even so, it seemed to be working for him at the moment. The amount of time he had spent researching the candidates for the best Bosun had paid off, and Dutchy had fitted seamlessly into the crew with no avoidable mistakes made.

But even with their great track record, this FFV was making their stomachs flip and everyone was on edge, no matter how prepared they were. In the Navy, you had to trust your instincts. Sometimes instincts were all you had to rely on.

"Just…" Mike frowned, turning the words over in his head. "Just be careful."

* * *

The RHIB bounced over the waves, jostling its passengers as it smacked the surface of the water as it sent wave after wave of frigid salt spray over the already freezing crew.

The FFV was an old fashioned boat, the wooden deck close to rotting away from its exposure to the elements. They'd seen the same thing lots of times before; old wooden boats thrown together haphazardly from poor materials. At the end of the day, safety was second to survival. Food and money were needed to stay alive. Comfort, safety and security were luxuries.

"_No one visible on deck. Approach with caution."_ The CO's voice was barely audible over the crashing of the waves, yet the warning behind his words was as clear as day. Even now that they knew Kate was okay, every operation was the same. Be careful. Don't take any unnecessary risks._ Don't die._

"Roger Boss, boarding now." Dutchy's voice was crisp and confident. It was his first patrol on the Hammersley, and he was barely breaking a sweat. They reached the boat, Dutchy easily leaping over the railing with Sharpe close behind. Spider and Bomber followed, heading to secure below decks.

"Everyone, be careful where you step. You might go through the deck." Sharpe called out across the deck. He had kept his head down a lot more these past few weeks for some reason, remaining professional and respectful. While no one knew the reason behind the change (although 'alien personality switch' and 'he's plotting something' were popular theories) they all appreciated it.

"Spider, Bomber, search below decks." Dutchy commanded, surveying the boat. They had just reached the manhole when Dutchy spoke again. "And be careful."

* * *

"Boss, I don't know how or why, but I'm telling you: the place is deserted. There's no one here." Dutchy assured Mike through the radio. The storm was closer now, and the grumble of thunder was getting louder and louder. All were anxious to get off the crumbling boat as soon as possible.

"_Are you sure Dutchy? Did you check below decks for any signs the place has been lived in recently?"_

"Yes, Sir. The stove's cold, the water's stale and the fish on the deck must be a few days old."

There was a pause, and Spider could almost see his boss rubbing a hand over his tired eyes before continuing to talk. _"Alright. Is it sea-worthy for tow?" _

"It's only just floating, Sir. I doubt it would survive the storm." Sharpe answered on his radio. It was an understatement. If the waves got any larger the boat would be nothing but flotsam.

"_Okay, well let's get our crew off the ship and_-" Mike's next few words were drowned out by a loud crashing sound. Dutchy fumbled with the radio in shock as he whirled around.

"What the hell was that?!" He demanded, unholstering his weapon and motioning for Spider to do the same. Together with Sharpe they moved up to the front of the ship, closely followed by the remainder of the boarding crew.

Bewildered, they moved to the front of the ship where the sound had come from, weapons drawn.

"Quick! Help!" Bomber yelled as she pushed forward, rushing towards the very front of the ship, where the wood deck had given way in a splintered circle.

"Swain?" Spider yelped, noticing that he had not been with them when they all rushed to investigate. He ran forwards to, reaching him first and trying to climb down to him. There was the sound of splintering wood as Bomber pulled him back just in time.

"Don't! Be careful. The whole floor could give way." She slid down onto her stomach and edged herself over to the gap so she could see inside.

* * *

**{Rebecca}**

There was no telling how much blood he'd lost. In the half light of the filthy window in the front of the hull, the little she could see was enough to terrify her. Large splinters of wood stuck through his left leg, blood oozing through at least twenty different cuts as he fought to stay conscious.

"Swain? Can you hear me?" She screamed, her head and arms dangling awkwardly through the manhole. The only response she got was a faint groan.

_Blood. Pain. Death_.

Fighting the urge to regurgitate her breakfast, she pulled herself up and turned to Dutchy.

"Call the Hammersley. Now! Tell them we need a… a winch or something. And a saw. And bandages. Lots. And Bird."

Dutchy leaned closer to her, speaking softly. "Bomber, Bird can't handle this on her own. You'll have to-"

"Don't argue, Dutchy. Just get her here now!" She turned back to the manhole where Swain lay, listening to Dutchy call the Hammersley.

"Charlie 82, we are in need of urgent medical assistance. Swain fell through some rotting floorboards. The floors all splintering; we can't get down there. He's losing blood really fast, and every time the boat rocks it puts more pressure on it. I need urgent assistance."

* * *

They were all out of there depth. Swain was the medic. He should be the one doing the saving, not the one being saved. Hell, she knew even Swain would have trouble treating these sorts of injuries. Bird was out of her depth. Out of her depth and out of time.

"How is he?" Mike demanded the moment they had gotten him off the RHIB.

"Uh… not so good, Boss. He's lost a lot of blood." Bird muttered distractedly, wiping her bloodstained hands on her pants. "We need to get him into the wardroom now."

"Anything we can do, Bird?" Mike asked as the young sailor ran behind the stretcher.

"Get a medivac and start praying." She yelled over her shoulder before disappearing from view.

"Bomber, go help her please." Mike commanded. Immediately images flashed before her eyes. Images of pain and death. Suffering. Kate.

"N… no Sir. I can't." She shook her head profusely, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end.

"It's not up for discussion, Bomber. Bird needs the help and you're the most medically capable-"

"Capable?" She gave a strangled laugh. "No. I can't."

"Leading Seaman Brown! Chris Blake is going to die if you-" But Bomber had already run away, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps.

On the deck, Dutchy cut off his boss' words with the shake of a head. "Boss, let me talk to her."

* * *

She had always feared this, that someday she would be put on the hotplate again. Forced to save someone, destined to lose them. And now that the moment was here, all she could do was hide. Her hands shook as she balled them into fists. She was barely able to breathe. It wasn't fair. She couldn't do this.

She'd written her letter of resignation at least a hundred times since Kate died. Had typed those same, empty words that meant nothing. Because a woman was dead. But she'd never had the guts to send it. She was too cowardly to willingly give away the one thing getting her through. Not that she deserved to get through.

And now she was sitting here, tucked away behind the serving buffet in the galley, staring into space. If she had been thinking straight, she would have found a better hiding spot. But the galley was her refuge, her safe place, and it comforted her. So she sat in silence, trying to concentrate hard on anything and everything aside from medical emergencies and death.

Dutchy was the one to find her. It could have been mere seconds or hours she spent huddled up, but she neither knew nor cared. All she wanted was to be left alone for ever and ever.

"Bird could really use some help, Bomber." He whispered, taking a seat next to her and staring straight ahead.

"I can't." She croaked, tucking her head in her hands. In that moment, she wished she'd never joined the Navy. She wished she'd never become a medic and that she'd never met Kate McGregor.

"Because you thought you killed her?" He pressed. For an instant she thought she'd spoken aloud, and her eyes darted up in fear.

Immediately, Kate's face flashed before her eyes. _Blood. Pain. Death_. She was in the galley but she was also in that hull, begging. _"Stay awake! Stay alive, dammit. If there is one thing you are, it's stubborn. Now stay awake!" _

"Bomber?"

"I keep seeing her. Dead. Dying. Bleeding. Crying. It's awful. I just can't do that again. I can't… lose another life." She had no clue as to why she was telling him all this. Maybe because she didn't know him, she had less to lose. Or maybe she was just desperate.

"And that's okay. But the thing is, Swain doesn't care about any of that. All he's thinking of is going home to his wife and kid."

"And through me isn't the way to get him there."

"Yes it is. You and Bird. Hell, I think it's the only way he's going to survive." He paused for a moment, examining the creases on his hands. "I know all about losing someone. You always rack your brain for months, years, _decades, _trying to figure out what you could have done differently. In the Gulf, I saved six sailors. But for months I was so hung up on the life that I couldn't save. And it took me so long to figure out but I _know, _that my boarding officer's death wasn't my fault. And Kate's isn't yours. Bomber, you saved her. You saved her and you saved her little girl. They are alive solely because of you. And you can't ever _ever _forget that."

Something wet splashed her wrist, and as she lifted a hand to her face she found she was crying. That was all it took as the dam broke and all at once she felt the weight of the last four years weighing her down.

"You know, you're a damn fine medic." Dutchy spoke softly.

"How would you know? You've been on the boat five minutes."

"I know that Kate had a bullet in her chest and you saved her life. Not only that, you saved her baby. You were afraid, and you saved her."

She looked at the doorway to the corridor where she knew Swain would be fighting for his life.

"I'm going to have to help, aren't I?"

"Not if you don't want to. It is entirely your choice. But you _can _do this."

He stood up again, offering a hand to her. For a moment all she could do was stare at it, her own hands clenched into fists to stop them shaking. Then, with one last glance at the corridor outside, she took his offered hand.

* * *

**{Josh} **

His lunch break was never long enough. By the time he had made it to the sandwich bar up the street, ten minutes had passed. Ten precious minutes of paperwork free freedom. At least by now the owner of the sandwich bar knew what he wanted and made them in advance for him. But today, he had spent too much time abusing the free Wi-Fi at the sandwich bar and had to rush back.

It was a ten minute walk, and he had precisely seven minutes and twelve seconds until he was late. Cursing softly, he graduated from a brisk walk into a slow jog, weaving his way between tourists and businessmen. If he was late he shuddered to think what Knocker would say.

"ET?" He turned around to see Kate standing behind him. Almost immediately his mood darkened as she took three steps towards him, fear all over her face.

"I'm sorry. I'm not really in a position to have a conversation with you at the moment." He began coolly, gesturing to the NAVCOM building at the end of the pathway. It was true at least, but he knew that if she had have turned up at NAVCOM itself, he would have walked out to get away from her. He turned away from her and took a few steps towards it, determined not to be sucked in by her lies.

"Please. Just listen to me." She begged, catching his arm with her own hand to stop him from leaving. "What you heard about Mike is-"

"-is none of my business." He replied, wrenching his hand from her grip.

"No, it is your business, because now you're burdened with carrying around my secret and that's not fair to you." She sighed, her hair cascading over her shoulder. "I never thought I'd have to tell him about Zoe until a month ago. Please just give me some time to figure out how."

"He deserves the truth, you know. He's a good guy."

"I know. And he's your friend too. I know I've put you in an awkward position-"

"Awkward position?" He repeated so loudly that several people around them turned their heads in curiosity. He lowered his voice to a hiss, glaring at her. "No. An awkward position is not telling him he has spinach in his teeth. I'm not telling him he has a three-year-old daughter!"

"What would telling him achieve? I'm still going back to Perth."

"He might stop killing himself slowly with alcohol every night." Her breath hitched, and for the briefest second he felt remorse at his words. But he knew now was no time to be gentle.

"I'm sorry. Please, I just need a while to think."

"I've kept your secret. But it doesn't mean I agree with what you did. You tell him the truth before you leave town or I will." It felt so strange, having the power. She was the boss. She gave the orders. Now he was essentially blackmailing her. She bit her lip anxiously before nodding.

"Okay." She nodded again distractedly. "I need to go. I have to get Zoe from the kids club at the holiday park."

"She's not with Ben?" He spat out before he could help himself. "I thought you two were playing house."

"He's back in Perth." She answered back. "Look, I can't undo what I did. All I can do is try to fix it. I don't want to hurt Mike any more than I already have."

"Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Mike. Do you love him?"

She bit her lip, frowning. "Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that you can be together." She spun around, disappearing through the crowds of people.

He went to protest again, but was cut off by his phone beeping. Frowning, he looked down at the message.

_Swain's been injured really badly. Medivac took him to hospital. We're still half an hour out. If you can get off work Sal could probably use some support._

_Nikki_

"Kate, stop!" He yelled to her retreating back. She froze but didn't turn immediately, her blonde hair blowing in the breeze against her coat. "Kate!" He caught up to her, showing her the message.

"Swain's been injured."

* * *

**{Robert}**

"…_my husband! I need to know what's going on!" _

"_Sal, just come sit down. They'll tell us when-"_

"_Ma'am, I need you to calm down…"_

"_Sally, he'll be okay."_

Sentences bounced against his brain, reminding him time and time again why he hated hospitals. He could handle the pain. The stress and the anguish and the panic was all too foreign for him to ease and yet all too painful for him. He had sat on these cold hard plastic chairs years before, had felt the terror and the anger and the agony. But he had no idea how to help ease the pain for the others.

So he sat, straight backed and silent. He ignored the way that the rest of the crew would sit up hopefully each time the doctors and nurses strode by, only to slump hopelessly back as they continued down the hall. He ignored the anxious pacing of Sally, and the cries of Chloe. Ignored it all, blocking it all out until he was left with nothing.

Until he could no longer stand it.

No one noticed him leave. But then again no one usually did.

* * *

He found her in the cafeteria, a shaking hand clutching a paper cup tightly. He didn't approach her immediately. He felt he owed her that. After all, she had been here for hours before they had sailed in. It seemed no one had noticed her leave either, and that was something Robert could relate to.

So instead of approaching her, he busied himself making his own cup of coffee despite the fact that there was little he loathed more than hospital coffee. It was bitter and felt like he was swallowing battery acid, but more than that it reminded him of all the bad times. Concussions, broken bones and loss. Death. Hospital coffee was death.

As he reached his rather bizarre conclusion, she looked up from her table long enough for him to see her shaking hands. Swallowing his fear and resigning himself to the fact that he could procrastinate no longer, he edged himself into the seat opposite her.

"Hello?" He began tentatively. Emotions were not his forte.

''Hi.'' Kate whispered back, and even in the dodgy florescent light he could see her eyes were red-rimmed and blotchy.

_Tears, _he thought, as he flicked his eyes around the room, searching for Charge or Nav or Bird. Someone better at emotions than he was. Realising he was on his own, he turned his attention back to Kate, struggling with the words. "Are you… are you okay?"

She let out a derisive snort. "What do you think?" He flinched, and immediately regret washed over her. "Sorry. I'm just... not good with hospitals."

"Hospitals scare me too." RO replied earnestly, and gained a small smile in reply.

"I didn't miss this. The... waiting to see if your friends are still alive." She gave a half shrug, looking up at him. "I suppose I missed out on quite a few."

RO nodded solemnly. "ET, after his air supply was cut on a dive. He ended up with the Benz and... it was a tough time for us all. Then there was the time Spider got coral poisoning. We've had a lot of near misses."

"I'm terrified. I really am. I thought that I was done feeling like this. I thought I'd finally escaped the constant fear."

"That's nothing to feel ashamed about. The fear. It keeps you grounded."

"But it seems like lately that's all I am. A coward."

"That doesn't seem true. You came here to Cairns even though it scared you. You faced us all and tried to explain even when we didn't want to hear it. You don't give up until you know everyone's okay. It's one of the things we all admire you for." He gestured towards the corridor. "It's okay to be afraid. That's why you have the Hammersley family to support you. Now I would advise towards leaving that coffee here. It is vile."

She laughed, climbing to her feet and walking with him down the corridor back to the waiting room.

"You've come a long way too, you know that?" She told him. "Years ago you would have told me that I was being irrational and left it at that."

He shrugged, unable to hide his smile. "What can I say? I'm evolving." He leaned forward, lowering his voice. "2Dads is even listed as my cousin on Facebook."

* * *

**{Chris}**

_Sally was beaming as he threw his arms around her, holding her tight. Her smile always was infectious, even when things seemed so bleak. _

"_Why are you so happy?" He asked her later that night, after they had finished eating dinner. She had been cheerier than usual all afternoon, even going so far as to sing happily while she was cooking. She grinned again, turning to Chloe. _

"_You want to tell him, Princess?" She asked as Chloe's face lit up like it was Christmas. _

"_Really? Now?" She asked. Sally nodded and Chloe turned to face her perplexed father. "I'm going to be a big sister." _

_It took a while for it to sink in. A big sister. A baby. It wasn't like they had been planning one. He was at sea all the time and she was at home with Chloe. They'd thought about it, but nothing concrete. _

"_You're… pregnant?" _

"_That's generally how it happens. I'm just over eight weeks."_

"_We're going to have a baby?" _

"_Which part are you having trouble with here, Chris?" _

"_We're going to have another baby!" He jumped up, sweeping Sally into a hug. "We're going to have another baby!"_

* * *

"_Just promise me you'll be there for the birth." Sally sighed, clutching his hand tightly. They were at the docks, crash sailed. She was eight-and-a-half months pregnant, and so far things had been running smoothly. _

"_Sal, I can try but-"_

"_Trying's not good enough, Chris. I need you there." _

"_Swaino!" Charge shouted from the gangway. "We've got to go!"_

_Swain turned back to his wife, one hand on her stomach. _

"_I'll be there to catch him." He promised. _

"_It could be another girl, you know." _

"_This one's a boy, Sal. And I'll be back in time. I promise."_

* * *

**{Andy}**

They all sat in silence, as if breaking it would be Swain's end. Bird was the only one crying. Strange, since she was a relatively new crew member, but she was also the youngest and Swain had been the one to help her decide her future.

Bomber was sitting next to her, silently picking at her fingernails. She and Bird had kept Swain alive up until here, and now they could do no more.

Her hands began to shake more and more with each passing minute, the adrenaline from earlier wearing off. Biting her lip, she balled her hands into fists, determined not to break down.

Spider was sitting a few seats away, shredding a tissue into confetti.

Sally sat next to Charge, rubbing circles on her swollen stomach.

RO, being RO, was sitting by himself, writing something they couldn't see.

Kate was sitting on the floor, her head resting on a seat and eyes closed, even though she was wide awake. Zoe sat curled up on her lap, murmuring senselessly to her stuffed rabbit.

Each time a doctor walked up the corridor they all stood, hoping for some scrap of information, only to slide hopelessly back into their seats as they strode by.

Minutes stretched hopelessly into an eternity as the sky outside the windows darkened.

Zoe moved from her spot on Kate's lap to join Chloe, the two girls silently making a million and one different 'get well' cards. Charge watched them, half considering joining in on their craft just to have something semi-productive to do.

"I can't stand this." Sally rose from her seat, frantically pacing. "Why won't they tell us anything?"

"Sal, no news is good news." Charge offered.

"Not when the love of your life is dying!" She placed a hand on her stomach, rubbing it unconsciously.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. The only reason Swain should be in this hospital was to catch his newborn baby.

No one said anything. No one knew what to say.

"I'm going to get a drink." Sally murmured, heading up the hall before anyone registered she'd left.

* * *

**{Pete}**

"Still no news?" Nikki asked as she sipped yet another plastic cup of coffee, pulling a face at the pitiful version of a caffeine hit the hospital sold. Buffer shook his head, staring out the window at the lights of the town.

"Family of Chris Blake?" The doctor entered the room and immediately they all fell silent, hearts pounding.

"Yes." Sally confirmed from the corner when no one answered. She rose from her seat, taking charge of the situation. "I'm his wife. These are all his… family."

The doctor gave a small smile as he glanced around the room, but didn't bring up the obvious lie. "Very good. I'm Doctor Curtis Beddingfield. Petty Officer Blake's out of surgery. There was some mild muscle damage that needed to be fixed before we could deal with the rest of his leg. His left leg has a clean break but that should heal relatively well over the next month or so. We've cleaned and redressed all his wounds, so he'll be feeling very sore when the morphine wears off, but all looks well at the moment."

He scanned the room, a small smile on his face. "Whoever patched him up probably saved his life. At the very least, you saved his leg. You should be proud." A tinny beeping interrupted as Doctor Beddingfield consulted his pager. "I'm sorry, I have to go see another patient. Petty Officer Blake is still under sedation at the moment, but I'll have a nurse let you know when he's awake. It could be some hours though."

"We'll stay." Pete interjected, his tone leaving no room for argument.

"All for one and one for all." 2Dads agreed, and for the first time in hours it seemed they all smiled.

* * *

**{Nikki}**

Nikki pushed open the door to the bathroom, still half asleep. Somehow in her uneasy slumber her hair had managed to twist itself into a miniature bird's nest on the top of her head, and dark shadows underlined her eyes.

_Not winning any beauty contests then, Nikk. _She tried in vain to smooth down her hair, frowning at her reflection.

This day had gone way too long for her liking, each minute feeling like it had taken hours. She was exhausted, physically, emotionally and mentally, and it showed.

"I'm such a wreck." She murmured, just as the bathroom door squeaked open, banging off the wall.

"Geez, you scared me." Nikki gasped, hand over her pounding heart as she caught sight of the familiar blonde hair and green eyes of Kate. ''Do they teach stealth-101 in Perth?'' The smile on her face faded quickly when she saw that it wasn't echoed on Kate's.

"What's wrong? Kate?"

''What's wrong? You know perfectly well what's wrong!" Kate hissed, wrenching the door open again. ''I'll use a different bathroom.''

''Kate, I have no idea what's going on.'' Nikki assured Kate, blocking off the exit with her arm.

''As if he didn't tell you! Please just leave me alone, Nikki.''

''Kate. I honestly have no idea what's going on. I just want to help you-''

"You don't get it! I don't need your help! This is not some story that needs your help to be written! It's _my _life. It's _Zoe's _life. Don't you think I've thought about telling Mike? But I decided it would be better for everyone to just leave it."

"Better or easier?"

"Not everything has a fairy-tale ending! In seventy-two hours' time I am going to be back in Perth." She ducked under Nikki's arm. "And that's not going to change, regardless of what happens with Mike and Zoe and your blackmailing booty call of a boyfriend!"

And before the stunned Nikki could say another word, the door was swinging shut again.

_''_What the hell was that all about?'' She said to no one in particular.

* * *

When she returned from the bathroom ten minutes later, hair slightly more satisfactory but brain in a muddle, she saw that her and Kate were not the only two up.

"Sally, I think you need a nurse." Kate told her gently. The pacing Sally looked up from her dazed walking and shook her head grimly.

"I'm fine. Just a bit of a sore back, that's all."

"How long have you had this sore back for?" Kate pressed, ignoring Nikki's squeak as she realised what her companion was thinking.

"Um... On and off since I got here I suppose. Probably from sitting in those seats all the time."

"Could it be a contraction?" Kate pressed. Sally shook her head, offering a small smile for a few seconds.

"Kate, I've had a kid. I know what it feels like to be in labour." Kate nodded grimly.

"I thought I'd definitely figure it out too with Zoe, but then my water broke all of a sudden on the beach at three am. I'd been walking to stop the pain."

"Kate, I really don't think-" She winced as her gut twinged painfully. Kate raised an eyebrow as Sally waved her away with a hand.

"That's not a sore back. I think you're in labour, Sal."

"No! I am not going into labour without Chris. I'm not even due for another three weeks."

"Well then they're early. You're in labour." Kate pressed.

"I think I'd know if-" Sally cut off mid-sentence, clutching her stomach. She looked up at Kate, eyes wide.

''See, now either you just peed your pants or-''

"Kate, I think my water just broke."

* * *

Nail scissors. She had forgotten the nail scissors again. The last time she had been a human stress ball for a woman in labour, Briony's sharp fingernails had left scars for weeks. Now Sally's fingernails cut deeper into the skin of her hand with each contraction as Kate whispered encouraging words.

"I'd forgotten... how much... this hurt!" She panted, squeezing her eyes shut and gritting her teeth.

"It'll all be over soon, Sally. Just focus on your breathing." Kate soothed as Sally's fingernails drew blood.

"I need... Chris... here. He... promised he'd... be here."

"I'm sorry, Sally. But you can do this, I promise!" Nikki assured her.

"No! I need Chris!"

"Sal-" Kate began.

"No! If you can come back from the dead and be here, then Chris can be here too!"

"Sally, your labour is progressing faster than anticipated. You're going to have this baby now." The nurse declared.

Frowning, Nikki turned to the nurse. "Her husband's just waking up from surgery. Is there any chance-"

"I'm sorry, but we need to get this baby out."

Nikki sighed, grabbing her phone and starting a text message.

_If there is any way you can think of to get Swain here, now is definitely the time. _

"Sally, on the next contraction we're going to push." The obstetrician soothed.

"We're?" Sally moaned. "By all means Doc, if you want to take over for me go right ahead."

"You're doing very well, Sally." She assured her.

Sally shook her head like a child, her hair flying around her face. "You have to get Chris. Please."

"We're trying." Nikki began earnestly. "But-"

At that moment the door opened to reveal a sight so hysterical Nikki couldn't help bursting into laughter. 2Dads was backing his way into the room, wheeling a wheelchair with Chris' feet on it. Chris was sitting on another wheelchair wheeled by ET, the two forming a makeshift bed.

"2Dads, open your eyes! He's just gotten out of surgery and doesn't need you knocking into things." ET laughed.

"I'm really in no hurry to see... you know." 2Dads replied, the boys wheeling the makeshift bed next to Sally's. "No offence, Sal. You're hot, but Swain would kill me." He added. But Sally neither knew nor cared as she grabbed at her husband's hand.

"You're here." She whispered, grinning wider than ever.

"There's no chance I was missing this. I promised I'd be here." He whispered, brushing the hair out of her eyes. Sally laughed, tears streaming down her face.

"I know."

* * *

Nikki backed out of the room again, and had to stifle a laugh as all the sailors in the waiting room stood up anxiously.

"Chloe?" She turned to the girl sitting with Charge, colouring in furiously. "Your Mummy and Daddy need help naming the baby."

Chloe sat up. "I can go in?"

"Yep." Before Nikki had even finished the word Chloe had bolted for the door and slipped inside.

"So? Boy or girl?" Charge pressed.

"Another Daddy's girl." Nikki smiled as the waiting room erupted into cheers.

She turned to look for Kate, but she was already halfway down the hall with her daughter.

* * *

**{Mike}**

"Oopsie!" Zoe squeaked as she bumped into him. "Sorry!"

"It's okay, kid." He stammered. He'd only seen her briefly before, but now that he looked at her, it was as if he was looking at a miniature Kate. Her hair was wavier than Kate's and her eyes were brown instead of green, but the same steely, stubborn look was in Zoe's eyes as well.

And once again, he was at the receiving end of the 'XO look'. "I know you! Why did you get angry at my Mum before? She didn't do anything bad!"

"Uh..."

"Zoe? We need to go home, Starfish." She avoided Mike's eyesight completely, although Zoe was the complete opposite, and still watched him through narrowed eyes as her mother dragged her away.

A loud cheering from behind him signalled the arrival of Hammersley's latest recruit, and he tore his eyes away from the two blondes as he returned to the waiting room. Distraction was welcome that day.

* * *

He didn't know why he was there. Why he was knocking on her door this late at night.

Or did he?

No. She wouldn't have kept _that _from him.

Would she?

The door opened before he had a chance to run. For a moment, all he could do was marvel at her beauty.

And then her face morphed into another. Zoe. Zoe with her blonde curls. Zoe that looked so much like her mother.

"Mike. What are you doing here? It's 3am." Her eyes flashed angrily as she moved to shut the door. "Go home."

His foot caught the door. "Wait. Please just listen to me."

"It's too late, Mike."

"Don't go." He whispered, grabbing her wrist as she went to walk away.

They both looked at his arm, tanned skin a stark contrast to her ghostly pale wrist. For a moment neither one could look away. Seconds could have passed, or days, and neither knew or cared.

And then the spell was broken and she wrenched her wrist from his grip as if he'd burned her. She clutched it protectively to her, glaring at him.

"I… I don't want you to go." Mike finished, his voice hoarse.

She laughed bitterly and shook her head. "You have no right to tell me what to do after ignoring me like you did."

"I'm here now, Kate."

"Half pissed at three in the morning."

"I'm not drunk." Mike murmured calmly, and no matter how hard she scrutinised she could detect no evidence he was lying.

"Well then why are you here?" She demanded.

"I just… I needed to see you."

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Well it's too late for that."

"Please just give me half an hour. You _owe _me that at least."

"Fine. Half an hour." She headed towards a bench along the edge of the path, Mike following behind.

"Big day tomorrow?"

"Our last day in Cairns before we go home." Home. One simple word reducing two years of Kate's life to dust. Had her time on Hammersley - her time with him - meant nothing?

"You shouldn't be going."

"You should be letting me do what's best for my daughter." Kate replied coolly.

"Yeah." Mike breathed out, turning to look at Kate. "How is she? I heard about her going missing-"

"She's fine." Kate cut him off sharply.

"I was just trying to make small talk."

"Well, you really don't have a lot of time for that. So just say whatever you have to and leave."

"Okay." Mike whispered. For a moment, he thought back to the days where she would listen to his every word. When they could stay up talking all night with no lapse in conversation. When she didn't hate him.

"Do you remember the night after Bomber's birthday at the pub?" He turned to her, wanting to gauge her reaction. Kate twitched, shaking her head as she fiddled with her hair.

"With… with all the shots ET was dolling out that night I really don't remember much of anything."

"Really?"

"Are you saying I'm lying?"

"Are you getting defensive?"

* * *

_It took Mike three tries to get the door unlocked. Kate stood next to him, giggling her head off as he swore at the door. _

"_You are drunk." Kate declared, managing to take the key off him and unlock the door. _

"_So are you!" Mike pointed out as Kate dropped the keys noisily onto the kitchen bench. _

"_At least I can still think clearly. You were trying to use your finger as a key." _

"_Was not!" Mike protested, tripping over the edge of the tiles. _

"_You act like a kid when you're drunk." Kate laughed, sitting him down on the lounge. _

"_And you just get bossier." _

"_I'm not bossy." _

"_Yes, you are."_

* * *

"Zoe's father."

"Mike, it's not important. It was just one night and he's not around so-"

"Was it one night after Bomber's birthday?" Mike murmured quietly, and although he sounded calm his hands shook. "Please have the basic human decency not to lie to me again."

She stood, trapped, like a deer in the headlights. He knew the answer long before she nodded. Long before he had even asked.

* * *

_Kate returned from the kitchen with two glasses of strange coloured liquid in them. _

"_Drink this. Guaranteed hangover prevention technique." She smiled, handing him one of the glasses before gulping hers down. _

"_You're a bossy drunk, you know that? And I'm not drinking that foul stuff."_

"_Hangovers are worse." She chastised, still holding the glass. _

_He shook his head stubbornly, pursing his lips tight. Kate sighed, placing both glasses on the bench. _

"_You're such a baby." She grinned, sliding into the seat next to him. _

"_And you're beautiful." He sighed, playing with a lock of Kate's hair._

"_You're drunk." She tugged her hair from his grasp._

"_So are you." He pointed out, before he captured her lips in a passionate kiss. _

"_What are we doing?" She whispered when they broke apart. _

"_Giving in." Mike murmured back, kissing her again._

* * *

"She's my daughter."

"What does it matter? You said you never wanted kids."

"What does it matter?! I had the right to know!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "What about Zoe? Does she know?"

She shook her head, unable to say anything else.

"So what? She thinks Ben is her father?"

"This has nothing to do with Ben! He's done nothing wrong!"

"What do you mean 'nothing to do with Ben'? You can tell him but you can't tell me?"

"Mike, the situation was completely different!"

"She's my kid too. You had no right just leaving and-"

"And how many times have you left, Michael? Don't get all high and mighty. You have absolutely no right!"

"Kate, you and I… we belong together Kate. I love you!"

"Love?" She choked on the word. "Be careful, Mike. Loving a boat and a person are two completely different things."

"How can you say that? How the hell can you stand there and tell me what I'm feeling?!"

"Because I know you. You're selfish. And it will always be you first. What _you _want to do. But you won't let me do what's best for my daughter. And what's best for me."

He just shook his head. "I love you, Kate."

"What we have, it's not love. What we have is destructive and it hurts people." She leapt to her feet and took half a step back towards the cabin, only to have him grab her arm again.

"Don't say that. What we have-"

"What we _had_," Kate stressed, running her fingers through her hair, "is long over. What we _had _was a fortnight long affair and a million broken promises."

"And a daughter."

"No!" Kate snarled, whirling around to face him and pushing him backwards. "You may be her father biologically but she is _mine. My _daughter. Not yours. You're nothing but a coward. A drunk. She doesn't need you."

"What if I need her?"

"You seem to be getting along just fine with your whiskey and your precious boat."

"When did you get so cold?"

"When did you get so weak? You left me, not the other way around-"

"That's not true. We were both drunk and I thought it must have been a dream because you'd _never _hurt me like that. But it was different, because you knew the full story and you kept it from me."

"If you truly cared you would have remembered."

"Are you kidding? I remember every day. Every single day. But surely I thought you'd have said something if it had been real."

"It wasn't. A drunken mistake. The rest, Zoe, is none of your concern."

"I can take you to court. I can get custody of her, force you to stay."

"And you would lose. Alcoholic, workaholic-"

"I'm sober, Kate. And I'm thinking clearer than I have in years. I'm serious. I'll fight you for her." The words twisted off his tongue like a grotesque serpent, piercing and striking.

"And take _my _daughter away from everything she knows? Everything she loves? I would rather die than see her go to you."

"How could you hate me so much, Kate?"

"You made it easy."

And then he was alone on the path, the distant locking of the door reminding him just how alone he was.

* * *

**{Kate}  
**_Zoe was three when she asked about her father. It was breakfast time, and they were both seated on the balcony, Zoe making a mess of herself and her weet-bix while Kate peeled an orange. _

"_Why don't I have a Dad?" In all honesty, she had expected something more than this. An in-depth conversation on Zoe's tenth birthday, perhaps. Or maybe they'd go shopping for Zoe's first bra and they'd talk and talk. Maybe it was naive, but she'd thought she had at least a few more years. There was something the way she spoke, innocent and vulnerable, that wrenched her heart. _

"_I mean," she continued, fiddling with her spoon, "Rhys has a Dad, and Millie has a Dad, and Emma and Julie and the two Maddies. So why don't I? Harry doesn't have a Dad, but it's because he's gone far away. Did my Dad go far away?"_

_Still speechless, she considered her options. The truth was out of the question. According to Ashlee Barlow's history, Zoe's Dad was sailing around the seas with his new wife. Her daughter deserved better than some half-truth, but what other options did she have? "Your Dad... he didn't know he was going to be a Dad. I didn't know I was going to have you until I'd left town and moved far away. And I couldn't talk to him to tell him."_

"_Can you talk to him now? You got a new phone."_

"_No I can't, Zoe. I'm sorry." Her daughter's crestfallen face very nearly broke her heart. She could never understand. _

"_Did you love him? My Dad? Did he love you?" Love, she had found, was irrelevant when it came to Mike Flynn. His love hadn't kept her alive those nine months after the shooting. Love hadn't been enough to keep them together. But love had given her Zoe._

"_We loved each other." She agreed. "We loved each other but it wasn't... it wasn't enough to keep us together." _

_Zoe's brow creased. "Why not?" _

_When you're a child, love is the answer to everything. Love saved Princes and Princesses. Love broke curses. Love fixed anything. But when you're an adult, all that comes tumbling down._

"_I just don't know, Sweetie."_

* * *

_Later that night she cried herself to sleep, her sobs muffled by the pillow and the ocean breeze. When she woke up, Zoe was nestled against her side, fast asleep. _

"_I'm so sorry, Zoe." She whispered, watching her daughter frown slightly in her sleep before burrowing deeper into her side. "I'm so sorry, Mike."_

* * *

_The next day she had returned from dropping Zoe at day-care and found Paige at her door. She rarely dropped by, preferring to meet her charge out and about. _

"_Paige? Is something wrong? Is he out?" Her heart was hammering against her chest. _

"_Ashlee, Paul Turner is dead. You're free... if you want to be."_

* * *

Sleep didn't come easy that night, her senses on high alert. Every creak and groan of their fibro cottage sent her pulse racing, the shadows taunting her.

It was like the first week with Zoe at their house, when she had checked and rechecked the locks on the doors and windows over and over again. Except now instead of Paul Turner haunting her, it was Mike Flynn.

Surely he had been bluffing. He couldn't take Zoe away from her. He _wouldn't. _

"_Your Honour, in my opinion living with her mother poses more risks than benefits for the child. Her mother was and quite possibly still is a target of a highly dangerous drug syndicate's wrath. It is our recommendation that the child live with her father..."_

She knew it was just her imagination, but as anyone who's ever faced death can tell you, imagination is far crueller than reality.

* * *

The next afternoon Kate and Zoe trailed back to their cabin, exhausted from a morning of shopping.

"Can we please go see the baby now?" Zoe asked for what seemed like the millionth time as they headed up the path to their cabin.

''After lunch." Kate assured her.

"What's for lunch?" Her daughter whined back, huffing angrily.

"Umm..." She frowned, thinking. They had pretty much exhausted their food supply that week. She unlocked the door, tucking the bags in the corner before stepping outside again and locking the door. "Sandwiches."

"Sandwiches?" Zoe pressed, looking suspiciously at her mother.

"Yes. Sandwiches from the store around the corner."

"More shopping?" Zoe groaned, flopping to the ground. Kate laughed, grabbing Zoe's ankles so she was being held upside down.

"That's right, Starfish. And I'll let you pick a treat for the plane trip home."

"Then we can go see the baby?" Zoe pressed as Kate righted her so that she could stand again.

"Then we'll go see the baby. Come on." Zoe took Kate's offered hand as they walked up the drive towards the sandwich bar.

"You should have another baby, Mummy." Kate almost choked, as she whipped her head around to look at her daughter, stopping dead in her tracks.

"What?" She spluttered after several attempts to form a somewhat sane sentence failed her.

"I think I want a baby sister." Zoe continued, oblivious to her mother's reaction as she continued walking along the path.

"Zo-" She took a few hurried steps after Zoe as she continued to prattle on.

"Or a brother. I think I'd like a sister better, though."

"Zoe." Kate stopped in her tracks, kneeling on the footpath so that she was at Zoe's eye level. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to have another baby. At least not anytime soon."

Zoe frowned, her head tipping to one side. "Is it 'cos Ben hasn't given you a wedding ring yet?"

"Ben and I are just friends. Honey, where's all this coming from?"

"Nowhere. I just want a baby sister."

She frowned, clutching Zoe's hand. "I'm sorry, baby. But right now you are all I want."

"Can we still visit the baby?"

Kate nodded, still shocked that she was having this conversation with her daughter. "But let's get some lunch first, hey Zo?"

* * *

Kate knocked tentatively on the doorframe as the brunette looked up from the bed. "Come in!" She grinned, wincing slightly as she sat herself up higher.

"How are you, Sal?" Kate asked as Zoe hid behind her legs, uncharacteristically shy without her new friend Chloe.

"Happy, tired and bored. Chris got taken back to his room by the head nurse not too long after you left. Got given the whole lecture about not running off. She didn't seem to appreciate it when he pointed out he didn't _run _anywhere. Chloe's staying at Chris' parents' house. Anyway, without them fussing over me it's been quiet. I'm sore too. I guess you remember that feeling."

"Oh yeah." Kate laughed. She turned to Zoe, watching as she stepped tentatively over to the glass crib.

"She's so tiny." Zoe whispered, pressing a palm to the glass to measure the difference in size.

"She was born a bit early, but she'll grow up big and strong." Sally assured her.

"Did you pick a name?" Kate asked.

"Ella. Ella Belinda Blake. Chris wanted something water-y. Oceana or River or Atlantica. He probably would have had Hammersley as a middle name for her, had I not threatened him with sleeping in the dog kennel for the rest of our lives. We compromised. Or at least he thinks we did. Her initials spell Ebb. How'd you pick Zoe's name?"

"Oh... it was in my shortlist of names. I was watching some awful soap when I was about eight months pregnant, and the name was in the credits somewhere. Caught my eye." She shrugged. "It means life. I think it was a good choice."

"It's a lot of pressure, naming a child."

"Lot more pressure raising one." Kate pointed out, adopting a sing-song voice as she continued. "Naming them is just the first in a never-ending line of decisions you'll probably get wrong."

"Cheerful. That's why I've got Chris. I can blame him for all the mistakes." Her smile faded when she caught sight of Kate. "Oh. Sorry. I forgot-"

"It's okay. I wasn't completely alone. I was terrified when I was pregnant. I swear I read thousands of baby books."

"Ha. All ours are stuffed in the roof. After I had Chloe I realised they were absolutely no help whatsoever."

"I donated ours to the library. Useless. When I went into labour with Zoe I thought it was just back pain. I was pacing up and down the beach at three in the morning trying to get rid of it when my water broke. I was in such a panic though. I had no idea what to do. But Ben showed up, because Zo was premmie, and was... my rock. He put up with my mad panic phone calls and my random worries. And we became really great friends."

"Speaking of which, where is that hunky doctor of yours?" Kate shot Sally a warning look just as their conversation was interrupted by a mewling from the baby. Zoe jumped back, frightened.

"I didn't touch her. I was just watching her!"

"It's okay. Touch her hand." Sally whispered, watching Zoe.

"She's got my finger. It tickles." She giggled, watching Ella intently.

"Did you want to have a hold of her, Zoe?" Sally asked. Zoe's eyes widened, turning to her mother for confirmation that the offer was no joke.

"Yes, please." She whispered.

"Sit down on the chair here, then Zoe." Kate instructed, arranging Zoe's arms appropriately before standing up and gently lifting Ella from the plastic crib into her arms.

"Hello, Little Ella." She whispered, before very gently lowering Ella into Zoe's arms.

"Hi baby. Hi little Ella." Zoe breathed out, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm Zoe. That's a Zzz, then an Oh, and an eeeee."

* * *

Zoe had almost fallen asleep by the time they returned to the hotel to pick up their bags and do a last-minute check. Goodbyes had been said and promises to call had been made, and so many different conversations buzzed through her head until all she wanted to do was sleep as well, despite the fact it was only just past three.

They reached the holiday home, Zoe's head resting on Kate's shoulder as she was carried.

"Who's that sitting on our front step?" Zoe yawning widely, pointing at the stairs lazily. Heart thudding, she jerked her head up, but it was not Mike who greeted her. Instead a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair and a posture that screamed Navy offered her a friendly wave.

"Sorry to bother you. We haven't met. I'm head of NAVCOM. Commander Maxine White."

"Ash-" She stopped, her brow furrowed. The name thing had gotten really confusing lately. Because with Zoe and Ben, she was Ashlee, even if Ben made an effort to call her Kate. But with the Navy she was Kate.

"Kate McGregor." She corrected herself, shifting Zoe so she could shake Commander White's offered hand.

"I must say, it's nice to be able to put a face with the name. You built up quite the reputation in the Navy. And the Hammersley crew all have lovely things to say about you-"

"Not to be rude, but what's this all about?" Kate interjected warily.

"Sorry. I understand your apprehension. I don't know if you've heard, but I'm also close friends with Mike."

Kate's heart skipped a beat. "Look, if you're here to lecture me-"

"No!" The Commander cut in, hands raised in defence. "Sorry, that most certainly wasn't my intention. I've been close friends with Mike for decades now but... Anyway, that's not really my point. Just that I've heard lots about you. That you're a good worker, trustworthy-"

She lowered Zoe to the ground and unlocked the door. "Zo, could you please go get your blue jumper and your colouring book and Evie and put them on Mummy's bed. Then you could watch your starfish movie on my iPad. Okay?" Zoe nodded, skipping off happily, all tiredness forgotten as Kate turned back to Maxine. "I doubt anyone's calling me trustworthy at the moment, Commander, Mike especially."

The Commander winced, fiddling with her hands. "Please, call me Maxine. I'd like to offer you a job at NAVCOM. Part-time for as little or as long as you'd like."

"No thank you, Commander. I've made my mind up. Zoe and I are better off in Perth."

Maxine smiled. "Yes, I figured you'd say as much. But if you decide Perth isn't for you then give me a call. We can get you temporary Navy housing while you work. You'd have medical coverage, a steady income. If you wanted." She handed Kate a business card. "Please, consider it."

Kate turned the card over in her hands, the edge of the cardboard pressing hard into her skin. Just for a moment, she allowed herself to contemplate the _what if_s. Could she stay in Cairns? Could she re-join the Navy?

She imagined her mornings, dropping Zoe off at her kindergarten before rushing to work. She'd be bored out of her brain all day but she'd be doing the stuff she knew. As soon as the clock ticked over to four she'd be out of there, and she'd collect Zoe and they'd talk about finger painting and the planets all the way home.

_Home. _

She knew it would never work. It was pointless, an irrelevant fantasy. Because she knew from the moment she stepped off onto the tarmac at Cairns airport that this wasn't her home anymore.

"I don't have to. Thank you for the offer, but this time tomorrow I'll be in Perth again." She pushed the card back into Maxine's hands. "I've made up my mind. Now if you excuse me, I need to be with my daughter."

* * *

The terminal was busy. School holidays were at a close and families were making their way home, ready to face the monotony of everyday life again. She kept Zoe's hand clutched tightly in her own the entire time through security and as they walked to their terminal, too terrified of losing her again.

"Look, it's landing!" Zoe squealed excitedly, running over to the great glass windows to get a better look and breaking free of Kate's grip. She went to protest for a moment, before sighing and moving to stand next to her. She didn't want Zoe to grow up terrified of the world.

"Is that ours?" Zoe asked, standing on tippy-toes to get a better view.

"Our plane is blue and red and white, Zo." Kate replied, lifting her daughter up so she could sit on her shoulders.

"Mummy, I'm taller than you!" Zoe laughed, kicking her feet happily.

"Oi! Easy with the shoes up there!" Kate spun around in a circle, Zoe giggling furiously.

"When we get home can we call Chloe?" Zoe asked. "I wanna tell her all about flying."

"But you just said goodbye to her then. Not even six hours ago" Goodbyes had been difficult, but she assured them that it wouldn't be like last time.

"But we hadn't _flown _yet." Zoe sighed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides, I want to talk to baby Ella as well!"

"Ella won't be able to talk back for a few years."

"But I can talk _to _her." In the reflection of the glass, Kate could see Zoe roll her eyes at her, and she had to stifle a giggle.

"How about you ring her tomorrow morning, okay?" Kate compromised.

"But I want to ring her tonight!"

"By the time we get home it will be past Chloe's bed time. You can ring her tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Zoe sighed, kicking her feet again softly. "Did you get that picture of me holding Ella?"

"Yes, you look very grown up."

"Can we put it up on the speckle wall?"

The _special _wall was the wall their bookcase leant on, which over the years had become hidden behind photographs of Zoe growing up, Kate, Lucy, Ben and anything else that took the girls' fancy.

"Of course we can, Starfish."

"Hey, there's another plane! Is that one ours?"

"Kate?!" Someone shouted her name and she spun around so suddenly Zoe shrieked. Mike stood less than three metres away, walking closer to her.

She reached up for Zoe, lifting her down in a manner that suggested she'd done it many times before clutching her protectively to her. Mike was watching Zoe so intently she feared he would snatch her and run. But then he looked up at Kate and his smile faded.

"What are you doing here, Mike?" Her voice shook, but she was damned if she was going to let him break her today. It would take a lot more to take her down.

"I needed to see you. To try to convince you not to leave."

"Zoe, go look at the planes. Stay right near the window, okay?" Kate waited until her daughter was out of earshot before taking a step closer and jabbing him hard in the chest. "And you're choosing to do this _now_?! When I've been less than five minutes away from you for almost a month?"

"I was upset and angry and… and I was an idiot-" Mike began.

Kate cut him off with a snort of laughter. "Just a little-" She muttered sarcastically.

"Please just let me finish. I don't want any fancy ships. I don't want any promotions. I don't want anyone else but you and Zoe. Please Kate."

She shook her head angrily. "You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. That you wished I was dead."

"I _never _wished you were dead! Never!"

"No, but you made it clear I should have been."

"That's crap, Kate, and you know it. Is that what you really think? I could _never _hate you. I want to be with you!"

He spoke so sincerely that tears welled up in Kate's eyes, but she batted them away angrily with the back of her hand. "Well it's too late, Mike."

"It's never too late for happiness. For love and family."

"We are not a family!"

"I'm Zoe's father-"

"The hell you are! You might have learnt some fancy clichéd phrases but you're still that same selfish sailor who left me."

"You left me! You _died_!"

"And you left me at that damn beach at Watson's Bay where you promised to meet me. I waited all night for you to turn up in the freezing cold. I even went back the next day after class, even though you'd cleaned out your office. I guess that makes us about even, doesn't it?"

He stopped, speechless, and she knew that there was no going back. This was the end. This, _them, _it would never work. Hurting him was the only way to save him. _Cruel to be kind._

"You said last night that our love was destructive. That what we had hurt people. And yes, maybe it has. No one more than ourselves. And if you walk away now it will be in vain. I want a life with you. Both of you. I love you, Kate."

For a moment, he looked so sure that he'd got it right, that everything would be fine. But she knew things never could be fine again. Because she was not the naïve twenty-three year old in love anymore, and he was not the same guy. They had changed, grown up. And she knew it would never work out.

"I'm not Kate anymore." She shook her head as she practically watched his heart shatter. "I'm Ashlee."


	8. Conversations

**A/N: **So I think this is the quickest update I've ever done. Honestly, this is more of a filler chapter more than anything. She had a few conversations to have and they needed to be dealt with. So hopefully it lives up to your standards and expectations. Thank you to all who reviewed. Each review is like a warm hug.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

**{Kate}**

Zoe had fallen asleep as soon as they had gotten onto the plane, and had barely stirred as Kate had carried her down to the baggage carousel.

She'd tucked Zoe into bed later that night, taking extra time to examine the photographs of dolphins and starfish adorning the walls. She looked at each one of the stuffed toys on Zoe's shelf, counting each one by name. But it wasn't until Zoe snuggled deeper beneath the doona with Evie tucked securely under one arm, illuminated by her crystalline blue fairy lights, that she felt at home.

She left the four messages on the phone for later, unplugging the machine so the beeping would stop. She dismissed the large pile of mail on the counter and ignored the dying pot plant on the windowsill, instead heading for the back room.

"You didn't have to come get us from the airport, you know." She told Ben after she'd taken a seat in the squashy armchair, feet tucked under her body and chin resting in her hands.

"I wanted to." Ben replied, running a finger along the spines of the books on the bookcase.

"Ben, you just took off. Left me. And Zoe. You don't want to talk to me but you want to pick me and my kid up from the airport at three in the morning?" Ben stiffened, but still kept his back to her.

"I needed to leave. We both needed to figure out... everything."

"You could have said something. Instead you just snuck off in the middle of the night and left Zoe to find out you'd gone."

"What would it have achieved if I had have stayed?"

"We could have at least talked."

"But I know what you'd say." He grinned. "You're my best friend."

"I kissed you." She whispered, ducking her head. He turned around to face her, crossing the room in two strides. Gently, he tucked his hand under her chin, lifting her face up.

"I kissed you back." He replied. He kept his hand to her face for a fraction longer than was strictly necessary, before withdrawing his hand abruptly. "You already had enough to think about in Cairns. And as much as I wanted to stay, it wouldn't have helped." He stepped back, taking the seat opposite her and lowering his voice. "I didn't want to leave. Please believe me on that. But I want... I want you both to be happy."

"I know... why you left. But it didn't stop me from wishing you hadn't."

She'd always loved this most about their friendship, how they could be completely honest with each other. With her past full of secrets and lies, her friendship with Ben had been treasured above all. He had a knack of helping her discover things about herself she had no idea about, and helping her deal with them.

And there was always something there. Something _deep _inside. They could be happy together, if they wanted. They could raise a family together, have a life. It could be nice. Nice and easy. There would be no fighting – none like she and Mike had anyway. He would talk to her about his problems, not bottle them up. He loved her and she… she loved him too.

"I'm not Mike." Ben's voice cut across her mental deliberation, making her jump. For a moment she was sure that he could read her mind, and that he knew she was mentally comparing the two of thBut then just as quickly as the thought had popped into her head, she knew she was wrong. Ben would know what she was thinking, purely because he knew her too well. Realising that she was still gaping like a fish, she quickly tried to backtrack.

"I... what? No."

"You love him." His voice was steady, calm even.

"I don't-"

"Please don't lie to me." He whispered. "Don't lie to yourself."

"I don't want to love him." She admitted softly. "But I do."

"I don't want to be your second choice, Kate. I don't want to be a consolation prize."

"You're not! I-"

"-am an emotional wreck at the moment." He finished for her, cutting of her reply.

"Can we just talk about something else, please?"

"Fine. Did you tell Mike?"

"About Zoe?" Kate questioned, feigning ignorance once more.

"No. About the footy two nights ago. Stop stalling."

"Mike knows Zoe's his daughter. But I didn't tell him. He figured it out."

"And that ET guy?"

"He didn't say a word. But I thought he'd told Nikki and went off at her."

"She didn't know?"

"I don't know anymore. She's so obsessed with getting Mike and I together that I don't know if she's seeing the rest of it all."

"She cares about you, Kate."

"I know." She frowned for a moment before continuing. "I'll call her tomorrow."

"That's good."

"Please don't talk to me like you'd talk to your patients."

"I'm not."

"You were, Ben!" She ran her fingers through her hair frustratingly. "I hate this!"

Ben took the seat opposite her, eyes wide with concern. "Hate what?"

"This." Kate waved a hand around the room. "Everything! I hate being so damned weak! I hate needing you when I had gotten along fine without you for twenty-eight years. I hate not being a better mother. I hate Zoe not knowing her father. I hate still loving Mike after all the drama he put me through and for letting myself love you too."

Ben seized her hands, squeezing them in his own. "Is that what you think love is? A weakness?"

"Love only ever caused me heartache. What else could it be?"

"What about Zoe? You love her. Is that weakness?"

"Of course not. It's different."

"Because she's got a good ten years or so before she's able to break your heart too? You guard yourself; build walls to keep the pain away. But those walls, they're stopping the good stuff too."

"You don't understand-"

"Yes, I do."

"No you don't!" She stood up and began pacing the room. I had a bullet inside my chest! I was hunted! I felt myself dying! And you-"

"I've never been shot, but I know what it feels like to die, Kate. And to watch the people you love die."

She clapped a hand to her mouth, eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I… I forgot."

"Lucky you." Ben spat back. Then his frown faded. "I'm sorry. It's just… I understand, Kate. You can't let fear of the past hold you back from the future."

"That's easy enough in theory, Ben. But not easy to put into practice."

"It is easy if you don't let your life be ruled by the 'what ifs'."

They both fell into silence, staring out the window at the blackened sky. She didn't know how long she sat there but when she spoke again her voice was hoarse. "Mike came to the airport. He told me that he loved me and Zoe. That he wanted us to stay."

"It didn't work?"

She gave a wry smile. "Not this time. I'm here. This is where I belong now."

"Is that what you believe, or what you think is best?"

"Does it matter?" She rested her head on her arm and turned to Ben. "I'm her mother."

"Yeah, you are." Ben agreed, sitting up too as the pair fell into silence again.

"I told him that I wasn't Kate anymore."

"But that was a lie?"

"I'm going to talk to Paige tomorrow. And tell her I want out of the system."

"Oh." He's murmured dejectedly.

"But I'm staying in Perth." She told him.

"You are?!"

"At least for a little while. That's my decision. Kate McGregor has moved to Perth."

"And the Navy?"

"I think that ship has sailed." She smirked at the pun. "My life is here now."

"And Mike?"

"I don't want to talk about Mike now."

"You need to some time-"

"Please just drop it."

"No. Kate, I-"

But she cut him off, pressing her lips to his so quickly he didn't have time to react. He melted against her, pulling her closer, drinking her in. She was like a drug, a hopeless addiction, and he felt powerless to resist.

But the voice wouldn't be quiet. The voice in the back of his head telling him that this _couldn't _happen. That he was only setting himself up for heartache.

"Stop." He whispered, gently pulling away from her. "You're upset, and you're confused and you're tired."

"I don't care-" She moved closer to him, but once again he moved back.

"But I do. You love Mike. I know it. You know it. He knows it. I'm not going to be someone you use just to forget for a night, Kate. You can't ask me that."

"I love you."

"But you're not _in love _with me."

She took a deep shuddering breath.

"Kate?" Ben prompted, placing a hand on her knee. And then she was sobbing, shoulders shaking as her head dropped to her knees.

"I've stuffed everything up. You and Zoe and Nikki and Mike. All of you. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Easy. You ask for help. From your friends."

* * *

"Ash, I thought you weren't back for another few days!" Lucy rested her latest bejewelled creation on the counter before running to her and wrapping her in a tight hug.

"So how'd it go?" Lucy pressed when they broke apart. "Meet any cute guys? You know, you really have been single for long enough. What about Ben? I-"

"Kate." She spat out the word before she could chicken out, twisting her necklace backwards and forwards on her neck.

Lucy froze, mid-sentence. A confused look adorned her face as she forced herself to nod. "Yeah, okay. I didn't know you went for girls but I totally support you. I guess with an ex like yours-"

"My name is Kate. My... my real name. Lieutenant Kate McGregor. Ex Royal Australian Navy"

Lucy was silent for a few more seconds before her eyes narrowed. "Is this... some kind of weird joke? Delayed April Fools."

"No. I've been in Witness Protection for four years. I... I want to tell you everything. If you'll let me."

Lucy tipped her head to the side, as if looking at her friend sideways would tell her if she was lying.

"Lucy, please. I need to get this out."

She shook herself out of her daze, crossing the room and flicking the sign on the door to 'closed'.

"I'm all ears... Kate."

* * *

"Wow." It was a lot tamer a word than the ones Lucy had previously used in their conversation, but it summed up her last four years quite well.

"Yeah." Kate whispered back, breath coming in short, sharp gasps.

"Kate suits you better."

She blinked. "I... tell you all that and that's all you have to say?"

"Let me process. Just... Ashlee. Who picked that?"

"I didn't get much say in the matter. I left it to them. On TV and in books, they give you names close enough to your real ones that slip-ups are covered for. I figured Kayla, Katherine, Karoline. But they threw me completely with Ashlee. The spelling bugs me. That's the teen way of spelling it. Ashleigh would make more sense."

"And Barlow?"

"Again, no say. I don't mind Barlow that much though. Look, they're just names-"

"And Zoe?"

"I picked her name-"

"No, her Dad." Lucy rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious segue in the world. "I take it he's not really sailing around the Mediterranean with his new wife?"

"No. That was completely made up." She paused, hoping that Lucy would not push the issue, only to be met with Lucy's raised eyebrow. Sighing, she continued. "He was my boss. Mike. I... I loved him. I... we got drunk, slept together. You know, the usual. I... I left before he woke up. I think he just... didn't think it was real, I guess. And then, you know, I'm being woken up with the news I'm dead and pregnant."

"So why Perth? Did you have any say in that?"

"Not really. I might have mentioned it in my deliriousness, but I don't remember specifics. Any other questions?"

"Does Doc Hottie know?"

"I told him before I went on holidays. He showed up to give me support when I... told everyone that I wasn't dead."

"So, how did everyone react?"

"Better than I expected, for the most part, except for a few. Bomber, the woman who saved me, she didn't want anything to do with me. I don't blame her. She quit medicine because she couldn't forgive herself. She was so angry at me that... we're better now. But... Mike, Zoe's Dad. He didn't want to see me until the night before the flight home. He begged me to stay. He told me he loved me."

"Typical."

"I said no."

"And?"

"And that's it."

"What about your family? Parents? Siblings?"

"Oh, um... my father's dead. Has been since I was eleven. My mother... she didn't care that I was dead. Wasn't at my funeral. I didn't tell her I was still alive. I didn't want to ruin her fun. I'm an only child as far as I know."

"As far as you know?"

"Yeah, well I left home when I was seventeen. I haven't been back."

"That's... really sad."

"That's life, Lucy. It's just always been that way. She was always too caught up in men and booze and pills to remember she had a daughter."

"It doesn't make it suck any less."

"I know."

"So, have you ever been married?"

"No."

"And Zoe's your only kid?"

"Yes."

"Meet any cute cops?"

"Luce-"

"Let me process! This is… a big deal."

"You're insane."

"Of course I am. I _am _talking to a dead chick. So what now? Are... are you staying? I mean, if you're Kate again-"

She nodded. "I'm staying in Perth."

"Good. I wouldn't want to lose you. If you still want to work here that is."

"I still have a job?"

"Of course. You're family." She wrapped an arm around Kate's shoulders. "And we're stuck with you."

* * *

**{Four-ish Years Later}**

**{Kate}**

"So, what do you think?" Lucy held out her hand to show Kate the glittering necklace. She took it in her hand, examining it.

"I think... it's beautiful. The stone's a beautiful, clear green and the shape goes really well with the thin silver chain."

"And-" Lucy prompted.

Kate smiled and tapped the stone with a fingernail. "And I also think in monetary terms, it's quite worthless. The stone's well-cut coloured glass and the silver chain is just coated."

"Very good, Kate. I told you you'd get the hang of it."

"Only took me - what - five and a half years?" She spun the necklace around in her hands. "So where'd you get this one?"

"My Grandmother's house. She used to have this suitcase full of old jewellery. That's kind of how I got into it. The whole jewellery thing."

"And why this one?"

"A test. It's beautiful. Just wanted to see if you could see past that to examine it. And you passed." She grinned, flicking her red hair out of her eyes. "You've come a long way, you know."

"Because I do not have to get the customers to tell me what colour a garnet is?"

"Well, that. But you've come out of your shell a lot too. Tried so hard to get your life sorted. It's... inspiring." She grinned, standing up. "Even if you need to get your act together and jump Ben."

"For the bazzilionth time, Luce, we're friends. That's all."

"Why though? I mean, he obviously has the hots for you. And he goes out of his way to see you and your kid. I mean, you're practically married already. Just without the sex."

"Lucy, I don't need a boyfriend. He's the best guy I've ever met. I'm not going to jeopardise that by sleeping with him."

"I don't know who you're trying to convince here." She muttered, before catching Kate's eye. "Alright, I'll drop it… _For now!_" She added with a pointed finger. "Anyway, you should get out of here and go pick up your daughter from school."

"Ben was going to get her-"

"Ben?" Lucy smirked, but didn't push it. "So call him and tell him you've got the afternoon off. Go surprise her! It's pretty quiet here this afternoon anyway. Go have some fun! Take her to a movie or something."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You've barely taken a day off since you went to Cairns. Just bring her over sometime in the next few weeks. I haven't seen her in ages."

Kate laughed, picking up her bag and phone. "Will do. I'll see you tomorrow, Lucy."

* * *

"Mummy!" Zoe ran out of the classroom and barrelled into her, colliding so hard she had to take a few hurried steps back to recover her balance.

It was strange to see her in her school uniform, even now when she'd been at school for over three years. The green and white checked dress she was wearing dwarfed her, even if it was the smallest size available. Zoe took great pride in being the smallest in the class, and would giggle madly every time she retold the story of being told by a new teacher that the kindy kids were on the quad, the teacher not believing Zoe when she said she was in year two.

Her hair had escaped from the braid it had been put in that morning and hung out over her shoulders. She'd been trying desperately to make it grow longer, but it had yet to be long enough for Zoe's standards, and by that she meant as long as her next-door neighbour's young daughter, whose hair was down to her waist.

"Hello, Zoe. How was school?" She asked when Zoe had let go.

"Good! I handed in my homework and showed Miss Doyle my readings and we did drawing. The picture's still inside. Can I show you?" Kate turned to the classroom, hesitating.

"If it's alright with your teacher." Zoe grinned and ran to her teacher, bouncing up and down on the spot. A second later she waved Kate over before disappearing inside.

"A little ball of energy, she is." Zoe's teacher commented as Kate followed her daughter inside.

"Yeah, she is." She agreed as she allowed herself to be tugged to the drying rack by the impatient Zoe.

Her tiny hands picked up a painting carefully by the corners and lay it neatly on the table.

"Well," She asked, turning to look up at her mother, "what do you think?"

The A3 size paper had been folded into quarters before she had begun the drawing. In one rectangle stood two figures. The smaller one had yellow curls and a purple triangle dress, and was holding a small white and grey splodged bunny. Next to her were many fish in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

"That's me, and that's Evie." Zoe pointed out. "And that's you." She pointed at the figure next to it. She was taller, and her hair was longer. "I gave you jeans and a jumper 'cos you don't like dresses. Even though you look real pretty in them. I also gave you some books and your favourite pair of shoes."

Kate laughed, turning to the next section of the page. "And that's Benny. He's got his doctor suit on. What's it called again?"

"Scrubs." Kate supplied.

"Yeah. And I gave him a bag of Skittles and a stesso... Stesso..." Zoe frowned at the word. "Stessoscope?"

"Stethoscope."

"Yes!"

Kate grinned, turning to the third section, where a woman with a green triangle dress stood, her hair a bright, fire engine red. "And this is Lucy." The painting Lucy stood outside a small shop labelled 'jewlry'.

Next to her were boxes and yellow necklaces and small gemstones every size and colour imaginable. "I gave her all necklaces and dresses and stuff, because she likes to sell them." Zoe giggled before lowering her voice to a whisper. "I also gave her a Band-Aid on her knee 'cos she falls over a lot."

Kate laughed, amazed at the detail Zoe had gone into. Then she froze when she caught sight of all the people crammed into the fourth quarter of the page.

"It's all the Hammersley people." Zoe explained, pointing them out in succession. "There's Spider. He's got a water pistol. And there's Bomber. She's got a frying pan. I'm not sure if she's going to cook with it or whack Spider with it for squirting her with the water pistol though. And there's RO. He's got a radio. And there's Buffer and Dutchy. They've both got those weight thingies you exercise with because they've both got huge muscles."

She giggled again as she pointed to the next person in line. "And that's Charge. He's got an eye patch and a parrot 'cos when I talked to him on the phone he said 'arrrr' like a pirate. And then there's Chris and Sally and Chloe and Ella. Chris has got a stess... a stethoscope too, and Sally's got lots of books 'cos she works at a school library and roses 'cos she loves to garden. And Chloe's got some skates on for when she goes ice skating and Ella's got a teddy and a bike 'cos she just started being able to ride faster."

"And this is Nikki and ET. Nikki's got a pretty ring 'cos she's getting married and she's got pretty shoes and magazines and chocolate. And ET's got some flippers for when he goes swimming real deep underwater." In between the two of them Zoe had drawn a love heart.

"And then there's Jessiebird." Zoe had fused the two names together on their visit to Cairns and had refused to change it. "I gave her Binoculars 'cos she's good at seeing stuff other people can't. And I gave her some fantails too because she really likes them and she's got a kitty too 'cos she said if she wasn't in the Navy she'd buy one. And then there's 2Dads and his pet monkey."

"What pet monkey?" Kate asked, brow furrowed.

"Uncle Buffer told me that 2Dads got into trouble when he first went on the boat because he snuck a monkey on board."

"A real monkey?"

"Yes, Mama. Ask Buff if you don't believe me. Anyway that's everyone. We had to draw our family. But Sally and you and Nikki all say that you don't have to have the same blood to be family. Mama, did I do wrong? You're crying."

Kate frowned, raising a hand to her eyes and indeed finding tears there.

"Zoe, you did nothing wrong. This is beautiful. I'm just... I miss them all. And it's made me sad because... because I think you're old enough for me to tell you something important. I think there's someone else who should be on your family picture."

"Who?"

* * *

"I think that I should tell you about your father." Kate began tentatively. Her daughter was a fortnight from turning seven, still by all accounts a child. But she was smart and quite mature for her age. And she deserved the truth.

"My father?" Zoe whispered, peering at her mother as if she was trying to figure out whether the whole conversation was a joke. They were sitting opposite each other on a picnic table overlooking the waves and the beach, altogether a nice, calm place.

"Yes. Do you remember the last time you asked me?"

"You told me that my Dad didn't know he was going to be a Dad. And that you didn't even know until you'd moved far away." Zoe's voice dropped to a mere mumble as she stared at her shoes. "You told me that you loved each other. Was that not true?"

"Everything I told you was the truth. There's just more. Do you remember when we were in Cairns, how they all called me Kate?"

"Yeah, I remember. But your name was Ashlee then."

"Well, that's because my name was Kate. I had to leave town in a hurry and change my name because a bad man wanted to hurt me. We had to hide and I had to pick a new name so the bad man couldn't find us."

"Like playing spies?"

"Sort of. And then before we went to Cairns that holiday Paige came to see me. Do you remember Paige?" Zoe nodded. "Well Paige was there to make sure the bad man didn't follow us. And she told me that the bad man had died. And that we were free."

"To be Kate again?"

"Yes. Except that, to make the bad man not look for us, Paige had told all the people on the Hammersley that I'd died. That's why I was so scared to go see them, and why they were so angry."

"But then they forgave you. Like you did when Lucy broke your shoes and when I accidentally woke you up."

"Yeah, like that. Except for one guy."

"That guy I saw at the hospital. The one who was at the door when Benny took us to the beach? He was at the airport too!"

"Yes, him. But he wasn't just mad because of that. He was mad at the airport because he found out that he was your father."

"Him? Mike, that's his name?"

"Yes, Mike. He's your Dad, Zoe."

"But he was so angry. Was it because..." Zoe's bottom lip quivered, "he didn't want me?"

"No!" Kate replied with so much force her daughter flinched. "No." She repeated, her voice softer. "Zoe, he was not angry because of that, and you promise me now you'll believe me. He was angry because I'd kept it a secret. Because he'd missed out on so much. But believe me, Zoe, he loves you."

"How did you meet?"

"When I was learning how to be a sailor. I went out for dinner and I was reading and he walked over to me, started talking to me. And two weeks later I was in love. But then we found out that we were both in the Navy, and... we couldn't be in love after that. We arranged to meet. To talk. But then he left before we could talk properly."

"Why? Why did he leave?"

"I still don't know." She whispered back, her eyes full of tears. "And so I tried to forget about him. I worked hard. Got posted to all these different boats. And then one day the boat I walked onto had him on it. And I still loved him. We tried to forget all about how we were together before but we still loved each other and it was hard. And one night we just couldn't fight it anymore and we got back together again. But before we could talk about it the bad man found me and I... I had to leave because I found out I was having you."

"What did he say? At the airport?"

"Zoe-"

"The truth. Please Mama."

"He told me he loved us. That he wanted to be a family. And I said no. I... I didn't want you to get hurt."

"But this does hurt." Zoe murmured.

"I'm so sorry, Zoe. Please believe me."

"I believe you." Zoe answered after a while. "But I want to go back to Cairns."


	9. First Impressions

**A/N: **Next bit of 9, 10, Start Again for all you lovely people. Hope you all enjoy it J In your reviews, a lot of you mentioned that you were concerned about Mike, so I did try and put in a bit of the mindset he's been in lately. Hopefully it lives up to what you wanted.

Also, I want to thank you all for your lovely reviews. I do try and reply to all of them when I can, but sometimes it takes a while so I apologise for that. Also, I can't reply and answer your questions if you're logged in as a guest, which sucks, because you had some good points.

**_Sonnenblume: _**_I can't reply to you through a guest but I do enjoy reading your reviews. The story has I think four parts on top of this and maybe an epilogue (from memory) so it's got a fair way to go yet. There's still stuff I may rewrite/add/delete. _

_As for them being separated for seven years (Zoe and Mike), I had originally written it when Zoe was fourteen, so I think in retrospect seven wasn't too much time. __J_

_I am glad you are enjoying the story and I hope you keep enjoying it._

* * *

_...  
_

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

**{Mike}**

Mike threw down the pen again, frustrated beyond belief. He had never been good with words; at least not when it was important. He wanted this card to be perfect, and yet everything he wrote down seemed clichéd and cowardly.

_It's not like she's ever going to see it anyway._

It was torture, writing a birthday card for the daughter he never knew. The daughter who never knew him. He wouldn't send it, just like he hadn't sent the last ones. Just like he hadn't had the guts to apply for custody. Like he hadn't had the guts to do a lot of things.

Even so, it felt good to imagine her face as she opened the card and the present. She'd be older now than the little girl he had seen only a few times before. Her hair would be longer, her frame taller. She'd be in school now. Maybe, he gulped, she even had someone else to call _Dad _now.

There were so many things he wanted to know about her. Her favourite foods, her dreams… everything. It was her birthday in two days, the only thing on his calendar at all this month. April 17th. His little girl's seventh birthday.

His eyes flickered to the cupboard above his fridge, just for a second. It hadn't held alcohol since Kate and Zoe had left, his determination at being a good father prompting him to clean out his alcohol stores. Gone was the dependant alcoholic. Not that it would do him any good.

Now it held all the cards and presents he had kept for Zoe over the years. He'd even managed to scrounge a photo of her covertly off Nav's computer, on the pretext of looking for some crew photos for the corkboard on the boat. He truly was a madman, desperately clinging to the hope that one day his baby girl would come home to him.

The phone rang, interrupting his pity-party train of thought.

"Mike Flynn." He greeted into the phone once he had resigned himself to the fact that duty called yet again.

"Mike, it's Maxine." She sounded cheerful enough, he could hear, but he had had this conversation with her too many times not to know what was about to be said.

"For the last time Max, no promotions." He cut off her attempts at small talk. There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Be reasonable. You can't stay on patrol boats forever, Mike." She attempted.

"Not forever." He agreed. "Just the next twenty years or so."

"You have to let go of Hammersley some time, Mike. Lieutenant Commander Emilie Marx is a fine sailor with an exemplary service record. She would be more than capable of taking command-"

"I'm not interested."

"Mike, be reasonable. Why can't you let Hammersley go?"

_Because it's the only thing I have left of Kate._

"It's not about that. It's..." He trailed off for a moment, "…complicated." On the other end of the line, he heard Maxine sigh, and could practically see her run a hand over her tired eyes.

"Okay, Mike. I need to see you at NAVCOM 1100 hours the day after tomorrow."

"You're not going to change my mind."

"Just come in, dammit. Or do I need to make it an order, Mike?"

There was a terse silence for a few moments before he broke it. "I have to go, Maxine. Goodbye.

* * *

**{Kate}**

The plane trip was all too long for her. While Zoe tired out after the take-off and fell asleep, Kate's mind couldn't shut off, and every minute of the four hour trip sent her mind racing.

The flight was a late night one, and by the time they got settled in their late check-in motel room for the night the sun was just beginning to rise.

She hadn't openly announced their arrival, instead telling Sally and trusting her to spread the news around. Sally had of course gone overboard, as she usually did, and organised a get-together at her house the day after they would arrive. She had tried to protest, but Sally wouldn't hear a word of it, insisting that any excuse to drink was the same to the crew.

Her fingers anxiously tapped the windowsill as she stared out at the sunrise and thought about a few of the people she'd left behind.

Sally, who had become like a sister to her in the past few years, who had come to visit them twice a year without fail. Chloe, who would tell everyone who'd listen she had _two _sisters, Ella and Zoe.

Nikki, who she'd apologised profusely to two days after she got back in Perth, whose wedding she'd promised to be bridesmaid at and who she spent hours chatting on Skype to.

Bomber, who would keep her up-to-date with the latest and greatest sea adventure stories, and who would complain to no end about Spider and 2Dads' antics.

Pete, her annoyingly overprotective brother-like friend, who would call her when he was in port to make sure she was okay.

And Mike...

And soon she would see them all again.

* * *

"Do I look okay?" Zoe asked, tugging at her dark blue dress as she stared pensively at her reflection.

"Zo, you look gorgeous. You always do. But... he might not even be there."

"Can't we just go to his house?" Zoe questioned, turning around so that Kate could tie up the bow behind her back.

"No, baby. Besides, don't you want to see Chloe? She'll be there." She frowned, fiddling with a strand of hair. "Mike might not even be there." She repeated.

"You keep saying that but you've tied your hair up and down three times already, plus you're wearing your favourite green dress."

"So?" Kate tugged on her dress too, a perfect copy of her daughter's actions merely a moment ago. She sighed. "Too dressy?"

"I think you wore that dress when you went to Ben's hospital gala dance-y thing."

"Right." Kate frowned, before rumaging around in her bag and digging out a pair of jeans and a blue long sleeved top. "Better?"

"Wear your silver and blue necklace with it and yes."

"I don't know where you got this fashion sense from but it certainly wasn't from me." Kate mumbled as she changed her clothes. "Hair up or down?"

* * *

**{Mike}**

"I can't keep stalling for you, Mike. I have the brass breathing down my neck, and there are a lot of people who feel you're no longer fit to be a captain."

"And are you one of those people, _Ma'am_?" He asked angrily.

Maxine lowered her voice, dropping a hand over his. "Of _course _not, Mike. But... there's only so much I can do from here." She pulled her hand back, folding her arms. "Of course, if you were to give me a time frame, I could do a lot more."

"I don't see myself leaving Hammersley anytime in the near-distant future." He repeated for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Well, that's going to have to change. Whether it's now, six months or twelve, you're going to have to leave."

* * *

**{Kate}**

"So why are you _really _here?" Nikki questioned late that afternoon. As it turned out, Mike was busy at NAVCOM and hadn't come to the party, and so she had spent the time catching up with Nikki, Bomber and Sally.

"To... to see you all. I guess."

"You know you're a crap liar when it counts." Nikki mused. Kate nodded and fixed her eyes on her hands.

"Yeah, I know." She murmured, taking a deep breath. "Zoe... Zoe painted this picture in her class at school. She had to draw her family. And she drew this picture. Her four different families, she said. And there was me and her in one, and there was Lucy, my boss in another, and there was Ben in another and then there was all you guys. You know, she worked so hard on it. And... you know, Sally... Sally had roses and books next to her and Bec, you had a frying pan and you were trying to decide whether to cook with it or hit Spider with it. And Nikki, she drew you with this huge engagement ring and chocolates and shoes and... she spent so long trying to paint clothes you'd like and... hairstyles. I mean... it was amazing for a seven year old. Her teacher told me that she stayed in all of lunch to finish it."

Kate frowned. "But she didn't draw Mike. And it suddenly felt like the right time to tell her the truth about him." In the back yard, Zoe was tickling Ella. She caught her mother's eye and waved before turning her attention back to her friends. "So I did. I told her that Mike was her Dad. I told her... what I could. I didn't want to scare her to much with shooting. That I glossed over. But I told her the truth and she... wanted to meet him."

"And... and you're okay with that?"

"Well he's... yes... no... I don't know!" She dropped her head into her hands. "He wouldn't hurt her."

"He stopped drinking." Nikki supplied. "After you left. He's just... different. Like he's trying to be better. But he needs you." She tugged at Kate's arm, forcing her to sit up. "Kate. He deserves a second chance."

"I know. But the last time we spoke I... I broke his heart."

"Now is the time to see him, Kate; if not for you, then for Zoe."

She nodded dejectedly, standing up straight. "He's at NAVCOM you say?"

* * *

The sea breeze tickled her hair as she sat outside NAVCOM, watching the doors as people filed in and out. She'd been sitting here for just over an hour and was beginning to wonder if she'd missed him when he walked out of the building.

"Mike!" She yelled before she could stop herself. He whirled around, narrowing his eyes when he recognised her. "Please can we talk?"

* * *

**{Mike}**

"So she... she knows about me, then?" Mike murmured, more to himself than to her.

"I told her about a fortnight ago." She confirmed, peering closely at Mike to gauge his reaction.

"So why are you telling me that? What did you want?"

"Nothing. _She_ wants to meet you. To talk to you." Mike's head snapped up, eyes filling with... _hope_?

"So what do you want me to do?" He asked.

"I don't have some master plan. I want her to be happy." Kate sighed. "Tomorrow..."

"...is her birthday." She looked up, shocked. "Am I not allowed to know that?"

She ignored his comment, handing him a piece of paper with a name and number scrawled on it. "I was going to take her out for dinner to the Italian restaurant on the main street. Around five-thirty. If you can't come, call me on that number."

"Are you sure this isn't just another lie." He accused, turning the number over and over in his hands. He gestured to the name she had written under her number. "You're still Kate, then."

Her stomach dropped.

"I mean," He continued, flicking the number with a finger, "I shouldn't be surprised. Lies seem to be your forte."

"I didn't know what else to do." She whispered.

"So you lied to me? Again!"

"What difference does it make? Ashlee, Kate, they're both me!"

"No they're not! Not to me! Kate is the woman I fell in love with! You said you didn't want to be her anymore and I-" He shook his head. "You lied to me again!"

"I had my reasons."

"Why are you here if you're just going to-"

"No! Let's get one thing straight, Mike Flynn. This is not about you and it's not about me. This is about Zoe. And if you stuff her around, hurt her or forget about her, I will make you suffer. Okay?"

She turned away and began to walk away.

"I'll be there." He called after her.

* * *

**{Kate}**

Mike was late. Her fists clenched beneath the table as she watched Zoe draw on a napkin.

Glancing over her shoulder at the empty doorway, she picked up her phone. "Zoe, I'll just be a second." She murmured, striding over to the corner of the room and dialling Mike's number.

"Where the hell are you?" She growled as soon as he answered.

"I'm just down the road. Two minutes. I'm sorry."

"Two minutes, Mike. Don't screw this up."

She hung up the phone before he could reply and headed back to the table.

"Doesn't he want to come?" Zoe asked softly, fiddling with her hair.

"He's just running late, baby. He'll be here."

Zoe nodded sadly and went back to her drawing.

"What are you drawing?" Kate asked, trying to cheer her daughter up. Zoe looked up.

"Underwater." She shrugged, putting the small pencils back into the pouch and folding the napkin. "It's dumb anyway."

"I don't think it's dumb. Please just show me?"

"It doesn't matter." She murmured, her eyes fixed on her shoes. She felt tears prick her eyes as she watched her daughter and cursed Mike while the small voice inside her head sneered. _You knew this would happen, didn't you? Yet you ignored it. And let your daughter get hurt. _

"Hi." Mike's voice cut off her thoughts, and she turned to Zoe.

"I didn't think you'd come." Zoe spoke softly, and Kate could see the tears sparkling in her daughter's eyes.

* * *

**{Mike}**

Mike froze as Zoe spoke, her words cutting him deep. For a moment all words failed him - nothing in the English language could ever express how sorry he was for hurting her. It was instantaneous, a rush of love so powerful it knocked the breath out of him

"I'm sorry, Zoe." He apologised. "I really am." He could feel Kate's glare on the back of his neck, and swallowed hard. "I should have been here earlier. I just had to grab something."

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me." She shrugged, her eyes fixed firmly on her lap.

He knelt down to her level, shaking his head. "No, it's not okay. I should have been here sooner. I'm sorry."

He so desperately wanted her to accept his apology, for her to forgive him.

Zoe looked up at him, perplexed, but nodded, and it was as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Are you going to sit?"

He turned to Kate, seeking her approval. Even though she had invited him here, this was still _her _daughter, and he knew as well as she did that if she thought it necessary, he would never see Zoe again.

"Sit." Kate offered, a forced smile on her face. He did so, taking the opportunity to see just how much his daughter had changed over the four years since he had seen her. Her blonde hair was just past her shoulders, hanging loose in soft curls down her back. She was taller than when he'd last seen her, although not by very much. It seemed she had inherited Kate's 'vertically-challenged' frame too.

He glanced at Kate, but she caught his gaze and narrowed her eyes, and he was drawn back to the argument they had almost four years ago.

_"How could you hate me so much, Kate?"_

_"You made it easy."_

"So, Zoe, happy birthday." He started as the silence grew.

"Thanks." She murmured, fiddling with her fingernails.

"What did you end up doing today?"

"...beach..." She mumbled.

"Zoe." Kate cut in. "Remember your manners. Mike's trying to talk to you and..." She turned to look at him, flashing her eyes dangerously, "...he's not going to hurt you."

He would have sworn she only said that for his benefit, but apparently he was wrong as Zoe looked up at him. "We went swimming at the beach. Then we made a sand-castle village."

"A sandcastle village, hey?" Mike grinned. "That sounds tricky."

"Not really. Mum's good at it."

"What did you get for your birthday?" He asked, thinking of the unopened presents of hers in his cupboard.

Zoe smiled widely – Kate's smile, he realised with a pang – and looked up at him, suddenly talkative.

"Mummy got me a new sketchbook and some more pencils, a whole tray full of them. 'Cept I forgot to bring them so I was drawing on a napkin instead."

"You like to draw?" Mike grinned.

"Yes. I love to draw. I finished my old sketchbook on the plane so it was good Mummy gave me another one today."

"I'd love to see some of your drawings someday. Did you get anything else?"

"Because we were going away Lucy and Benny gave me their presents early. So I got a set of paints from Lucy and I also got a new snorkel and flippers from Ben 'cos the old ones were getting too small." His heart dropped as he heard the name 'Ben' but he forced a smile. This was about Zoe.

"Do you go snorkelling too?"

"When Mummy can get off work she takes me to Mettams Pool. Sometimes Ben comes if he's not working but he doesn't like it as much as Mummy and me. She says that when I get older we'll go to Rottnest Island and go snorkelling there too."

Mike turned to Kate, incredulous. She shrugged, sipping her wine. "She's part fish, I swear."

"Am not!" Zoe protested, sticking her tongue out. Kate stuck her tongue out too, laughing.

"Do you see many fish at Mettams Pool?" Mike asked, glad he had found some joint topic of discussion.

"Yeah, I guess, although I love looking at the reefs and the coral just as much. I love marine life. I think when I grow up I want to be a marine biologist." She took a sip of her juice, clutching the glass with two hands and reminding him that she was only a kid. Seven years old. She seemed so mature, sitting here talking to him. "In winter the surf gets really rough so we have to find other places to go, but 'cos I'm still learning we only go to places with no waves. But we've got other places we go to as well. Mummy has a camera that can go underwater and she lets me use it most of the time. I have pictures of sea animals I took at home – a whole album."

"What's your favourite?"

"I always wanted to see a Knobby Seahorse in the ocean. I love seahorses but there aren't very many near Perth. The Knobby Seahorses drift with types of algae or attach to sponges. But I haven't seen one yet. In the ocean I mean." Mike's eyes widened as she talked about the seahorse, amazed that she could remember them in such detail.

"Wow. You… you really do love marine life, then."

"Lucy bought me a book of different fish last year for Christmas, and Mummy helps me read it sometimes if I don't know a few words. I love underwater."

"Well then a marine biologist seems like a good choice for you." He looked around. "Did you want to order food now?"

* * *

If he had forgotten Zoe was only a child while she was talking, he was reminded as she ate her pasta. By the end of the third mouthful a ring of bolognaise sauce outlined her mouth as she happily slurped along.

"So how's Hammersley doing?" Kate asked out of nowhere. It was the first time the whole night she had spoken directly to him rather than just through Zoe, and it took him by surprise.

"Uh… good I suppose. Had a bit of trouble with 2Dads when he first came aboard. Made Spider look like the poster boy for the RAN. He actually brought a monkey on board. A real live monkey he conned from some pirates."

"See, I told you I wasn't making it up!" Zoe yelled triumphantly. Kate raised her hands in mock defeat, laughing.

"He and Charge are very close though. Charge keeps him out of trouble now, even though before 2Dads found trouble everywhere." Mike took a bite of his pizza and considered Kate. "Mind you, I'm not having to make sure Nav and ET aren't breaking regs anymore."

"They're engaged now. I can't believe it."

"I know. It's… crazy. But if anyone could tame the girl-in-every-port ET, it was Nav." Mike mused.

"What's girl-in-every-port mean?" Zoe asked, causing Kate to choke on her pasta.

"I'll tell you when you're older." She managed to squeeze out. She took a sip of Zoe's juice, ignoring her daughter's protest, eyes watering.

"You alright?" Mike asked.

She nodded, laughing. She composed herself before continuing to talk. "I heard the proposal was... interesting."

"Yeah!" Mike smirked. "He told me about that after. He went asking Nikki's father for permission to marry her. I heard he got the three older brothers too. Probably not what he bargained for."

"Nikki couldn't stop laughing when she told me."

"Did you hear about the disasterous proposal?" Mike asked. She blinked.

"No. Nikki never mentioned…"

"Just about everything that could go wrong did. He lost the rings just before they were supposed to leave and had us all running around Hammersley looking for it. We finally found it in his car glove box which he swears he had already checked, but whatever. Then they were running late so ET pushed his dodgy car to the limit, before it broke down an hour away in the middle of nowhere. They had to sleep in the back of ET's car. So much for his perfectly romantic proposal. The poor guy spent months researching music and restaurants and cruises."

"Nikki was thrilled anyway."

"I think he was too proud to tell her the whole story."

The conversation lapsed again for several minutes as they all tucked into their food again.

"So what's the best thing on a patrol boat?" Zoe asked, breaking the silence.

Mike finished his bite of pizza, considering her question. "I don't know exactly, Zoe. I love it all." He answered finally.

"But if you had to pick something…" She pressed.

"I like… feeling like I'm helping people, you know?" Zoe nodded, accepting his answer, and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"And what's the weirdest thing you've had happen on the boat?"

"Oh, um… I don't know exact- actually, wait. Yes. We boarded a boat a while back to find the only passengers were... well, clowns."

"Clowns?"

"Yeah… the boat was sinking so we had to bring them on board. And they kept following us all around, playing jokes like they were in a circus. Bomber gave them a few apples to eat and they were running around the ship juggling them. They did cartwheels all down the deck, much to RO's horror. They zapped 2Dads with an excitement buzzer… thingy. When my team were boarding they actually threw a pie at Sharpe, my XO. And they squirted Bird with one of those water-squirting flower thingies."

"You're saying thingy a lot." Zoe noted.

"Yeah… well, I'm a boat guy, Zoe. Port and Starboard-"

"Port is red. And it's left! Right?" Zoe cut in, turning a confused (and pasta sauce covered) face to her mother for confirmation.

"Right!" Kate nodded.

"Right right or right correct?"

"Correct." Kate smiled.

Mike laughed. "When we got back to port we were briefing Maxine and they were standing behind her, pulling hankies out of their mouths and mimicking her body language. Each time she'd turn around they'd pretend to be absorbed in something else feeling the texture of the floor or admiring her car. It drove her mad."

"I would have loved to have seen that." Kate mused.

"Oh, it's funny now but back then I swear we almost left them at sea. 2Dads especially refused to do practical jokes for months afterwards in the name of artistic integrity." He took another bite of his pizza. "But what about you? What are you doing now?"

"Oh, retail still. I work in a small jewellery store on the beachfront." She took a sip of her drink. "My friend Lucy owns and runs it, and she sells all these old necklaces and rings. All kinds of jewellery. And she also makes her own. I can manage earrings but not much more than that. She's kind of amazing. But she sells all sorts of crystals and candles as well, plus dresses and shoes and all that sort of stuff. She buys and sells second-hand clothing, mends it and makes completely different outfits with it. It's fun. It's different to being a sailor, but she's a good and patient teacher. I can identify a whole lot of gemstones by sight now, and she's got Zoe interested in geology too. Like I said, it's fun. And it gives me time to be with Zoe four out of five afternoons."

"And we can go snorkelling more!" Zoe cut in, grinning wildly. She took her last mouthful of pasta before throwing her fork down and performing a kind of sitting down victory dance

"Yes, and we get to go snorkelling more, you crazy girl. Here, stand still for a second." Kate grabbed a wipe from her bag and beckoned Zoe over. "Let me just wipe your face."

In a few seconds, Zoe was fresh-faced and clean again, and grinned widely at her mother.

"All gone?"

"All gone, Zo."

* * *

"Alright, so I suppose we should call it a night." Kate spoke as they left the restaurant. It was dark and the cool, crisp air slapped them hard in the face as she and Mike watched Zoe skipping along in front of them.

"Would you mind if we stopped by my house?" Mike asked, holding his breath as she turned to face him, mistrust evident in her eyes.

"Why?" She asked suspiciously, and he was struck yet again by her piercing gaze.

"Please." He added, ignoring her question.

She shook her head. "That doesn't answer my question." Then she turned to Zoe, taking a deep breath. "Zo, we're going to Mike's house, okay?"

"Yay!" Zoe grinned. "Which way? Port or Starboard?"

* * *

"Your house is big." Zoe mumbled as she stared up at the tall roof.

"The Hammersley's a lot bigger." Mike told her, gesturing to the lounge before he headed into the kitchen. "Do you guys want anything to drink?"

"No thanks." They both chorused in unison.

"Right. Okay, stay there." And then he was returning to the room, a small plate held in one hand. On it he balanced a cupcake, his other hand in front of the candle flame to prevent it from going out.

"Wow!" Zoe breathed, grinning widely. "Is it for me?"

"Well, it _is_ your birthday." He crouched down in front of her, balancing the plate at her level. "Do you want to blow the candle out? And make a wish?"

Zoe nodded. "Now?"

"Yes. Go for it." In front of him, she crossed her fingers and closed her eyes, before blowing the candle out in one. And as he turned to Kate and saw her wide smile he felt for the first time in almost four years that maybe - just maybe - things could work out.

* * *

**{Kate}**

"You didn't have to do that, you know." She smiled at him as she hovered in the doorway, watching Zoe sleep peacefully on the lounge.

"Are you mad?" Mike asked. She shook her head.

"No. I..." She paused. "She had a great time."

"And you?" She sucked in a breath at his words but didn't answer, staring at Mike until he broke it. "Zoe's amazing." He whispered.

"Yeah, she is." She murmured, almost defensively, and Mike could feel the atmosphere in the kitchen shift.

"I just..." His eyes drifted to the cupboard again, where Zoe's presents were.

"You just what, Mike?" She pressed in frustration.

"I want to see more of her. I want to get to know her. I want her to get to know me!" She shook her head, turning to head back into the lounge room with Zoe, but a hand pulled her back. "Don't." He growled. "Don't just run away from me! Don't shake your head as if I'm delusional." She shook his hand off angrily, glaring at him, but he was having none of it. "I just want to be able to see her... on school holidays or something."

"Be thankful you're seeing her now!"

"You think I'm taking it for granted? Please, Kate. I won't... you can't take her away from me now. On the other side of the country. Can you imagine being in my shoes for one minute-"

"I would never be in your shoes." She growled. "Perth is her home. It's our home."

"And she's _our _daughter, and this is the fourth time I've ever seen her. I didn't pursue a custody case because I didn't want to screw you both around but I want to be able to at least call her every now and then. I mean, I found out I had a daughter and then 24 hours later you've dragged her halfway across the country and dropped my calls for four years!"

"You should have just come to the beach. I was going to tell you but you wanted nothing to do with us!"

"We both messed up, Kate. Can you just move on?"

"I can't, Mike." And then she sank to the floor and he quickly followed, wrapping an arm around her waist and clutching her tightly to him.

"Kate, I can't lose either of you."

* * *

"Mama, wake up!" A weight landed heavily on her before she had the chance to react to the words, winding her heavily. Opening her eyes blearily, she was greeted with Zoe's chocolate brown eyes staring at her. "Morning Mummy!" She sang happily.

"Morning Zoe. What…" She sat up, clutching Zoe to her so she sat up too and looked around the room. Mike's room.

_At least I'm clothed this time… sort of. _Groaning, she tugged her bunched-up dress down to a decent length.

"Mike and I made breakfast. Come on, Mummy." Perplexed, she rose to her feet and followed Zoe, her stockings slipping slightly along the tiles.

She caught sight of Mike across the kitchen and suddenly realised how messy she must look. Frowning, she quickly dragged her hair into a messy ponytail and tried in vain to smooth the wrinkles out of her dress.

"Are you hungry?" Mike asked by way of greeting, offering her a plate of pancakes.

"Zoe, go wash your hands." Kate demanded, ignoring Mike.

"But I've already-"

"Please just do it, Zoe." Kate waited a few seconds after Zoe had left the room before she turned to Mike, but he spoke before she had the chance.

"You fell asleep on me and Zoe was already asleep, so I moved you to my bed and put Zoe in next to you. She woke up early and I told her to let you sleep. I slept on the lounge. Does that answer all your questions?" She nodded tersely and Mike smiled. "Eat."

She took the plate in two hands, nibbling on the edge of the pancake. "I'm going back to Perth, you know. This doesn't change that."

"I know." He frowned. "I would like to be able to call her every now and then." He spoke tentatively. She paused for a moment, before offering a short nod.

...


	10. Something Like Family

**A/N: **This would have been up sooner, but I kept rewriting the 'family' scenes. Hopefully it lives up to your standards :) Enjoy

* * *

**Chapter Ten**  
"Can we go back out again now?" Zoe begged, perched on the edge of her seat as she stared back out at the waves.

"After lunch." Kate replied, "So eat something."

"Mike?" Zoe turned to him, puppy-dog-eyes wide. His eyes widened, as he glanced between Kate and Zoe, before taking a huge bite of his roll.

"Chicken." Kate hissed under her breath, although she smiled at Mike to show him she was joking. Zoe ignored her mother's advice as she sat up on her knees, accidentally kicking Mike with her a flippered foot as she shuffled.

"Did you want some prawns?" Mike asked, finishing his mouthful of food.

"Fish are friends, not food." Zoe replied without even looking up.

"Zoe, don't be rude." She turned to Mike. "She doesn't eat fish."

Mike frowned, glancing at Kate before taking a deep breath. "Okay, so you don't eat fish. But you have to eat something. However long we sit here doesn't change the fact that you need to. All it's doing is eating up your time in the water. Your mother has told you that's what you need to do and now I'm telling you as well. Otherwise you can sit on the boat until it's time to go back."

"I'm not hungry. I want to go snorkel." Zoe argued.

"Well if you're not going to eat anything then I suppose I'll give your flippers back to the man and you can go sit back on the boat until it's time to go back." Mike threatened, half rising out of his seat.

Zoe glanced at Kate, eyes wide. "Listen to him, Zoe." Kate told her. "You were sick on the way out here, and you can't snorkel on an empty stomach."

Sighing, Zoe began to eat a bread roll, picking the insides and leaving the crust.

"I can't believe, genetically speaking, that Zoe could suffer from sea-sickness." Mike mused, as she switched to nibble tentatively on a piece of lettuce. Kate laughed, poking him in the ribs.

"You can't tell me that you were never green at the gills."

"Never. Like a duck to water." He smiled at her, feeling for the first time this week that he was finally getting a glimpse of the real Kate.

"Anyway," She gestured at Zoe, smile slipping, "she's eating. So… nice work."

* * *

"…And there was an Angelfish right in front of me, Mama!" Zoe gabbled happily, running her fingers through the water.

"I know. I saw." Kate laughed, flicking a clump of wet hair out of her eyes.

"I got a picture of it too. Can we put that up on the special wall?"

"Of course." Kate nodded at her, taking the camera from Zoe and flicking through the pictures. "Geez, Zo. You got some good pictures." She held out the camera for Zoe to take a look at a particular photo she had taken a liking to, only to find Zoe looking around at the water beneath her feet again.

"Planet Earth to Planet Starfish. Zo?"

''What?" Zoe murmured distractedly.

"Pardon." Kate prompted. "I said you had some nice photos."

"Oh. Thanks. I want to go back under. Where's Mike?''

Kate glanced around her. ''There he is. On the pontoon.''

"What's he doing there?" Zoe asked, following her gaze. Kate gave a shrug.

"Maybe he's having a look at the semi-submersible again." She suggested, glancing at the giant clock on the edge of the pontoon. "Alrighty, Zo. We've got forty minutes until we have to go. So let's make this a good one."

* * *

Mike watched as Zoe dove under the water again, Kate quickly following. He knew he should be out there with them, enjoying every last minute of this unexpected day with his daughter (his _daughter. His _daughter. The words seemed so foreign even in his head) but at the moment he was just content to watch her as she splashed about, dragging Kate from reef to reef looking at the fish.

In twenty-four hours they'd be on a plane back to Perth, and he'd be back to his miserable, day to day life yet again.  
Were things any better this time? He knew her now, knew what he was missing out on, what he _had _missed out on. But Kate had said he could call and write and visit. That was better.

Smiling as Zoe waved to him from the water, he realised that he wouldn't have traded these days for anything in the world.

* * *

**{The next morning...}  
**

The holiday had gone too quick for Zoe's liking, and all too soon it was the last day and she was watching solemnly as her mother wrestled with the overstuffed suitcase.

"Are you sure we can't stay longer? One more night?" She tried, flashing her puppy-dog-eyes look for all she was worth.

"I'm really sorry, Zo,'' Kate frowned, poking the sleeve of a shirt back into the suitcase, ''but five days was all the time off Lucy could give me."

Zoe sighed, picking at her shoe laces. "What time's the plane?" She asked resignedly.

"Not 'til four this afternoon. But we've got to be out of here in an hour." Kate murmured, zipping the suitcase up successfully before turning to Zoe. "So, now that we've managed to cram all of our stuff into the suitcase, I think we should do something fun for the day. Maybe catch the sky rail up to Kuranda and go to the butterfly farm."

"Is Mike still able to visit us when we go home?" Zoe cut in, eyes wide and anxious. Her mother sighed and sat cross legged on the bed in front of her.

"I've told him he can call and write, but his job... he won't be able to visit very much."

"Is that the truth?" Zoe demanded.

"What?" She leaned the case against the wall, turning to her daughter.

"Why are you so angry with him? Can't you both just forgive each other and move on?"

"Zoe, you don't understand-"

"Stop saying that! I understand! I'm not a baby!"

"Well you're acting like it! So sit down now, Zoe Barlow, and stop yelling at me!"

She ran to her bed, diving onto it and burying her head in the pillow. Seconds later she felt the bed shift and smelt her mother's perfume as she lay next to her.

"Zoe, I know that this is hard. I _know _that. But Mike's got to work a lot, on the boats. He's away for months at a time and when he comes back he still has to stay in Cairns in case he has to leave in a hurry. And he wanted to stay and spend time with you today but he had to go and help stock the ship. So I can't say that he will be able to visit, because it's just not easy at the moment. Okay?"

"I wish he didn't work on Hammersley." She sniffed, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"I know you do, Starfish. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Zoe nodded, cuddling into Kate's side. "I'm sorry I yelled at you too." She paused for a moment, before turning to Kate. "And the Butterfly Farm sounds good. Except I think I left my toothbrush in the bathroom. Could you please check while I get a drink of water?"

Kate kissed Zoe on the forehead, climbing to her feet. "Okay, baby. Have a drink and calm down a little."

Zoe waited with baited breath until her mother was in the bathroom. Heart pounding, she leapt to her feet and ran to the front door.

Standing on tip-toe, she reached for the lock and opened it as quietly as she could. Whispering a near-silent apology, she shut the front door behind her and bolted for the road.

* * *

She knew where she wanted to go, but didn't have a clue how to get there. Streets twisted and turned into one another as she pounded the pavement, tears streaming down her face.

She knew he would be there. She just had to find him.

She could have been running for hours and she wouldn't have known. All that mattered was finding _him, _but every turn she took got her even more lost.

Sobbing in frustration she missed where she was going and before she knew it she had fallen to the ground, smacking hard against the concrete.

"Ow!" she wailed, clutching her hand tight to her. Everything about this day had gone wrong. She was sure that this holiday would have made her mother and father realise they belonged together, but things were just the same as before. Worse.

And then she caught sight of that crisp white uniform that meant only one thing. Sailor. She jumped to her feet and ran for the sailor as fast as she could, ignoring the pain in her side.

"Excuse me. Are... are you Navy?" She caught up to the woman, who whipped around.

_"_Yes I am. Are you okay?"

Zoe didn't answer, but scrutinised the woman. "Do you have any proof that you are?"

The woman smiled and pulled out her wallet. "Here's my ID card. Commander Maxine White. Now can I help you?"

Zoe examined the photo against the woman in front of her before nodding. "I got lost. I need to find the Navy base. HMAS Hammersley."

"Hammersley, huh?" Maxine repeated, watching the girl in front of her. "And where might your parents be?"

"Oh… I'm meeting my Dad there." The girl twitched, staring down at the concrete as her hair cascaded in front of her face in a blonde wave.

"Is that so?" She murmured, gesturing to her left. "I walked here. You were close, just a few streets off. I'll walk you."

"No! It's okay! I… my Dad will be cranky… that I talked to a stranger."

"Even after you oh-so-responsibly asked to see my ID?"

"Yes. Please, it's fine. I'll walk." She took half a step backwards, heading in the direction Maxine had gestured.

Maxine shook her head, taking a step towards the girl. "Zoe Barlow, I think you should let me walk with you."

* * *

"Maxine, what are you doing down here?" Mike greeted the blonde as he walked up the dock towards her. ''If you're trying to get me to take a shore posting-''

''Not today. I've got something for you." She smiled. "Over there." She indicated with her head as Mike followed her gaze.

"Zoe?"

* * *

"It's weird." Zoe whispered, using her good hand to remove the lollipop from her mouth. "I want to go home but I don't want to leave."

Mike nodded. "It's not weird." He assured her, sitting next to her on the table in the senior sailors' mess as Bomber tended to Zoe's injured hand.

Zoe twisted around carefully so she could look at him, making sure she kept her injured hand still. "Can't you do something? Can't you come back to Perth with us?"

"I want to, Zoe, but..."

"Mum doesn't want you to." She spat bitterly, kicking the air beneath her feet as if to emphasise her point.

"No." Mike cut her off, laying a hand on her knee to stop her kicking. "Your Mum is not the bad guy. We all made mistakes. We just don't think it would work."

"But it might work out! Why can't you all just try?"

"It... Zoe, not everything works out."

"But it could. You're both just scared."

"You're right, we are. But it's more than that. It's that we're… we're just trying to do what's best."

"But I don't want to say goodbye." Tears trickled down her cheeks, cascading down the already tear-stained cheeks before plunging to the ground.

"Well then don't. Because I'll still see you. I'll still call you and talk to you and write."

"No you won't. You'll forget about me." Zoe sobbed.

"No!" Mike protested.

"Yes you will. You'd rather stay on Hammersley than come to Perth and be near me."

"Zoe, that's wrong. That's not what the problem is. I promise."

"Well then tell me what I'm doing wrong." She begged. Bomber finished wrapping her injured finger, turning to Mike.

"Uh, Sir. I'm going to go call Kate." She left the mess, closing the door behind her to give them some privacy.

"You are doing nothing wrong." Mike whispered as Bomber's footsteps faded into silence. "_Nothing _at all, I can promise you. But this is what Kate and I've agreed is best, and that is that you should live with your Mum." He rested a hand on her shoulder. "This is not goodbye, Zoe. I promise."

* * *

The voices grew louder as Kate raced onto the ship, following the path she knew so well even after six years. She passed the COMCEN and the galley before colliding with the door of the wardroom.

"Zoe!" She gasped, rushing forwards to give her daughter a hug but stopping just short at the sight of her clutching her hand close to her. "What happened? You said she was okay?!"

"She is okay, ma'am… uh, Kate. Sorry." Bomber gabbled, gesturing to Zoe sitting on the bench. Zoe waved, three fingers bandaged together. "She just landed heavily on her hand and one of her fingers is sprained, so I buddy-taped the injured one to the one next to it."

She nodded distractedly, eyes darting anxiously around the room.

"Mummy, are you okay?"

Her knuckles turned white against the doorframe, clinging to it like a lifeline as she was assaulted with a wave of feelings and memories so huge she couldn't breathe.

_"Stay awake! Stay alive, dammit. If there is one thing you are, it's stubborn. Now stay awake!" Keeping her eyes open hurt. The light was bright, too bright, and it burned through her eyes to her brain. Wave after wave of pain hit, and if she had the energy she knew she'd be sick. _

_She had never known pain like this. Had seconds passed or days? It was easy enough for the silhouetted woman with the demanding voice. _She _wasn't dying. _She _wasn't in agony._

_Her eyes slipped shut, despite the protests of the woman, and she prayed for unconsciousness. But it wouldn't come. It was like she was frozen. She couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Every breath was agony. Why wouldn't the pain stop? _

_She had only wished for death once before in her life, at the tender age of twelve, and she had sworn she would never let herself be that weak and vulnerable again. But all that vanished as quickly as the bullet entered her._

_The hands pressing down on her chest pushed harder as someone let out a strangled yelp. _

_"X? I know it hurts. Just please stay awake! Please-"_

"Kate!" Arms wrapped around her, grabbing her just before she hit the ground. And then hands were pushing her, grabbing her. Words made no sense anymore. All she knew is she didn't want to be in that room anymore.

_"We need a medivac or she will die! Do you not understand that?" Someone shouted, but her mind too shut down to know who it was but awake enough to know it was a voice of someone she saw often._

_"She needs blood. She's B-negative."_

_Pain. Blinding white pain. _

_(Why wouldn't it stop? Why wouldn't it stop?)_

_"Why B-Negative? Out of all of them?" The voice shouted again, her voice echoing around her head, each note reverberating off her skull. _

_(Make it stop. Make it stop)_

_"X, just stay with me, alright? X? X! Shit! Spider, get here! Hold this-"_

_Pain so hard it seemed to torture all her senses, clawing its way out of her like some demonic parasite until she finally, _**_mercifully_**_ passed out._

And then cool, crisp air flooded her lungs and she sunk to her knees, her fingers scrabbling with the metal deck like it has the only thing keeping her from flying off into space.

Oxygen. Breathe. Dizzy.

She could feel the bullet burning through her chest, feel her blood pooling around her, wave after wave of agonising pain. She swayed slightly but hands held her upright, and she leant into them, closing her eyes.

Breathe.

Slowly her vision returned and she was she was on the deck of the Hammersley, the ocean clear and crisp and blue right in front of her.

"Just breathe, okay? Just breathe." A hand rubbed her back soothingly, and she leaned even further into it, body limp like a ragdoll.

"…they're just memories…"

* * *

Her eyes closed a split second before she began to fall, but he was already there, catching her easily. Her breath came out in short, sharp gasps as he steered her quickly towards to the corridor. She struggled against him, flailing and scratching like she was fighting for her life.

"It's okay. It'll all be okay." He whispered over and over again, not sure who he was trying to convince. Her breathing was getting worse, so close together she was near hyperventilating.

He fumbled with the handle on the hatch, cursing each second that went by. And then the door opened and he stumbled, clutching her tighter to him as he managed to right himself and push her to the edge of the ship.

"Take a deep breath, K- Kate. Just breathe for me. In… out…" He could see her eyes staring at him imploringly, begging him to make the pain stop. "It's okay. You're okay. Zoe's okay. Everything's okay. They're just memories. Just memories and they can't hurt you. They can't hurt you. Just breathe. Relax. It'll all be okay."

He could feel her breathing return to normal beneath his own trembling fingers as he slowly loosened his grip on her. "You're okay, I promise you." His lips brushed against the top of her head as the two of them sat together, drawing comfort from each other.

* * *

Her hands shook as she struggled to lift the mug to her mouth, the porcelain clinking against her teeth. She saw, out of the corner of her eye, Mike raise his hands to help but she turned away pointedly, refusing the help.

"You know, panic attacks are perfectly okay. It's not a sign of weakness." He began.

"I scared the hell out of my daughter. I freaked out for absolutely no reason."

"Zoe will be fine." He took a sip of his water as he watched her carefully. "I had a panic attack… the day of your funeral."

She whipped her head around to face him. "What?"

"It was after the service. Swain stayed with me for a bit… but he left when it got dark. I told him to go. And I was sitting there… just remembering… and it happened."

"It's not the first time I've had them. But it had been so long since the last one and I… stepping into that wardroom…"

"It's okay."

"Is it? I mean, she ran away for a reason." She felt tears in her eyes again and frowned. "I guess I'm just not a very good mother."

"That's crap. We've had our problems, our fights. But when I look at her…" He gestured to the inside of the ship were Bomber was now giving Zoe a tour of the ship. "…how you've raised her. She's amazing. Truly. You've done such a great job of raising her. Don't start doubting yourself now."

She laughed dryly, raising a hand in a half shrug. "Now? I've been doubting myself for years! I'm a mess."

Mike laughed too. "So am I." He turned to her. "The nightmares. The '_what if'_s. They never stop."

_"_I still feel the bullet burn through me. It's so... unpredictable. Psychosomatic, the doctor says. I could be doing anything really... cleaning, talking, working, and then all of a sudden... it's like I'm dying all over again."

She swiped furiously at the tears trickling down her face. "You know... I hate crying. I want to be strong… but since the shooting... I cry all the time. It's... it's pathetic."

"It's not pathetic. It's human."

She turned to face him, seeking out his eyes with hers. "When they told me I had to go into Witness Protection I said no. I mean, they couldn't force me. But then I got told I was having Zoe. She was alive and well even after everything that had happened to me. With you... us... every time it looked like we'd finally get our happy ending, it was taken away from us. Zoe... she was there. She was... proof of our love... proof that somewhere we could be together, even if it wasn't in the way we expected." Her eyes implored with him. "Can you forgive that? Can you understand?"

"I understand why you did it." He whispered, pulling her back against him again. "It doesn't stop me wishing things had been different though. Maybe... if we'd done things differently, it would've worked. We'd have our house with the white picket fence... and the 2.5 kids."

"A dog?"

"What?"

"I always wanted a dog. A border collie."

"Okay, we'd have a dog. And a pool?"

"Can't get away from the water?"

He smirked, bumping her shoulder lightly. "What about a cubby house?"

"For Zoe or for you?"

"Fort Hammersley. Of course for Zoe."

"Right. I want a swing. A proper wooden seated swing... hanging from a tree."

"And more kids? Maybe two of each?"

"You're not the one pushing them out. Maybe just one more. A boy this time."

"With your eyes. Your stubbornness."

"Your hair and your smile." She sighed and turned to face him, eyes dejected and mournful. "We need to stop torturing ourselves, Mike. We need to move on."

"You could stay. We could make it work. It doesn't have to be some fairy story we tell ourselves."

"You know I can't. I'm sorry."

"Can we just sit here and pretend?" He asked, closing his eyes and breathing in her perfume.

"I don't think that's healthy." She whispered back, moving closer to him.

"I don't care." And then his lips were on hers, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled her closer to him. His lips were a forgotten flavour of sea salt and chocolate as they drank each other in.

Time stopped. The boat vanished. All their problems, all their fears. All their desires. Nothing but them and their need to feel each other. To be. If only for a moment.

And then the moment ended and they broke apart, foreheads resting against each other as she turned to look at the metal deck. "What are we doing?"

Her words brought him back to almost eight years ago, when she had last been in his arms.

_"What are we doing?" She whispered when they broke apart, foreheads pressed together as she locked her fingers behind his neck._

_"Giving in." He murmured back, kissing her again with everything he had to give._

Mike sighed, moving away from her and leaving her shivering in the cool autumn breeze that he swore wasn't there moments ago. "Making a bad situation worse."

She nodded tersely, standing up on shaky legs. "I'm... I'm going to go find Zoe."

He didn't answer her back as she stood watching him. His lips were still tingling with her kiss, tinged with vanilla ice cream and red wine and strawberries and the ocean - that uniquely _Kate _taste.

He fought the urge to touch a hand to his lips and instead just stood there watching her, allowing himself to dream. Would she turn away from him and leave with his daughter? Would she walk towards him?

And then the hatch opened again and Zoe tumbled out, running to her Mum and wrapping her in a bone crushing hug.

Kate sank to her knees again, clutching Zoe tight.

"I'm sorry I ran away. Please..."

"It's okay, baby. I'm sorry too. I'm so sorry." She clutched her daughter closer to her, smoothing her hair. "I'm so sorry, Zoe. I was so worried. So worried. I'm so sorry."

It was as if he was intruding on a private moment, and it hurt. Every sore, every nightmare, every fear and hope and trial, she had been there to soothe it all.

While he was on the outside.

* * *

**Note:****  
**In case you were completely confused by the setting, etc, the link I wanted to post is where I was basing the whole snorkelling thing off. But I can't, so instead if you are completely lost I think you should google 'Reef Magic Cairns'. I went on this when I went to Cairns, and it was quite fun. Except I had a total reaction to the sea-sickness pills my teachers made us all take and spent a lot of it in a sleep-coma... I actually fell asleep on the back of the boat with the huge waves and the sea-spray drenching me. I'm so glad that one of my classmates woke me up. If the boat had have jolted the wrong way I would have gone overboard like RO in a sleepy-haze. Anywho, enough about my holidays. Just the point I was trying to get across was that there are pics on the page. Yeah. Thanks


	11. Boxes

**A/N: **Hope that this doesn't seem too... jumpy, for want of a better word. Hopefully it lives up to your standards. Am just dropping and running because I have to be at work in half an hour (need sleep, need sleep!)

**Chapter Eleven**

Routine had always been her friend. On the Hammersley it was being surrounded by watch rotations and strict boarding requirements that kept her sane. In the safe house, her life was structured around the rotation of officers assigned to guard her.

Now, two weeks after their trip to Cairns it was structured around school and work. The process, the reliable routine had kept her grounded. And it made her day that much harder if the routine was broken.

"Zoe, come in baby, eat your toast. You're already late for school." Kate groaned, finishing off braiding her daughter's hair before sculling her own, now cold, black coffee.

"I am eating." Zoe grumbled back, still half asleep as she munched aimlessly.

"I know honey, but I've got to drop you off and get to work. Have you packed your library bag?"

"Yes." Zoe grunted back, finishing the last of her toast and standing up.

"Go brush your teeth! I'll get your lunch together." She called as Zoe trudged down the hallway to the bathroom.

Oh yes… today was going to be a long day.

* * *

"I brought you junk food. Chocolate chip slice. My specialty. Figured you could use it." Ben handed her the foil wrapped food before sitting next to her and watching the waves crash. "Busy day?"

She shrugged. "Probably not as busy as yours. But yes. It's just been… chaotic."

"Chaotic?" Ben smirked.

"Well, maybe not _'Emergency Room'_ chaotic but… uncontrollable." Ben laughed at her words. She groaned, glaring at him. "It's not funny, Ben. Zoe, she's..." She waved her hand around, trying to think of the right word. "She's so... unemotional since we left Cairns. I know she's mad."

"Has Mike tried to contact her?" Ben asked, smile fading.

She bit her lip, anxiously. "He called her the night after we got back, but I think he's on patrol now. I can't get through to his phone."

"You should talk about it with her. Explain what's going on." His smile faded. "We don't need her taking off again." His voice shook slightly as he spoke, something she didn't miss.

"Did something happen at the hospital?" She asked him, placing a hand on his forearm.

"Just been a bad day. I um... do you mind if we do dinner tonight instead of tomorrow? I just... it's always good to see Zoe after a day like this."

"That's fine." She smiled. Her conversations with Ben never failed to make her smile.

His pager beeped, and he groaned, checking it. "Looks like lunch is over. I've gotta go."

* * *

"Zoe, we're already running late. I need you to go have a shower straight away, alright?" She fumbled with her keys as they sped up the front path.

"Mum, you left the gate open." Zoe frowned, walking around to the corner of the veranda. "There's a box here."

"What?" She turned to follow Zoe's gaze and dropped her keys in fright. "Oh. Oh Zoe, go next door to Mrs Mackenzie please. Tell her I sent you. I'll come and get you in-"

"I thought we were in a rush! Is something wrong?"

"Just do what I say." She watched as Zoe ran across the yard and reached their neighbours house before she turned to the gate. And the fresh boot-prints in the mud.

Her eyes scanned the yard frantically, searching for anything that could be used as a weapon. _Why doesn't Zoe play baseball? _

Finding nothing she groaned, hoping that her hand-to-hand combat training would be enough. But when she rounded the corner she couldn't see anyone. She took a tentative step to the floodlight switch and turned it on, bathing her small backyard in bright light.

And saw what shouldn't have been there.

There, hanging off one of the thick branches on the heavy tree was a perfect wooden swing. Not believing her eyes she took a step closer, and another and another until she was clutching the thick metal chain in one hand while the other ran along the smooth wooden seat.

She smiled as she read the paper note tacked to it, with three words written on there in an unforgettable scrawl. _I didn't forget._

She pulled her mobile out of her pocket and dialled the number she knew so well, heart in her mouth as it rang. What was she planning on saying anyway? This didn't make up for it.

"Hey." His voice sounded weary, and she wondered if he expected to be yelled at.

"I got your message. Where are you?"

"Standing at your letterbox waiting for you." She sucked in a breath, stopping dead in her tracks, her mind racing.

And in one fluid motion she hung up the phone.

* * *

The dial tone echoed bitterly through his head, beating like a heartbeat he wasn't sure he wanted anymore.

That was it. His last shot. And he'd lost.

He pocketed the phone, resisting the urge to throw it hard at the road.

He turned to leave.

"Mike?" Kate ducked out from the shadows, eyes wide and curious. "What are you doing here?"

He took a deep breath, not yet allowing himself to feel hopeful. Not yet anyway. He'd been dealt his cards long ago, and now he had to play them.

"I'm here to tell you in person that I've asked Maxine for a transfer to Perth."

"What?" Confusion covered her face as she locked eyes with him.

"I understand why you don't want to uproot Zoe and move to Cairns. I get that some memories are too painful. And most of all, I get that I hurt you in the past, and that you want to keep Zoe from ever feeling that pain. But I also _know_ that I will never intentionally hurt either of you. And that I want to be able to see you more than twice a year. You take her to school. You soothe her nightmares. You're there for it all. Can you understand that I want that too?"

He held his breath, waiting to be told the fate of his life.

And then she nodded and he felt a wide grin split his face in two.

"The box," he nodded over at the cardboard box she had seen earlier. "Ever since I found out about Zoe... well, I missed four birthdays and four Christmases. And I bought her presents, wrote her cards. But I didn't... anyway, they're there if you decide to give them to her."

"Mike... this is... a lot to take in... I-" Headlights arched over the yard, temporarily blinding them.

"Are you expecting company?" He questioned as the engine turned off and the door shut.

"No... I... Yes. Ben... Ben was-" She trailed off, and he felt a rush of disappointment. Ben. He wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. For thinking a swing would change anything.

"Kate! What are you doing out here? It's- oh." Ben caught sight of him, standing foolishly on the front garden while they played happy families.

The silence echoed on, smothering them all until he couldn't stand it anymore. "I should go."

"No." Ben's voice cut across the quiet night. "Zoe... Zoe'd love to see you. And we've got enough food to feed a small army, right Kate?"

She didn't answer, fiddling with her necklace as she gave a forced smile.

* * *

"So, Mike, are you on a boat or on shore here in Perth?" Ben asked good-naturedly as he stirred the pasta sauce.

"Shore." He answered, before realising his monosylyble answer could be regarded as rude. "I... uh... yes, I asked for a shore posting at the moment. Basic paperwork, intel searches, all that sort of stuff."

"Sounds very different to patrolling the seas and taking out armed bandits and the like."

"Very different, but then there are times when paperwork and intel's all you want to be doing. Those days when you've boarded four illegal fishing vessels or watched asylum seekers so desperate they jump out of the boat when they see us coming and start swimming to land."

"I guess there's always an ugly side to everything." Ben nodded sympathetically, and Kate felt safe enough to leave the two men in the room alone together.

"I'm just going to wash Zoe's hair. I'll be back, okay?" She turned to leave, then spun around again, pointing between the two of them. "Don't… don't kill each other."

* * *

Ben's smile faded as she left the room, and he concentrated on the pasta sauce.

"Are you staying for good?" Ben asked, adding some chopped herbs to the sauce.

"Planning on it." Mike nodded, fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket.

"Don't... don't hurt them, okay?"

"I think they can look after themselves." Mike murmured cooly after a while.

"But they shouldn't have to." Ben growled. "Look, I'm not saying anything. All I'm asking is that you look after them. Zoe and Kate, they're like family to me, and I love them just as much as you do. That little girl down there told me all about finding you, how happy she was. And if you destroy that, it won't just be her you'll have to answer to, it'll be Kate and I too."

"I-"

"Just shut up and listen, okay? Kate still loves you. No matter how much she wishes she wasn't, she is in love with you, and I am perfectly okay with that. Just don't break their hearts again."

"I don't intend to." Mike answered, never having spoken truer words in his life.

"Then we won't have a problem." Ben assured him.

* * *

"You need a dishwasher." Ben grinned at her, hitting her arm with the tea towel.

"I like washing up." She defended, retaliating by flicking water in his face. "Quit complaining."

She watched as his eyes once again flickered to the hallway. "It's okay, you know. Mike won't hurt her." She assured him, tearing her own eyes away from the hallway and scrubbing the already clean saucepan.

"I can't help being protective of her. It's not like you're not worried."

"He took a posting halfway across the country. He left Hammersley for her. The least he can do is give her a birthday present and tuck her into bed."

Ben nodded, resting a hand on her elbow. "And how do _you _feel about it?"

She let out a dry laugh at his words, lifting her hand out of the water so he could see her shaky hand. "He's trying. He really is. He... he left Hammersley. I can't believe... I mean, it's been eleven years since we first met. But the number of times I've played with fire and gotten burned..." She sniffled, before turning to Ben. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be..."

"It's okay. You said you didn't want to pursue a relationship, and that's okay. We're friends, and you can still talk to me."

She nodded unsurely before draining the water in the sink and drying her hands, leaning against the counter. "Is everything okay now? With whatever happened at work?"

He nodded, staring intently at the teatowel in his hands. "Yeah, it's okay now."

"Tell me about it. It'll... talking about it helps."

"They brought in this kid... she ran in front of a car... wasn't looking where she was going. She was exactly a year younger than Zoe. She had the same hair, same size, and when I saw her being wheeled in, with the blood spider-webbing her face, it made me feel sick."

"Is she..." She swallowed hard. "Did she...?"

"She's in a coma. They don't know if she'll wake up." He finished drying up the pots and leant against the bench as well. "Her name is Sasha."

"Zoe's middle name." Kate murmured.

"Yeah. I just... I needed to see her." He turned to the hallway once more. "I think I should go."

"What? Now?"

"You need to talk to Mike and I need some sleep. But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." She murmured somewhat distractedly as Ben kissed her on the cheek before heading through the front door, the sound of it shutting echoing loudly in the silence.

* * *

"You... you didn't have to get me anything." Zoe whispered as she picked at the sticky tape.

"I bought this a few years ago, the Christmas after I found out you were my daughter." She looked up at him, all wide eyes, and he grinned. "Open it."

She followed his instructions, edging her finger under all the sticky tape before the wrapper fell off to reveal a dark brown wooden box. Even though he had agonised for hours whether or not he should buy it for her, he examined it again, taking in the carving on the lid and the delicate lock.

"It's a jewellery box. The key's in with the card. I figured... I don't know. You could put special things in it."

"It's beautiful. Thank you."

Mike grinned at her words before nodding at the card. "Your fourth birthday present is inside it."

Zoe peered at it before opening the card. "Can you read it to me?" She asked, clutching the key in one tight fist as she turned to him.

"Open the box first." Soft, tinkling music filled the room as the lid opened to reveal a small blue glittery book and, on top of it, a thin gold chain. Zoe lifted the chain in trembling fingers, running a thumb over the heart-shaped locket. "It's..." He took the locket from her, opening it. On one side there was a picture of him, and on the other...

"Mummy looks different." Zoe whispered, peering at the photograph. Mike grinned.

"When we first met, your Mum had this camera she'd carry everywhere with her. I first met her in a bar, she was just sitting there reading, completely engrossed. So much so that she didn't even blink as the people next to her started singing loudly, or the people near the bar started shouting. She was just... interesting. I got talking to her and bought her a drink. We sat there in the bar talking until the bar shut, and then we sat on the beach and just kept talking all night."

* * *

_"The sun's coming up." Mike whispered quietly, unsure if the woman lying next to him with her head resting on his thigh was awake or not. _

_His fingers ran through her hair, had done since she had lay down on the sand, but they stilled as she smiled widely, eyes still closed._

_"Really?" She asked. _

_"Yes. Take a look." And so she had, eyes flying open. Her grin widened as she saw him there. Her hand reached up to cup his cheek, smile wide. And then it was gone as she sat up, perched on her knees as she watched the water glisten and sparkle._

_"Wow." She breathed, standing up and walking to the waterline as if under a spell. As soon as the thought entered his mind he found himself standing next to her and he knew that he was under a spell as well. And that he would happily follow this woman anywhere and everywhere._

_"I've seen it before. A million times. But it's so different now." The waves tickled her toes, her shoes abandoned hours ago and banished to the depths of her bag._

_"Aren't you cold?" Mike asked, eying her polish covered toes. She shook her head, hair flying around her face as she dug around in her bag before extracting the camera, snapping a picture of him before he had realised what she was doing. _

* * *

"We watched the sun rise together. She was so amazed by it. She had this enthusiasm about her... it was crazy. And then she started taking photos with that camera before I knew what she was doing. She took that one of me and then I took that one of her."

"You both look so happy."

"We were." Mike smiled wistfully before picking up the locket and undoing the clasp. "Anyway, this is to remind you that wherever we're living, no matter how far apart that may be, you have two parents who love you more than anything."

* * *

She wiped the tear away from her eye as she turned from the doorway and headed to her room, shutting her door quietly behind her.

She'd had her doubts about Mike. Had feared that he would take off as soon as he found out or worse, hurt Zoe. But her mind just couldn't forget the way Zoe had smiled at him. How happy she had been. How she had denied her daughter that happiness for five years.

She fumbled with her wardrobe doors, removing the small metal box from the bottom of her drawer.

Pandora's box.

She opened the box with trembling hands, shakily pulling out the stack of upside down photos. Righting them, she caught sight of the first image and dropped it as suddenly as if it had burned her. It landed face up, taunting her with a barrage of broken dreams.

* * *

_"Finally stopped taking pictures?" Mike asked as Kate returned to where he was sitting. The sun had risen properly now, the sky a light powder blue._

_"I've got three more shots left." She replied, stuffing the camera back in her bag and turning to him. "And I'm saving them for something special."_

_"So, are you a photographer?" Mike asked her. She shook her head. _

_"Nope. I just like to take photos."_

_"Right." Mike nodded, taking the camera from her hands and snapping a picture of her in one fluid movement. She laughed, extending an arm for the camera back. "You said you wanted a photo of something special." He replied innocently._

* * *

He closed the story book tentatively, placing it gently on the nightstand. Zoe had been quiet for so long he wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep or not. But just as he had decided she must be asleep, she spoke. "Do you have brothers and sisters and parents?"

The question came completely out of the blue as he froze, halfway between sitting and standing. "Yeah, I do." He managed to croak out, perching himself back onto the edge of the bed. "My mum and dad live in Sydney. And so does my sister Emily."

Zoe smiled softly, eyes still closed as she snuggled deeper into her pillow. "What are they like?"

"Em's two years younger than me. She's a preschool teacher. She's... she's smart. And stubborn. And kind. Mum's a photographer. She always has a camera with her, all the time. Always smiling. Dad was in the Navy too, 'til he retired. Now he makes wooden figurines."

"Did he make the boat you gave me?"

"You're smart. He made that for me years ago, when I was your age. It was my favourite toy of all."

"And you gave it to me?" Mike didn't answer, but brushed a hair out of her eyes. "I have grandparents. And an aunty." She whispered, smiling. She fell silent again and Mike took it as his cue to leave. On a whim, he pressed a kiss to her temple, smoothing her hair.

"Goodnight Zoe. I love you."

His hand was on the doorhandle when she mumbled a reply so softly it was like a summer breeze. "I love you too, Daddy."

* * *

She squeezed the pliers shut tight, releasing her grip when she heard the chink of broken wire. Clip, snip, twist. She threaded a large red glass bead, a small black one. Clip, snip, twist. Methodical. That was what she liked about jewellery making. Creative but methodical at the same time.

There was a sharp tapping against her bedroom door, breaking the silence and making her jump. The beads sitting in her lap scattered and rolled under the bed and across the floor, three of them pinging loudly off the metal box still sitting on her bed. Cursing, she shoved the box hard under the bed, triple checking it was out of sight before turning her attention to the door again.

"Yeah." She managed to call out, voice shaking.

Mike poked his head around the door. "Zoe's asleep." He reported. He peered at her hand. "What are you making?"

She lifted the half-completed piece in one hand. "A bracelet."

"It looks nice. You're good at it."

"Well, it's what I do now."

"Very different from chasing down pirates."

"Hell of a lot safer, too." She shot back, unconsciously lifting a hand to her scar.

"I'm sorry." He murmured weakly, visibly paling.

She sighed, pressing one hand to her forehead while the other one waved his apology away. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so… bitchy." She rested her hands by her side, offering him the tiniest smile. "I... I heard what you said to Zoe. With the locket."

"I meant every word." He replied forcefully.

"Mike-" She began.

"I'm here to stay. Why can't you just believe me on that?"

"I was going to say… thank you." He didn't seem to accept her comment or believe her, and gestured to the hall.

"I'll see myself out. Thanks for dinner."

"Mike!"

"Yes."

"I'm trying. I really am. And I know you are too. I just need more time, okay?"

He took a deep breath, smiling at her. "Okay."


	12. Meet the Parents

**Chapter Twelve**

**{Kate}**

"We need ice cream, Mum." Zoe called out, slowing as they passed a Baskin and Robbins.

"No we don't, Zo." Kate murmured back as she continued walking past the store. She turned back when she realised Zoe was still standing outside, raising her voice. "If you're good then I think I could afford to buy two cookies and cream ice cream cones. But you can't eat ice cream and go into a book store. Okay?"

Zoe frowned as she considered her mother's deal, before nodding and skipping to catch up with her. She slipped her hand into her mother's as they walked into the bookstore. "What one do you think he'd like?" Zoe asked, eyes widening as she looked around the store.

Kate half shrugged, half groaned as she wondered when she and Mike's relationship had stretched to accommodate buying birthday presents. Then again, it was technically from Zoe.

"He likes classic books." Kate answered tentatively, remembering the battered copy of The Odyssey in his cabin.

"Can you help me find one for him?" Zoe asked, tugging on her arm and dragging her towards a corner of the book store.

"Well if we want to buy him a copy of The Hungry Caterpillar, we're in the right spot. Over here." Kate laughed, sweeping Zoe up off the ground and balancing her on her hip. "Urgh! You're getting too heavy for me to carry, Starfish-"

Zoe leaned forwards in Kate's arms, running a finger along the spines of the books. "What about this one? Lo… Lolly-ta?"

"Lolita." Kate corrected, shaking her head. "And probably not that one, Zo."

"Okay. What about…"

"Lieutenant McGregor?" Kate flinched, head spinning. She was _supposed _to say no. Say they had the wrong person. But she knew that would be pointless. Plus, _technically _she was out of the system.

"Dr Morrell." She greeted, lowering Zoe to the ground and clutching her close. Of all the people in the world to run into, why was it Ursula?

Ursula smiled, holding out her hand. She took it. "Sorry, I don't know your name now-" Ursula frowned as she let go of her hand.

"Oh. It was Ashlee. Ashlee Barlow. But I'm Kate again." She answered.

"That's great news. And is this your daughter?"

"My name's Zoe." She whispered, ducking her head so that she was hidden by her long curly hair.

"Hello Zoe. My name is Ursula Morrell." Zoe offered a meek wave, turning to her mother for guidance.

"Doctor Morrell's a marine biologist, Zo." Kate broke the uncomfortable silence, smiling at her daughter.

"Cool!" Zoe grinned, no longer shy. "That's what I want to do. I go snorkelling sometimes and try to name all the different things I see, but we can't go anymore now that it's too cold."

"Really?" Ursula looked to Kate for confirmation.

"Yup. Real fish brain, this one." Kate answered.

"I don't have a fish brain!" Zoe protested loudly, causing several of the nearby shoppers to turn around.

"My mum'd call me fish brain all the time." Ursula mused, slipping into easy conversation with the young girl.

"Mum calls me starfish sometimes. But she takes me to the reef a lot and lets me take pictures with her underwater camera, so I don't mind."

"You're very lucky to have such a great Mum." Ursula assured her. Kate's eyes widened, unable to believe that after all the tense conversations and sniping, that Ursula was complementing her.

"How do you know her?" Zoe asked. ''Were you on Hammersley too?''

"Not exactly. She... uh... she got me out of some big trouble. She helped me out a lot, and stopped me from making a bad mistake." Ursula nodded soberly, as if deciding that what she had said was correct.

Zoe hummed softly, nodding her head too, but Kate knew her daughter could in no way understand the depth of those words, the enormity of that day.

"I was just doing my job." Kate murmured.

"You went above and beyond. You saved my conscience and my life that day, plus millions of others. And I never really did get the chance to thank you. So… thank you. Truly."

"Well... you're welcome."

The conversation lapsed again. "So, what are you doing now?" _Poisoned anyone lately?_

Ursula twitched, and for one heart-stopping moment she was sure that she had spoken aloud. Then she smiled and Kate allowed herself to relax. "I was visiting my mother before I start this new job. I got offered a research grant on a few reefs off Sydney's coast."

"That's... that's great." Kate stuttered, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah. It beats the textbook collaboration I was doing." She winked at Zoe. "The theory is never quite as fun as swimming around all the time."

Zoe giggled, nodding. "How could anything be better than swimming? It's like… flying."

"You are one smart kid." Ursula mused. She turned to Kate again, holding up her book. "Anyway I've got to get going. But it was great to see you again."

"Yeah, you too."

"And it was lovely to meet you too, Zoe. I do hope you become a marine biologist. It's an amazing job."

She waved a perfectly manicured hand at the pair, before heading to the front counter and leaving Kate more perplexed than ever.

* * *

**Two Days Later, Lucy & Kate's Work**

"So, rumour is you've got a boyfriend." Lucy frowned, turning to face Kate with a smirk on her face.

"Who told you that?" Kate stopped her sweeping, eyes narrowed. Lucy mimicked Kate's facial expression, leading the blonde to frown, knowing it was pointless to argue. "Zoe's Dad's in town."

"Shut. Up!" Lucy's jaw dropped open.

"He's taken a Perth posting. He wants to see more of Zoe."

"And you're okay with that?" Lucy interrogated, giving up all pretences of cleaning.

Kate didn't reply, instead busying herself with the sweeping.

"Oh no." Lucy continued, shaking her head fervently as she pointed her finger at Kate, bangles jingling. "You're still in love with him!"

"Luce-" Kate began.

"After everything-"

"Lucy, I know! Okay! Just drop it, please."

"But-"

"As my friend. Please."

"Okay, consider it dropped." Lucy held up her hands in mock salute, and had just picked up her spray bottle and cloth when Kate spoke again.

"His parents have come to see him. You know, his new place. He wants Zoe to be able to meet them. I mean, they're her Grandparents and I don't have any parents-"

"One, you're rambling. Two, you _just _told me to drop it and three," She furrowed her brow, "I thought your Dad was in Tassie."

"What? No. Ashlee's was." Kate answered, waving away the questions with a hand.

"See, that's confusing."

"You weren't the one living two lives for four years."

"Okay, okay. You win. Your life… _lives_ suck. So are you okay with leaving her there with him?" Once again Kate winced, and Lucy had to restrain herself from shrieking. "No. He's your ex. You're not going as well."

"He asked me!"

"I asked to borrow your black boots the other day and you said no."

"Because you broke my last pair!"

"And he broke your heart."

The words slapped Kate hard in the gut, and she felt her blood run cold.

"I broke his heart too."

"So what? You go out and have dinner with his family? Kate, that's just ridiculous." Lucy crossed her arms, ignoring the clatter of the broom handle as it fell to the floor. "And there is no way in hell I'll let you go."

* * *

"So, Kate, what do you do now?" Mike's father asked, peering inquisitively at her from across the table.

"Oh, well, I work in a shop. We sell… pretty much everything. Second hand clothes, jewellery, shoes, crystals, figurines, all that sort of stuff."

"And do you enjoy that?" William asked.

"Yes, I do."

"More than the Navy?" He pressed.

She shrugged, taking a sip of her wine. "They're both so different, it's impossible to compare. I love the Navy, but I know that I'm done. I couldn't do it anymore even if I wanted to. It was just my time to leave."

"How about you stop grilling the poor girl." Grace, Mike's mother, cut in.

"I wasn't grilling, dear." William protested, raising an eyebrow. "If she didn't like my questions she could have just refused to answer them."

Grace ignored his comment, smiling warmly at her. "Sorry about him, Pet. He's still very much a sailor at heart."

"It's okay, I really don't mind." Kate smiled.

"See?" William pressed, leaving no doubt as to where Mike got his stubbornness from.

"I like boats." Zoe piped up next to her mother. "I got to go on Hammersley once."

"I never got to go on an Armidale." William sighed. "But those Fremantles did the job just fine, mind you."

"Dad, she doesn't need an hour long lecture on how technology is ruining the spirit of the RAN."

"I'm only saying-"

"So now that Michael's off the ship, is there any chance of you two becoming a normal couple?" Grace cut in, stunning the table into silence.

And then, as if a switch had been flicked, Mike, Kate and Zoe all erupted into speech at the same time.

"Mum?!"

"No!"

"I'm working on it."

* * *

"Do I have to apologise for each and every inappropriate and awkward thing my mother said tonight or can I just do a blanket apology?" Mike called out from the doorway. Her head whipped around to look at him for a moment before it returned to face the bubbles in the sink.

"It… certainly made for an interesting dinner." She answered eventually, smiling.

"That it did." He agreed, gesturing to the sink. "You don't have to clean, you know. You're a guest."

"I don't mind." She told him. "Where's Zo?"

Mike retrieved a tea towel from the hook on the cupboard door and began drying up the clean plates. "She's with Mum and Dad. Mum's teaching her how to knit."

Satisfied with the answer, she resumed her scrubbing. "When does your work start?"

"I have two more weeks off before I start the shore posting."

"Have you got your own office?"

"Brass name plaque and all." His smile faded as the silence dragged on. Kate busied herself once again in the cleaning. Three times he opened his mouth, ready to say what was on his mind, only to shut it again as he realised he had no idea how best to phrase it.

"Just say what you want to say." She sighed, catching him by surprise. He'd almost forgotten how in sync they used to be.

"Okay." He murmured unsurely. "Okay. I would like to negotiate some sort of formal arrangement with Zoe."

"Like what?" Kate frowned, not looking up from the water in the sink.

"Something like every second weekend she stays here." He suggested, determined to say what he needed to say.

"Every second weekend?" She frowned, draining the sink and drying her hands on the towel. "Will you be able to?"

"To what?" Mike questioned. Kate shook her head.

"I'm not heading into any custody arrangements with you until I'm certain you're not going to cut and run when the going gets tough."

"Kate-"

"If you make this agreement with me, you're in it for the long haul. No exceptions. If you hurt her, then that's it. Gone. Got it?"

"I understand that. I want the long haul. Even when she's fifteen on the back of a motorbike with some leather clad hippie with a name like Axe who smells like pot and socks and-"

"Feel free to stop. Now! She's still my baby girl." Kate whined, shaking her head again, no doubt trying to get rid of the image Mike had planted there. "On Thursdays I grab Zoe from school and we head back to the shop so I can help Lucy. If you wanted to pick her up instead and spend some time with her then that would be... okay with me. And every second weekend... you could pick her up from my house at around five on Friday and I'll pick her up at five at yours on Sunday. Sound good?" She sighed again. "I'm taking Zoe back to Cairns for the winter school holidays, but maybe you could have her for a week Spring holidays if you're not working."

"Christmas?"

"Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, she stays with me. You could have her the next day to celebrate if there's no school or anything like that, but I'm not changing my mind about that."

"Kate-" Mike started. Kate held up a hand to silence him.

"I'm being more than generous, Mike."

"I know. I was just going to say thank you." Kate looked stunned for a few moments, before she once again shook her head.

"I'm not doing this for you. Or me. It's for her."

"I understand that. But thanks."

Their awkward conversation was halted as Zoe ran back into the room, holding several rows of stitches.

* * *

**Four Weeks Later, Kate's House.**

She'd half expected him to bring her back late just to spite her, but the two of them would always be there waiting in her backyard when she returned from work every Thursday. The sounds of Zoe's laughter would hit her as soon as she stepped out of her car each night, and she'd skip the front door and head out to the backyard to find Mike pushing Zoe on the swing he had so lovingly built.

It was times like that when she could close her eyes and _feel _his hand on the small of her back, pushing _her _on the swing. Times like this when she could almost taste his lips on hers.

_I'm not looking for love. _She'd remind herself over and over again, trying to shake herself out of the daze. Zoe was the one that mattered. Zoe, her little girl.

_I'm not looking for love._

* * *

**One Week Later, **

**Zoe's School**

"Am I late?" Mike's voice broke the silence in the room as he dashed in, still in his Navy whites. Kate shrugged, barely glancing at him as she rested her chin in her hands.

"Yes, but so is she."

"Oh." Mike managed, sitting down two seats up from her and watching Zoe play with her friend in the corner of the room.

"So what's her teacher like?" Mike questioned, but Kate's answer was cut off as the classroom door opened and Zoe's teacher smiled at them.

"Please come in. I apologise for the delay."

They stood up, Kate turning to Zoe. "Starfish, you'll stay with Rhys out here?"

Zoe nodded, and Mike followed Kate as she strode into the classroom. They took a seat behind the office desk, sitting opposite the blonde woman, who turned her attention to Mike. "I don't believe we've met. My name's Elizabeth Doyle. I'm Zoe's teacher."

"Mike Flynn." Mike shook her hand politely. Introductions aside, Miss Doyle turned to the both of them.

"Zoe's a great young child." She began. "She's sensible and determined and willing to put in the extra work for good results. She's bubbly and is always more than ready to help someone out. Last week we had a new student with us and Zoe showed her around the school. Yesterday in fact one of the children in pre-primary was very upset, and she spent her lunchtime calming them down."

"That sounds like Zoe." Mike smiled, glancing at Kate.

Mrs Doyle shuffled some papers. "As for all the... changes... in her personal situation, she seems to be dealing remarkably well. However I get the impression that she's scared of you leaving. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to both sit down with her and talk about that."

Mike flinched but Kate nodded, although she was visibly upset by the fact that their personal life was affecting her daughter.

"She's very advanced in art for her age, she loves to draw and paint. Maybe if you were looking for some extra-curricular activities, art classes wouldn't be a bad idea. We're learning about the sea at the moment, and she's very into that. She's struggling a little at sports. She's very good at swimming but everything else... I think she'd just rather talk to the people rather than play sport. She's very much a social butterfly." Mrs Doyle trailed off. "Other than that, she's wonderful, and an absolute pleasure to teach."

"So did I do okay?" Zoe asked anxiously as she looked up from her drawing book in the hallway. He froze, having no idea what to say. Did he bring up the 'bad' too? But before he had decided what to say, Kate had answered for him.

"Better, kiddo. Shall we go out for ice cream to celebrate?'

"Can Dad come with us?" _Dad. _He swore sometimes she said it purely so he couldn't chicken out of something.

"Yes, he can." Kate answered for him. "Say goodbye to Rhys." Mike watched as Zoe deposited her notebook in Kate's bag before giving another boy a hug.

"See him." Kate murmured in Mike's ear. "Right now, that kid's your future son-in-law."

"She's seven!" Mike hissed back.

Kate smirked. "At least his name's not Axe."

* * *

**Two Weeks Later, Mike's House.**

"I'm hungry." Zoe announced, bouncing up and down on the breakfast stool. "What's for breakfast?"

"Food." Mike answered, rummaging around in the cupboard.

"What kind of food?" She pressed, unwilling to take Mike's answer seriously.

"Edible food." He shot back, voice muffled by the cupboard he was now up to his shoulders in.

"What does edible mean?"

"It means you can eat it." He poked his head out to look at Zoe and managed to whack his head on the bench in the process. "Ouch! Pancakes okay?"

Zoe giggled. "Choc chip pancakes?" She attempted.

Mike smiled, pointing the wooden spoon at her as he considered her. "For breakfast?" He asked in a squeaky voice.

"Yes!"

He sighed, throwing his hands up to the sky as if he couldn't believe what the world was coming to. "Okay, but if your mum asks, tell her you had something healthy. And delicious."

Zoe nodded in agreement, and he began to pull things out of the cupboard.

"Stop!" Zoe demanded, so loudly he almost hit his head on the counter again.

"What?" Mike froze.

"Pardon." Zoe prompted, reminding him, like she so often did, of Kate. Zoe waited for a few moments, looking at him expectantly as if she thought it was the most obvious thing in the world and he was an idiot for not remembering. When it became apparent he wasn't going to answer she rolled her eyes, speaking slowly as if she was talking to a child. "You forgot to wash your hands."

Mike laughed. "I thought you were starving."

"But you have to wash your hands." Zoe chastised.

Mike put the remainder of the ingredients on the bench before gesturing to the hallway. "Okay, I'll wash my hands and be back in twenty seconds."

"I'll be counting. Go! Go! Go!" Her laughter followed him down the hallway.

He'd just dried his hands when he heard a loud crashing.

"Zoe!" He yelled, racing towards the kitchen just as she started to scream.


	13. Through the Doors of the Emergency Room

**A/N**: Hiya! So, here's the next chapter. I ended up splitting this chapter so after this there will be one more and then a short epilogue. Next bit should hopefully be up in the next 48 hours too. Thanks to all who are reading this and especially to the ones who are reviewing. Also, I'm not amazingly good with hospital knowledge. I tried my best, but if something isn't quite right, call it poetic license. Hope this part is worth it.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Twizzlers, oreos, fantails and Skittles." Kate snorted in amusement as she rummaged through the plastic bag. "And Jaffas." She added. "Geez, Luce, are you trying to kill me with sugar here? It's only... what, an hour to your mum's house."

"Yes," Lucy agreed, fiddling with the car stereo, "But I am going to need all the energy in the world to deal with my sister. And so are you, so eat up."

Kate laughed, unwrapping a fantail and examining the wrapping. "So, what's your sister like, anyway?"

Lucy shrugged, keeping her eyes on the road. "Spoiled, princess, brat, perfect."

"Not just a case of sibling rivalry?" Kate smirked.

Lucy gasped. "Cheek! You're an only child. Don't talk to me about sibling rivalry."

She sucked on the fantail thoughtfully. "So what's she into?"

"Herself." Lucy answered without missing a beat. "Talk about her and the conversation will go on for _hours._" She punctuated the word with a slap to the steering wheel.

"Okay," Kate began. "But if you hate her so much then why are we going?"

Lucy turned to glance at Kate, rolling her eyes beneath her sunglasses. "I don't hate her. I love her to bits."

"Yeah, I will never understand the sister thing." Kate murmured, just as her phone beeped. She picked it up, frowning. "Dammit, my phone's dead."

"Mine's good if you need to make a call." Lucy told her, gesturing to her bag on the back seat.

"Yeah, but if something happens to Zoe-"

"Kate, quit panicking. You're here to enjoy today."

Kate took a deep breath. "You're right. Fun."

She threw her dead phone into her bag and grabbed a fantail. "Fun." She repeated.

* * *

The first thing he noticed was the blood, enough for it to drip to the floor as she held her hand close to her. Already it had stained part of her pyjama top, and had created a small puddle on the floor.

She was still screaming, howling in pain as tears and blood and snot and saliva all trickled together.

"Zoe!" He ran up to her, trying to get a decent look. From what he could see, her fingers on her right hand were a bloody mess, and there was a deep gash on her forearm.

"What happened, Zo? Zoe?" His heart was in his mouth. He ran to retrieve the tea towel from the hook and wrapped the towel around the gash on her arm, trying to ignore the way her wails pierced his bones.

And without a clue what to do next, he picked her up and ran to the car.

* * *

"Full name?"

"Zoe Sasha... Um..." _Barlow... or McGregor._"I don't know her last name. Either Barlow or McGregor. I think it's Barlow."

"And you're her father, you say?" The nurse at the desk raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yes, I am." He replied forcefully. "Her mother recently changed her name and I don't know if she changed Zoe's as well. Look, she's in pain. Can you-"

"How exactly did it happen?"

"Uh... she was sitting on a metal breakfast stool. I heard a crash and she was crying. I think she sat on the chair but it toppled and somehow her fingers got stuck. She cut her arm on the corner of the bench on the way down."

"Okay." She made a note. "Has she been to this hospital before?"

"I don't know." He replied irritably, throwing his hands in the air. "I called her mother but she's not answering."

"Her date of birth?"

He felt a tiny surge of relief at the question he could answer. "17th April 2008. Please-"

"Zoe?" Mike whirled around to see no one other than Ben standing next to Zoe.

"Ben." Mike all but ran for the man. "Zoe's crushed her hand. They want me to answer all these questions and I can't raise Kate and-"

"Calm down. She'll be okay." He turned to the nurse at reception. "Gabby, we'll need to operate and push the nail bed back. We'll put her under a GA. Can you get Mona to take Zoe and Mr Flynn to pre-op, and I'll contact her mother and she can complete the rest of the paperwork then."

Gabby frowned. "Breaking a bit of protocol here. But as long as she completes it and it's filed before the end of the day, then there'll be no need to tell Yvette, will there?"

"The boss'll never know, Gabby. Zoe, Mike, go with Mona."

"But... where?" Mike called over his shoulder as he was whisked down a corridor. He stopped, turning around to face Ben.

"Pre-op. She'll need a GA. If you gown up you can stay with her. But you need to go now." Ben called, stepping forwards and giving him a small push.

"Kate-" He began.

"I'll call Lucy. Kate's with her. You go with Zoe now."

"But-"

"She needs you. Just go!" Ben yelled, once again pushing him towards the nurse now waiting for him.

And with that he let himself be whisked down the hall.

* * *

"It hurts." Zoe whispered weakly.

"I know Zoe. Not long now." Mike assured her just as a doctor pulled back the curtain.

"Hi. I'm Dr Saunders." She smiled, eyes twinkling. "I'm your anaesthetist. Can you tell me when the last time you ate was?"

"Um... I had dinner... I hadn't had breakfast yet." Zoe answered, fighting back tears as she looked at her fingers again. Mike caught sight of her, and grasped her good hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

"Okay. When did you have dinner, Zoe?" Dr Saunders asked.

"At Dinner time." Zoe frowned, like it was the most obvious answer ever.

"About six thirty last night." Mike answered for her, knowing Zoe was in pain.

"Okay." She scribbled a note on her clipboard. "And drink?"

"I had a small sip of water when I woke up."

"Seven am." Mike answered.

"How small a sip?" The doctor asked.

Zoe indicated with her fingers. "Just a little, to get the sleep taste out of my mouth."

"Okay." She wrote something down on the clipboard. "Now, Zoe, are you allergic to anything?"

"Banana boat sunscreen."

"Is that it?" The doctor pressed.

"Yeah, that's it. I'm not allergic to anything else."

"Okay." She clipped the pen to the board, turning to face Zoe. "Now, Zoe, in a few moments one of my friends is going to wheel you into the operating room, and then I'm going to put a drip in your arm. It's a needle so it will sting for a moment, but I promise it will only hurt for a little. Then I'm going to put something in the drip that will go into your body, and it will make you fall asleep. And while you're asleep, we're going to stitch up your arm and fix your nail bed. Do you have any questions?"

"Can Daddy stay with me?" Zoe whimpered, more tears trickling down her.

"He'll have to leave when you've fallen asleep, but I'll call him when you're awake. Okay?"

Zoe nodded. "Okay."

"What about this one? Green?" Lucy asked, passing the dress through the curtain in the change rooms.

"I thought we were shopping for your sister." Kate called back, pulling the dress over her head. "Why are you bombarding me with dresses?"

"Because you're gorgeous, and you need some clothes that accentuate your gorgeousness."

"Where's your sister?"

"Oh, she got bored and took off with Mum. We'll find them." Kate could hear Lucy tapping her feet impatiently. "Anyway, what's the problem. You can't tell me you're missing my sister and her _thrilling _conversations about being a brilliant housewife and how _perfect _she is."

"No." Kate agreed, fiddling with the straps of the dress. "But I _am _missing you taking the piss without her noticing."

"All good things to those who wait, Katie. Now come on and show me this dress or I'm coming into the cubicle." Kate pulled back the curtain, doing a spin. "What do you think?" Lucy asked when Kate remained silent. "It's your body. Do you like the dress?"

"Yeah, I like it. Like I liked all the other ones you picked. But I don't need any new dresses. At all. I don't go anywhere, I don't see anyone-"

"Well maybe that needs to change. Maybe you should be dating."

"Who?" Kate demanded, heading back into the change room cubicle.

At that moment Lucy's phone began to ring.

"Doc Hottie." She greeted into the phone. "We were just talking about you," she added, ignoring Kate as she poked her mortified face through the gap in the curtains.

Lucy's smile vanished. "What?"

* * *

He couldn't sit still. He paced up and down the corridors, counting to a hundred over and over again. If he can get to one hundred ten times in a row without a distraction, then Zoe will be okay. He was on the sixth twenty-four when his mother showed up, and he felt like crying.

Instead, he counted the squares on the ventilation shafts. If there was more than one hundred and seventy-four, then she'd wake up and demand ice-cream immediately.

His mother gave up on talking to him and instead just sat with him, whispering words that sounded reassuring but made no sense in his muddled mind.

_Zoe, Zoe, Zoe. _

He couldn't lose her now. Not when he'd just gotten her back.

* * *

"Can't you drive any faster?" Kate demanded, perched on the edge of her seat. She clenched the door handle with one hand as if she were about to jump out at any moment. Lucy knows she'd considered it.

"Katie, I'm already twenty kilometres over the limit." Lucy whispered. "I'm doing everything I can."

"Well it's not enough, Lucy!" She yelled. "I should never have let you talk me into today. I should never have gone."

"Kate-"

"No! I should have been with her. I should have been a good mother."

"You _are _an amazing mother, Kate."

"No I'm not." She angrily brushed away the tear trickling down her cheek. "If I was a good mother my baby wouldn't be in the operating theatre!"

"Kate-"

"Just drive, Lucy! Just shut up and drive!"

* * *

"Mike." He ignored the voice, still counting the squares, expecting the owner to just leave like all the others. "Mike, it's Ben."

He stood up, snapping out of his daze as he turned to Ben.

"Zoe? How is she?" He demanded immediately, rushing towards him.

"She should be out really soon. It's a routine surgery." Ben assured him, although his words did nothing to soothe his panic.

"Did you get hold of Kate?" He asked.

"Yeah. Her and Lucy ended up driving to Mandurah for the day to see Lucy's sister. She'll be here in about half an hour."

Mike gave a wry smile, tapping the pen against his thigh. "Good. She could fill out this paperwork for me." He sank back down into the chair. "She's my daughter and I have no idea where she was born or even if she's Barlow or McGregor!" He turned to Ben, eyes imploring. "Tell me something about Zoe. When she was a baby I mean."

Ben gave a smile and sat next to him. "She loved seeing the world from different viewpoints. She'd be screaming her head off and Kate would just pick her up and hold her upside-down, and she'd just laugh and laugh. It was infectious." Ben gave a laugh. "She'd always be singing that song. You know… _in upsi-down town, the sky is in the sea…" _

At that moment the pager attached to Ben's hip beeped. He glanced at it, before standing quickly.

"Zo's out of surgery, mate."

* * *

"...Feel sick..." Zoe murmured as her face paled. Mike fumbled with the vomit bag, just managing to get it underneath her chin before she threw up. He sat there silently, rubbing circles on her back.

"Finished?"

She nodded weakly, and he threw the bag into the bin before taking the seat next to her again.

"When the anaesthetic wears off, you'll feel better." Mike assured her, rubbing her back again.

"Promise?" She whimpered.

"I promise. Try to drink more water." He told her, holding up the Styrofoam cup. "I'm so sorry, Zoe. This was my fault."

She turned to look at him with her uncharacteristically dejected eyes, but was stopped from saying anything.

"Zoe!" Kate ran through the doors of post-op, stopping at the last minute as she took in Zoe's bandaged arm. "I'm so so sorry, baby. My phone battery was dead. And then I had to fill out that paperwork for Ben. Are you okay?"

Zoe nodded, shook her head, and then burst into tears. It took her a few minutes to calm down before she managed to hiccup an answer. "Daddy said I'll feel better after the sleepy drugs wear off."

"He's right, you know." She took in Zoe's arm and fingers again. "Oh, you poor baby. You're okay now."

"Can we go home?" Zoe begged.

"Of course. Come on." She lifted Zoe up, carrying her on her hip despite Zoe's age. "Mike?" He hadn't moved. "Mike!" She tried again.

"You go." Mike murmured, numbly. "She's... better. With you. Just go."

"Mike!" She hissed, trying to make eye contact with him.

"I couldn't even keep her safe from a chair. She's better with you."

"No!" Zoe wailed. "It was my fault. I fell. Please don't go! Please don't leave again." She flailed desperately in an attempt to wriggle out of Kate's grasp and whacking her arm painfully against Kate's shoulder. "Ow!"

"You promised." Kate hissed, pointing one finger at him while her other hand clutched Zoe closer to her, rocking her side to side. "When you got involved in her life you swore you wouldn't back out."

Mike didn't look up, eyes dull and voice hollow. "Well I guess that makes me a liar as well as a coward."

"I don't believe that you could be this stupid! She fell off a chair, Mike. It's a cut and a buddy-taped finger. She's had that before."

"Looking for me."

"This was not your fault!"

"I left her alone!"

"She's seven years old!"

"She's here because of _me_!" He stood up, jumping in front of Kate. She flinched, taking a step back.

"No! It was my fault! Please don't go!" Zoe wailed, coughing so hard Kate was sure she would be sick. Kate shifted Zoe higher on her hip, shaking her head.

"Mike, trust me when I say that no one blames you. Not Zoe. Not me. But we _will _blame you if you walk away now. And you will blame yourself so much more. Mike, trust me. The worst Zoe will go through today is you walking away." She took a step closer to him, tentatively taking his hand in hers.

He looked down at their intertwined hands, as if expecting it to be a mere illusion.

"Come with us." She whispered, tugging on his hand.

"I'm sorry." Mike whispered.

"It's okay. It's okay." She whispered over and over again, leading him from the room. "It's okay." She had no idea who she was trying to soothe; Mike, Zoe or herself.

* * *

"I'm sorry." He told Kate again as she sat down next to him on the park bench in their backyard.

"You're a Dad now." She replied. "You're going to stuff up… you just can't waste your energy dwelling on the bad."

"The nurse was trying to get me to fill out the paperwork... I couldn't even tell her Zoe's last name."

"I kept it as Barlow. I figured it was less disruptive for her. Not that it would make much of a difference."

"That's not the point. I don't... I don't know her." He kicked the ground angrily. "I don't know a thing about her and she's my damn daughter!"

Kate shook her head. "What's her favourite sandwich?"

"Cream cheese with the crusts cut off." He replied automatically.

"Right. And what's her toy bunny's name?"

"Evie. But-"

"And what's her dream right now?"

"To see a seahorse in the ocean."

"See?" She pressed, eyes sparkling.

"See what?" He spat back glumly.

"Zoe doesn't care what hospital she was born in or what her GP's name is. Those little things that you know are the things she cares about. You know the things that matter to her."

"It's not enough."

"It is for her. And _she's _the one that matters."

He shook his head. "I stuffed up, Kate."

"Mike, kids get hurt. But she's okay. Just sleepy."

"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry about everything."

She sighed, plaiting several strands of grass as she nodded. "I'm sorry too."

He turned to her, eyes wide. "For what?"

"For... for not finding some way to have been able to stay with you. For not making them tell you I was still alive. For not… for not telling you about Zoe straight away."

"Kate-"

"You can't change the past, Mike. But you _can _control your future." They both turned to the swing hanging silently from the tree.

"Sometimes." Mike murmured.

"What?" She snapped her eyes back to him.

"I said 'sometimes'." He repeated, locking eyes with her. "But sometimes people can't let go of the past. And they hold the past against you. Even when all you want is for them to move on with you."

She ducked her head, hiding behind her hair. "Sometimes... the past is too much."

"And sometimes I swear that's just an excuse, Kate."

She shook her head, standing up. "Please don't, Mike. Now's not the right time."

"Now's never the right time, Kate." He grabbed her wrist. "I've told you that I want to be with you, but you don't believe me."

"I believe you." She agreed, shaking her hand from his grasp. "But when it all gets too much who's to say you won't change your mind like you did today?"

"I think... that today, I was so terrified Zoe and you would hate me... would want me gone... and so I felt like I needed to leave before you told me to leave. But I'm not leaving anymore Kate. Please forgive me."

"I... I forgive you, Mike. But it's going to take some time for me to trust you."

He nodded solemnly, taking a step away from her. "So I suppose you're going to keep Zoe at yours over the next few weeks?"

"Absolutely not." She shook her head.

"What?" Mike asked, barely able to believe what he was hearing.

"I said no. Zoe needs reassurance you're not going anywhere, otherwise she'll completely blame herself. So you'll pick her up from school on Thursday as normal."

Mike nodded, smiling widely. "Thank you."

He expected to hear her usual retort of "_I'm not doing it for you", _but instead she merely smiled, and he took that as his chance.

"I was thinking… could Zoe spend the day with Mum and Dad on Saturday? I know that Saturday's your day, but... I was thinking that we could go out. Together."

"On a date, you mean?" She raised an eyebrow at Mike.

"Let's just call it dinner together." He told her. "And after you can decide whether or not you want to call it a date."

A smile took over her face before she could help it, but as quickly as it appeared she shook herself out of the daze. "Mike-"

"One day. I'll sort everything out. Please?"

She shrugged. "I'll think about it and let you know by Thursday when I pick her up from yours."

"But-"

"Sorry, but I don't promise anything more than I can give." She quipped as she turned around and walked inside. And even as she closed the door behind her leaving him alone in her backyard, he couldn't help but smile. Just like the last time she'd said those exact words to him, he'd make her see he was worth the leap of faith.


	14. DinnerDate

**A/N:** I got a few questions about Zoe's injuries on FF, so I'm going to copy one of the answers I posted just to clarify. _She didn't break anything, but she pulled the nail off her finger which they would have to push back in surgery and she also cut her arm on the corner of the bench on the way down, which needed stitches. She didn't cut any veins or arteries. I did say it was enough blood to drip to the floor, but it wasn't an excessive amount. Mike reacted the way he did because it was his daughter bleeding, which would have freaked him out a lot._

_The fingernail thing happened to my brother when he was younger than Zoe, and he never had to stay in for observation, but he went the next day for them to check how it was going. He had his fingers bandaged and buddy-taped but he still found how to manage to suck his thumb._

_As for the whole nausea after the general anesthetic, I'm basing a bit of that over how I felt after having one. I get that how I feel and how a child would feel would be different, but I also asked my mum a whole lot of questions about how Josh was after his GA, so I did try to be as thorough as I could._

Hope that helps you all out.

Now, on to the next (and final) chapter (minus the *tiny* epilogue). Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

She kept her promise. She thought and thought about his question so much over the next few days that she found she was able to focus on little else. Each day she came to a different result, and the whole process confusing her so much that she was considering just tossing a coin to get it over with.

It was just dinner after all. Did it really matter?

The answer was yes. The answer was always yes. Of course it mattered. She could lie to everyone else but she couldn't lie to herself. It mattered. _Mike _mattered.

And if she was completely honest with herself, she knew she wanted to say yes.

But Mike was right, she couldn't let go of the past. Couldn't ignore the past eleven years and the hurt they had contained.

Even _if_ she wanted to be happy.

* * *

"You need to go!" Lucy told her, throwing her hands up in the air. "How many more times do I have to say it?"

Kate rolled her eyes, turning to her boss. "Uh, excuse me, Luce! You were the one who didn't want me anywhere near Mike."

Lucy dismissed her comment with a wave of her hand. "I changed my mind. Constitutional right!"

"Luce, I just don't know." Kate protested, unpicking the hem of the dress on the bench.

"So go and find out!"

"I'll think about it." Kate told her.

Lucy rolled her eyes once again, and Kate had to resist mimicking her. "You have an hour until you have to give him an answer!" She shrieked, causing several of her customers to look up in alarm.

"I know." She hissed, keeping her voice quiet. "But hush. You're scaring the lovely people."

Lucy once again ignored her comment, and Kate wondered whether Lucy actually needed her for this conversation. "Katie, you're never going to be happy if you stay on the safe side all the time. Live a little. Have you even dated anyone since you came here?"

She had, briefly, but after she knew it would make no difference to Lucy if she said she had dated the whole local football team. So instead she merely shrugged. "I don't have time to date. You know, given that I was dead and all."

"Excuses." Lucy dismissed.

"Luce-"

"Don't you 'Luce' me! You've been revived, Lazarus. Go on Thursday and give him an answer. Do it!"

* * *

Thursday came around both all too soon and not soon enough for Mike as he stood outside Zoe's classroom waiting for her.

She was the last one out of her classroom like she so often was, but that never mattered to him. She hugged Rhys goodbye (Mike felt his stomach clench tighter as he remembered Kate's words about the young boy) before she finally ran up to him.

He felt a twinge of guilt as he saw her bandaged fingers, but he shook his head, knowing he couldn't change it.

All he could do was enjoy the afternoon with his daughter.

* * *

"Mummy!" Zoe ran out the door and into the front yard, reaching the car and opening the driver door before Kate even had the chance to undo her seatbelt.

"Hey Zozo!" Kate greeted as she stepped out of the car, kneeling to the ground and hugging her daughter tight. "What have you been doing with... Daddy?" The word was still new to her mouth, and felt out of place as she spoke it. But if Zoe noticed her hesitation, she never mentioned it.

"He helped me finish my homework and then we made cookies with Grandma."

"Did you, now?" The word Grandma stirred something in her too. Her mother, still alive, was most certainly not Grandmother material, and she was glad Zoe would now have at least one Grandmother to guide her. "Did you save some for me?"

"Not 'til after dinner, Mum." Zoe chastised, emphasising the state with a pointed finger.

"Why not?" She whined, poking Zoe lightly on her good arm.

"Because… because… because I said so!" Zoe frowned. "You're being silly." She declared, giggling as Kate poked her tongue out at her.

"Am I being silly?" She asked, catching Zoe by the waist and picking her up. She flipped Zoe upside-down, laughing as Zoe giggled madly.

She caught sight of Mike leaning in the doorway and put Zoe right-way-up on the path again, waving lamely.

"I'm going to get my bag!" Zoe skipped to the front door, stopping in front of Mike. "She's being silly today," she declared, before slipping inside.

"Hey." Mike greeted as Kate walked up the front path. "I hear you're being silly."

"Zoe said I couldn't have any cookies until after dinner. So I flipped her upside-down. You know, the usual."

Mike laughed. "She's probably just parroting mum. She was always on about the '_no eating after four-thirty' _rule." He paused for a moment. "How was work?"

She shrugged. "The work was fun…" She shrugged, "but Lucy was on my case today."

Mike frowned. "About what?"

She rolled her eyes pointedly. "About whether I should be going out with you on Saturday."

"And... did you make a decision?" He asked tentatively.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, I did. Sort of."

"And...?" He pressed, just as Zoe ran back out, hair trailing behind her. It had grown longer in the last few months, but not long enough to satisfy the determined young girl.

"Are we going Mummy?" She asked, tugging on Kate's hand.

"Just a moment." She told her, turning to Mike.

"Saturday sounds… nice."

"But…" Mike sighed.

"No buts. Not anymore." She told him, eyes burning. "I'll see you Saturday."

* * *

"What am I supposed to wear, Luce?" Kate whined. She'd never been one to agonise over hair or clothes or make-up, but now she was regretting it. Maybe then she'd have _something _in her wardrobe.

"We sell clothes for a living. You've never bought anything for yourself?" Lucy clicked her tongue over the phone.

"Nothing that looks _right. _Besides, I don't even know where we're going."

"Alright." If there was anyone that could get her out of a clothing emergency, it was Lucy, and as much as she complained, Kate knew she loved it. "Alright." Lucy repeated, and Kate could practically see her sit up straighter. "This _is _an emergency, so I'll be over in ten minutes with some clothes and chocolate. And if I hear so much as a whimper of protest at anything I pick then... then you're on bin duty for a year."

* * *

"I never got the chance to say before… what with Mum and Zoe…" Mike began as they slid into his car that Saturday afternoon.

"Yeah?" She prompted, busying herself with her seatbelt.

"Yeah, but you look nice. Actually, you look amazing."

She turned to him, eyes wide as she cursed the blush now rising to her cheeks. "Thanks." She mumbled hesitantly as she fiddled with her necklace. "You too."

Mike _did _look nice too, all dressed up in a white button-up shirt and dark jeans. Lucy had forced Kate into wearing a ruffled dark teal dress with her favourite black boots. All in all it was nothing Kate would hate to wear, but she had to whine to keep up appearances.

Mike grinned at her compliment as he reversed the car out of the driveway and began driving down the roads, counting silently in his head as an idea crossed his mind.

He had just got counted to one hundred when she spoke.

"So, where are we going?" She asked, turning to look at him. He smirked.

"Not even two minutes." He laughed. "I've been counting. You always were impatient." She scowled and he smiled at her. "It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises." She muttered.

He shook his head. "No, you hate not being in control. There _is_ a difference." Her nose furrowed slightly as he spoke, and he knew that he had hit the nail right on the head.

"Okay, then how much longer?" She asked, unable to keep the whine out of her voice as she resigned herself to the fact that she could dispute him no longer.

"Just be patient." He told her, his voice slow and clear as if he was talking to a child. "How was your week?"

She frowned at him again, knowing that he was trying to distract her before deciding it didn't really matter. "Busy." She began. "We got a huge donation of clothes on Wednesday so Lucy and I have been sorting through them. A few needed patching up so I've been unpicking hems and resewing them. Then we've been pricing them and everything... yeah. Long week."

"Do you..." Mike began, then shook his head. "Don't worry."

"No. What?" She pressed, shaking her head.

"Do you miss the Navy?" He glanced at her anxiously before flicking his eyes back to the road.

She considered his question, flicking her head to one side. "Yes and no I suppose." She shuffled in her seat. "I know I wouldn't be able to serve again, psychologically speaking. I wouldn't be able to cope. I don't miss the constant fear. The knowing that you could die any day. I don't miss it in that regard." She shifted in her seat. "But I miss... I miss the crew and how good it felt when we helped someone. Knowing that what we were doing was helping people... lots of people. That we were saving lives. I miss that." She paused for a moment, then nodded like she agreed she'd said the right thing.

A small smile adorned her face as she recalled something. "A few months after Zoe was born I was walking along the docks when a sailor walked by me all dressed in his whites. He was a Commander and automatically I snapped a salute at him with one hand on the pram. The guy looked at me like I was a total idiot. But it was just instinctual. I still use 24 hour time accidentally too. It drives Lucy mad." She paused. "Do you miss the Hammersley?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I do. I miss the crew, and the boat. I miss just sitting on the bridge and taking in the surroundings. But it was the right time to leave. I know that, and I don't regret it."

"That's good. For you I mean." She turned to look out the window, and the pair fell into silence for a few moments.

"Have you always been in Perth?" Mike asked.

"I was about five months pregnant when I was moved to Perth. After... after the shooting, I was stabilised in a hospital under guard before I was transferred to Melbourne. That... that sucked. Paige, my Witness Protection Officer, she came with me... and she was great. But I was just so lonely all the time. I was in physical therapy and I was always in a lot of pain. They didn't move me to Perth until they were sure I could function properly. Paige stayed with me in the house for a few days, but after that I was on my own. Or as alone as you can be with a kid inside you. I was scared a lot, but I got used to it. And then after Zoe was born it was like a new kind of terror. Paul Turner and SIDs and crazies and everything else under the sun."

"It would have been tough." Mike mused.

She nodded in agreement. "But it was worth it."

"Yeah."

They fell into silence for a few moments more, Kate staring out the window as the world went by. "So, your Mum said you have a sister?"

"Em. She's thirty-six. She's a preschool teacher, running her own centre. She's engaged at the moment, getting married in November. She's got a twelve year old daughter too, Jordan. Her first husband died about an hour after Jordan was born. But she's so strong, and stubborn, and raised Jordie all on her own."

"She sounds like a great person."

"She is."

Kate nodded, falling into silence again. As the minutes ticked on Kate gave a sideways glance at Mike before pulling out her phone and opening a maps application.

"What are you doing?" Mike asked, the movement catching his peripheral vision.

"Trying to figure out where we're going." Kate murmured, smiling as the map located their position.

"You're ruining my surprise." Mike protested, trying to one-handedly snatch the phone off her.

"Well then, how much longer?" She whined, dropping the phone back into her bag.

"About fifteen minutes."

"Alright." She sighed, huffing. "So, Em's your only sibling?"

"Yep. Why are you asking about her?"

"I'm trying to pass the time." She reasoned, like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Are you not enjoying my company Miss McGregor?" Mike smirked.

"Patience isn't one of my strongest virtues." She quipped back.

"I've noticed." Mike spoke wryly. "So, why the jewellery shop? How'd you come to work there?"

"Um... I used to shop there. She'd sell all these herbal remedies, to help you sleep and to cure headaches and stuff like that. I wasn't able to take much medication when I was pregnant, so I used to see Lucy. After Zoe was born she came to visit me in hospital and we became good friends. I used to help her out in the store and eventually she just offered me a part-time job. When Zoe started at preschool I went to full-time and... I love it."

"And... did you ever meet anyone?" The question came out of nowhere, and Mike mentally kicked himself at asking such a stupid question. But to his surprise she didn't clam up like he'd expected.

"I met a guy. Tom. He was a single father. His son went to the same preschool Zoe did. They were friends so we saw them a lot. We dated for... seven-ish months. But... it wasn't the right time... for either of us." She paused for a moment. "What about you?"

"I... I ended up going out with Ursula. But... she left just before you left town. And she was right to. It wasn't right for us either."

"We're hopeless." Kate mused.

"Yep."

They fell into silence again as they turned off the main road and began a series of turns so quick in succession Kate lost all sense of direction at once.

"Okay, now I swear we're just going in circles."

"I can't have you finding out where we're going before we get there, now can I?"

"Mike, I can say without a trace of dishonesty that I have no idea where we're going."

Mike smirked. "Good. 'Cause we're here." He pulled the car into a small parking lot, turning the engine off. "Wait here." He ordered, undoing his seatbelt and leaping from his seat so quickly she had no time to react.

"Mike... wait... what?" She threw her own seatbelt off as he shut the car door behind him, turning to watch him walk behind the car door. And then he was beside her car door as he opened it for her. She eyes him suspiciously but he shrugged it off. "I'm being polite."

"I don't need you to open the door for me." She told him.

"But I wanted to." He offered her a hand, which she ignored, stepping out of the car to take in her surroundings.

"I thought... well, when we first met, we stayed up all night so we could watch the sun rise over the water. Now, seeing as we're on the other side of the country, I thought... well, I thought we could watch the sunset."

"I'd like that." She murmured, looking out at the water and the sun getting lower and lower in the sky.

"I'm no chef, but I made sandwiches and brought chocolate. You always said restaurants made you nervous."

"You remembered that?"

"Of course." He frowned. "Is this a totally terrible idea?"

"No! This sounds great, Mike."

They ate on the sand in relative silence as they watched the sky turn to gold, throwing a warm glow over both of them that seemed to stay long after the sun had set.

"Are you cold?" Mike asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm okay." Kate smiled, before allowing herself to fall backwards so she was lying on the sand. Mike mimicked her position and the two of them stared up at the stars. Her hair tickled his face, and he had to restrain himself from pulling her close to him.

"I used to write to you. I used to write letters." Her words took him by surprise, and it was several moments before he'd processed what she said.

"You wrote to me?"

"I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you everything. I'd stamp the letters but I could never send them."

"I wish you had." Mike turned to look at her. "I would have come to find you. I would have gone with you."

"If things had have been different..."

"The 'what if's' will get you every time, Kate."

"Zoe would have grown up with you. She would have had her father there."

"She has me now." He assured her, reaching for her hand and squeezing it lightly. "It's not too late."

"I know. But it doesn't stop me wishing things were different."

"I wish I'd never sent you on that boarding." The words tumbled from his mouth so quickly he barely had time to comprehend them.

"Don't." She whispered. "Don't blame yourself."

"It's true. I sent you on the boarding. I called the shots."

"Come on, Mike. You know as well as I do that if you had have tried to take the boarding away from me I would have argued until you relented." She squeezed his hand. "I'm just too stubborn."

"I sent you like a lamb to the slaughter-"

"You didn't shoot me." She punctuated each word with a poke to the arm.

"I wish things were different." He repeated her words from before. "But I think that's half the problem."

"What is?" She questioned.

"That we're so hung up on what could have been we can't see what could be."

She nodded, not caring that he couldn't see. "I think you're right."

* * *

Mike thought she must have fallen asleep on the trip back as the silence dragged on. Her head rested against the glass as the headlights of the passing cars flew by.

_I love her._

The thought flew into his head so fast it dazed him. It wasn't the first time he'd thought it. Hell, it wasn't even the first time he'd said it. But this time it was different.

Tonight, there'd been no fighting. They hadn't gotten defensive or angry or scared. They'd been honest and accepting. Was this the start? They'd started again so many times over the words barely made sense anymore.

But he knew none of it mattered. He loved her and she loved him, even if she wasn't ready to admit it yet. He'd follow her into the dark.

"Pull over." The words startled him, but he did as he was told, stopping the car before he turned to look at her. She turned to face him too, shuffling in her seat so that she was looking directly at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked, flicking the overhead light on so that he could get a better look at her.

"Nothing's wrong." She murmured. "I... I had fun."

"And?" He pressed, unsure what was to come.

She smiled. "And our next date better have choc-chip ice cream."


	15. An Epilogue

**A/N: **So this is it, the end of a long journey. I just wanted to thank you all so much for your support. I honestly wouldn't have been able to finish this without you all. You are all amazing and I look forward to reading what you all have to offer as well :) Thank you, you're all incredible. I hope that this short epilogue satisfies you all. Enjoy!

* * *

**Epilogue:**

**{November}**

"Two weddings. Two! In two days!" Zoe exclaimed happily as she danced around the reception hall, long blonde hair fanning out around her.

"I know. You keep saying." Kate agreed, resting her chin in one hand as she sat at the table watching her daughter.

"I love weddings. They're exciting! I'm allowed to be excited."

"Yes, you are Zoe. But please stop spinning. You're making me feel very dizzy."

"Do you think Lucy and Ben will have dancing at their wedding?" Zoe pondered, ignoring her mother's words as she twirled in circles.

"Zo, they're not even together." Kate pointed out, but this seemed to be a mere detail to her daughter.

"Yet." Zoe rebutted, finally stopping her spinning. Kate just shook her head in amusement at how determined Zoe was to play matchmaker.

"I'm going to go dance with Jordie." She told Kate before skipping over to her older cousin's side. Kate kept an eye on Zoe as Jordan took her hands and spun her around. She watched them as they danced their way through two songs Kate had never heard before but Zoe seemed to know, smiling at how good Jordan was with her younger cousin. The two of them had only met once before today, but Zoe idolised Jordie and could talk of no one else.

"Having fun?" Mike asked, breaking her train of thought as he placed a hand on her back. She hummed in affirmation

"Just watching Zoe and Jordie dance." She followed Mike's gaze as he watched Emily's new husband Gary return to his wife's side, looking little short of terrified.

Kate narrowed her eyes as she turned to face him. "Alright, what did you do to the guy?"

"Nothing!" Mike told her a little too quickly, his expression reminding her of Zoe when she was caught doing something wrong.

"Yeah, right. Spill."

"Okay, I _might _have had a friendly chat to my new brother-in-law." He spoke tentatively.

"Mike-" She began, sighing. "What did you say exactly?"

"I may have just pointed out just how amazing my sister was and… I might just have told him that if he broke my sister's heart I'd take him out to sea and weigh his body down with an anchor."

"Mike!" She slapped his arm, half outraged, half amused. "You can't say that!"

"He knew I wasn't serious." Mike replied unconvincingly.

"That poor man." Kate laughed, watching Gary glance nervously at the pair of them as he danced with his new wife, accidentally stepping on Emily's feet in his daze.

"Mummy, come dance." Zoe demanded, seeming to appear from nowhere as she began tugging on Kate's hand, trying to pull her out of the chair.

"Nooooo." Kate whined, sitting further back in her chair. She was perfectly content to sit and everyone else dance rather than actually join in, but apparently everyone else had other ideas.

"Come on, Kate. Go do some dancing with your daughter." Mike cut in, gesturing to the dance floor.

"No no no. I do not dance." Kate protested, folding her arms tightly like Zoe had so often done when she was a child.

"You'll have to dance at your own wedding." Zoe interjected, causing Kate to spin around fast, almost falling out of her chair in the process.

"What?" She spluttered as Jordan giggled.

"Well," Zoe began, speaking slowly as if talking to a child, "You guys have been going out for _ages_."

"Five months." Kate corrected, but her words went ignored.

"And you _love_ each other." Zoe raised her voice, talking over Kate. "So, you should get married." She accompanied the last part of her speech with a wave of the hand.

Kate glanced at Mike, glaring at him when she realised he was smiling. _"_Zoe, that's not... not always the right way." She told her, cursing Mike for making _her _have the conversation.

"And since when have we ever done anything the _right _way?" Mike smirked as Kate whirled around to face him.

For a few moments she was rendered completely speechless, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. Mike smiled smugly, pleased that he had one-upped her.

"He's got a point." Another voice cut in, and Kate turned to face Mike's sister Emily in her glittery white wedding dress. "We've all been waiting long enough. Besides, you caught the bouquet." She gestured to the flowers Kate had left sitting on the table.

"You intentionally threw it at me! I had to catch it otherwise it would have taken both my eyes out!" Kate protested.

Em shrugged. "You needed the nudge."

"She's right, you know." Mike's voice silenced the rest. "We did need a nudge."

Kate narrowed her eyes, poking him in the chest. "So… what? Is that a proposal, Mike Flynn?"

His hands snaked around her waist as he pulled her close. "Is that an acceptance, Kate McGregor?"

She smiled against his lips. "Yes."


End file.
